HIGH SCHOOL

It is a cool soggy day. We got about ¾ inch of rain last Night and the clouds persist. We got tired of the cold Mornings and finally turned on the furnace Saturday. I am sure there will be many days in October that we won't need it. I love October with its frosty Nights and Sunny days. I think it is my favorite month; except for the promise of Winter.

I am doing my best to ignore the craziness. The only thing we can do is remain as loving and peaceful as possible and not give negative energy to the madness.

I will continue my life sketches with my High School years.

I entered ninth grade when I was thirteen. I think I was the youngest and tallest kid during most of my high school years. This was most obvious in athletics, where a year can make a great difference, I played football my sophomore and junior years. I was never very good. My coordination did not catch up to my body growth until I was out of high school.

As I mentioned I gradually did better in grade school and towards the end I don't remember too much trauma. I think I learned to pay better attention, although that remained a struggle for many more years.

High School was a new opportunity. Public school felt much freer. I no longer felt like a bad person, well at least it wasn't an ongoing conscious process, I had friends and a family that gave me validation; I was able to isolate my school experience. I might be talking nonsense. I am not sure of anything. I must have developed an attitude that 'I didn't care', that 'I was above it all'. I know I must have sent out some kind of message that some teachers didn't like. However, it was obvious that some teachers liked me.

I still tried and I still hoped to do well. I remember a history class. I respected the teacher and I paid attention [for me]. I did well on the weekly quizzes. So well, in fact, that I was certain that I was going to get the first A of my life. We filed up to the teacher's desk and presented our report cards to be marked. I watched with astonishment as she wrote a Red F. I was flabbergasted. It was a huge kick in the gut because my hopes were so high. Shortly after that I learned that I got a zero on all the weekly quizzes because I did them in pencil and she required they be done in pen. I don't know why I didn't know that. I was not a rule breaker. I just stumbled through life not getting the whole picture. It was experiences like this that gradually convinced me just to do my own thing and get by as peacefully as possible. As I said I didn't cause trouble. I was not openly defiant or aggressive. However, I could be a smart ass. When the biology teacher called a spider an insect, I raised my hand and corrected her by telling her it was an arachnid. That was in the beginning of the year and it didn't start me off in a good place.

I developed a habit of getting a book from the library every Morning and reading it throughout the day. I always read the text books first. I usually had those read in a few days of their assignment. I would place the library book on the seat beside me and I could read it when my attention wasn't captured by the class. I usually could finish a novel in one day. I remember one history class [different one] I was reading away and the teacher caught me. This teacher liked me despite my behavior. She held the book up and read the title to the class, “Son of the Smokey Sea” She scolded me mildly and called me 'son of the smokey sea' for the rest of the year. I don't think I tried to read in her class again.

My experience in high school wasn't all bad. I had fairly good social relationships. Although, I never did well grade wise, I did get amazing compliments sometimes. One teacher announced in front of the class that I wrote one of the best short stories she had ever received from a student.

By the time I was half way through High School I knew I had only myself to blame for the problems I experienced. I did overcome some bullying problems by seeing how I invited it. Despite my growing awareness, I didn't put the energy into getting good grades. I quit caring at some point. I no longer thought I was dumb. In fact I realized I was quite intelligent. I couldn't shake the idea that I was some kind of oddball though.

I did get kicked out of classes, sometimes for lack of achievement and sometimes for a behavioral incident. I kept track of my credit accrual, I really wanted to graduate. My senior year I got kicked out of a class for a behavioral incident. I sat in the front row and before class started I had my feet up on the teacher's desk. Unfortunately, he came in before I had the chance to remove them. It is not the kind of thing that would have got someone kicked out of class unless the teacher was already fed up. I think I was sending out some kind of message that 'I didn't give a crap'. That couldn't be further from the truth. I cared very deeply how people saw me. It was some kind of defensive attitude to get ahead of the game.

I went to the bathroom and sobbed. I really wanted to graduate and I screwed up my last chance.

In the last month of the senior year there were special days for the graduating class. I can remember two of them. Dress up day and cap and gown day. On dress up day the senior boys wore suits and the girls wore nice dresses. My mother was sensitive to my predicament and told me it was okay if I stayed home. I knew I had to face the consequences of my behavior so I went to school both days. I think it was less humiliating than if I had not faced the issue. It wasn't too bad; my classmates looked at me funny but nobody said anything. I was proud of myself for having the courage.

The Summer after my senior year I took two accredited correspondence courses, psychology and algebra. However, I did not file them with the school and request a diploma.

There is much more I could say about these high school years and perhaps I will come back to it some time. However, my next life sketch will be my post H.S. years.

I have got dishes to wash and I need to go with Jamie to town and then to the Amish for milk.

Love and Peace, Gregg