NOW

I have been troubled lately. Not every minute. It comes and goes. I have a harder time reaching that sweet spot where I know everything is love and I have a certain amount of irritation below the surface of my persona. Everyday irritations get to me; some aspects of Jamie's illness, the ongoing Winter - only reluctantly and grudgingly giving way to a tardy Spring, the awful news and general blare from the idiot box etc. etc. I don't seem to be learning anything. I continue being the same jerk.

Last Night I was irritated by something Jamie did and I was mulling it around in my mind morosely. The words went through my mind, “I accept my part in God's plan for salvation” Now this is a mantra that I have used at least once a day for perhaps forty years. I think it originally came from A COURSE IN MIRACLES, I could be wrong about that.

I had a revelation. It may seem like a mini-revelation to many but last Night it was powerful. I realized that I put some future tense [and perhaps highfalutin spiritual meaning] to the statement, “I accept my part in God's plan for salvation.” This allowed me to dismiss the everyday annoyances, the humdrum and nitty-gritty of life as not worth my full acceptance.

I use the word acceptance purposely. I paid attention. I knew what was going on. I thought I was living in the moment. I wasn't purposely dismissing what was happening. However, I wasn't accepting the nitty-gritty of my life as part of God's plan. I thought it was something I had to go through on the way to God's plan. It was a subtle difference-but powerful.

When I realized what my mind was doing I was embarrassed, then relieved. I knew I could accept my life in total now. I knew I could love it.

Oh my! Our egos don't like to give up control and they can sure masquerade as a source of good advice. I am learning the difference between the ego's many disguises and the quiet voice that always points to love.

I by no means believe my struggle is over, but today the world is wonderful. Today Spring arrives at 4:58 CDT, the Vernal Equinox; it appears to be a good time to celebrate.

It is 44.8 F according to my thermometer and the snow is melting. We still have piles of snow but everyday they have been getting smaller.

I will remember that 'being in the now' doesn't mean enduring the now, even with full presence, it means accepting the now as a teaching we planned together with our creator to learn how to love fully.

I look upon a forgiven world and know there is only Love.

I am going to spend the rest of the day watching the snow melt.

Love and Peace, Gregg