RELATIONSHIPS

We can know something for years; yet not know it. We hear it and think, "Yah, that's right." We understand the truth of it; but then, there is knowing and knowing.

I have understood for years, the concept, that we only have relationship with ourselves. We are in a house of mirrors and all we see are endless versions of ourselves. There are many levels of understanding in this concept.

In the course of struggling, with how I felt about the events of a relationship, I realized that the only relationship I needed to concern myself with was the one with myself. The pain I was experiencing had to do with judgement of self.

Until we are fully enlightened, we will have reservations about our own competency and worthiness. On a whole, we may feel very good about ourselves, and intellectually we may conclude we are "okay." We look through a glass kaleidoscope at the world. The little bits of colored glass are how we see ourselves.

When there is a disconnection in a relationship, we attempt to assign responsibility. We don't like to admit it, and we like to hide it from ourselves; but we tend to assign blame. Some of us tend to blame ourselves. Some of us tend to blame the other. Some of us like to divide up the blame. All three choices, cause us to experience some psychic pain.

What would it be like if we had a good relationship with ourselves? What is a good relationship with ourselves? I don't think it is possible to see ourselves without flaws. In this dimension, in these bodies, we cannot achieve perfection [whatever that would be]. However, we can see our flaws and not judge ourselves. We can accept our humanness. Sure, we have things to work on; that does not have to affect how much we love ourselves.

What if we could see the disconnection as, just that? Not something to mull over. Not something to find blame over. Not something to cry over. Not something to experience loss about. What if we saw it, as just a divergence of paths, that had to happen? Perhaps it is needed for growth of one or both of us.

I am using disconnection to mean all events that disturb the equanimity of relationship, from a thunderous fight to a slight snub.

In my case, I was feeling bad about something that happened and I was carrying it out longer than seemed reasonable. I, eventually, asked myself, "Would I be feeling this way if I loved myself?" On being honest with myself, I realized I was refusing to forgive myself. I was interpreting the others pain as a direct evidence of my own unworthiness. Instead of accepting the fact that I wasn't perfect, I was attacking myself.

So I rediscovered what I knew already. Our primary relationship is with ourselves. We are going to have disconnections and some will be painful. However, if we love ourselves we will quickly forgive ourselves. We are not perfect. We can be truly sorry. Our forgiveness of the other is not complete if we do not forgive ourselves.

It is a 'no brainer' to realize, the more we love and accept ourselves, the fewer disconnections we are going to have anyway. The more we love ourselves, the fewer emotional triggers, we will have, to manifest. But they will happen and we can accept the bump in, or the divergence of, our paths without judgement.

We have heard it over and over again, we can't fully love, someone else, if we cannot love ourselves. Let us look at ourselves, accept our flaws as accents of our gloriousness. When we appreciate the beauty in ourselves; we appreciate the beauty in all others.

We are surrounded by Love. Let us surrender to it. Let us fall in love with ourselves.

Love and Peace,  Gregg