IT ALL TURNED OUT OKAY

Ahhhhhhh...... I had a great sleep and it is a beautiful Morning. Cool though; it is almost 52F now but it could have been down to the upper thirties overnight. It felt like it when I went out to let out the chickens, there was that definite crispness one associates with frost.

When I was anticipating writing the blog GRADE SCHOOL I had a lot of resistance. It didn't feel like guidance, so I went ahead. I was crabby both Wednesday and yesterday. I don't know what I stirred up. I felt like I had forgiven all involved; parents, teachers, priests etc. I don't consciously have any regrets or grievances. Obviously, I still had some anger somewhere. Had I not forgiven myself completely? I am not upset about disclosure. I don't mind folks knowing things about me.

I know it is good spiritual/psychological practice to put the past behind us. I often say to myself the “past is past and cannot harm me” or something of that nature when a memory looms up that is disturbing. I, also, know as a psychotherapist that the past really isn't past until it is past. That generally means we have a grasp of what happened and have forgiven all involved including ourselves.

I feel great today, but I may have more work to do. Well, when I was sitting on the other side, contemplating entering the body of that little creature, I may not have fully realized the challenge. Well many of us have lives like that, it is amazing we would take on the things we do. We do grow. We do learn. And we bless the world as we do so. I see all my life challenges as great blessings.

I will write more chapters of my life story. The struggle for success and failure continued through high school {the same public school my parents and aunts and uncles attended}. There were more painful events. I did evolve. I did figure out that I was doing it to myself. I was able to make gradual changes. No A's though. I did develop some kind of chip on my shoulder that caused me some difficulty in school and somewhat in the larger community. I came across Freud's “Introduction to Psychoanalysis” when I was sixteen and I discovered myself on every page. I haven't agreed with all of it since, but I did not throw the baby out with the bath water.

I will write more chapters in the future, but today I want to say, “It all turned out okay.”

The Air Force served as both an academic and behavioral bridge. I avoided getting into any difficulty and did well in school. I was assigned to electronic technician school and consistently received the highest grades in the class in electronic theory. I became a radar repair technician.

I joined the Air Force as my way of getting into college. Upon discharge, I entered the University of Minnesota in 1958. I was 23 years old. I experienced my first academic success. I received all A's my first quarter. Next quarter it was 2 A's and 2 B's. I got married after my freshman year and bought a house when I was a sophomore; so I did more than go to school. I worked in a paint store for $1.50 an hour and received the G.I. Bill. I graduated with a degree in psychology in 1962. I still had dreams of being a psychoanalyst and I hoped to get a PhD in psychology and apply to The Chicago Institute of Psychoanalysis. They accepted PhDs. I didn't want to seek an MD.

I applied at several places where someone with a BA in psychology could get hired. My first priority was to live. I interviewed for a social work position. At the time I had absolutely no idea what a Social Worker was. I just needed a job; bills to pay and a child to feed. I was offered the most plum job in the agency. I didn't know it then- I must have really impressed them. The job was working with families having one or more 'disturbed' children. It was a protected caseload, which meant it could not exceed 12 to 15 cases. I was in heaven. It was a huge opportunity to learn about psychotherapy and although we referred our families to outside therapists, I was encouraged to provide whatever counseling I felt capable of. I had a brilliant and sensitive supervisor.

I soon learned that I could pursue my dreams of becoming a psychotherapist by getting an MSW. I returned to school and received my MSW in 1966. Shortly after graduating, I received a letter from the University of Minnesota School of Social Work offering me a position. I can't express how honored and happy it made me. That was a direction my life could have taken and I think I would have liked it. However, I knew I was a psychotherapist. I returned to the agency I had been with [a large metro county social services agency] and continued as a supervisor of a diverse unit. I started doing psychotherapy on the side; first with my own office and then at a medical clinic.

In 1968 I joined a child guidance clinic as a Family Therapist. During that time I continued having a private practice in my off hours. The agency sponsored an intensive course in Family Therapy. I took the opportunity and was a awarded a certificate in Family Therapy.

In 1970 I went into full time private practice first with some colleagues and then by myself.

From 1971 to 1977 I became a 'shrinks shrink'. At least half my clients were mental health professionals; psychologist, psychiatrist, social workers and chemical dependency specialist.

I went through a lot of growing and personal changes in my life; was divorced and remarried in 1973. Moved to this location in 1975. In 1977 I gave up my office in the city and attempted to live off the land. I became part of the new 'homesteading movement'. I didn't know it at the time. I didn't know there was any such thing as a 'back to the land movement' until I did it myself and then I discovered there were three magazines dedicated to the subject. I had hoped to have a small private practice in my home, that didn't materialize to the extent needed to pay the bills.

After my seven year sabbatical {actually I was seeking employment all along} I finally became reemployed in 1984. I had to start at the very bottom as a Social Worker in a one of the most rural counties. I actually had to sign a paper disavowing my masters degree because the state regulations would not allow them to pay me on such low scale with a masters. I didn't care, this kind lady who hired me, saved me. It was great to be able to participate in society again – the financial part- paying bills etc.

I would have worked there forever even though the pay was low, but opportunity knocked in 1986 and I moved to a larger county. I couldn't take the drive. That first job was 70 miles one way, this higher paying one was 80 miles. With Winter coming I found an agency, only forty miles away that provided 'in-home-therapy'. I was in heaven again. It didn't last, for reasons I do not understand the director of the agency did not want to continue the in-home-therapy unit and began to sabotage the new referral system. I could see the pattern emerging and I bailed out in 1988.

I will talk about this further sometime. The things that seem tragic in life can be great gifts. I felt devastated and lost when I could see that the in-home- therapy job was going nowhere. An angel was guiding. Out of the blue, a supervisor from that metro county, I started out with in 1962, called and asked me if I was interested in a job.

1988 to 2000

Wow! I started out doing in-home-therapy for clients at the intake level, an attempt to deal with problems before they escalated. I did that for awhile; then I became supervisor of a new Children's Mental Health Unit. A few years later I became the Program Manager of the Family and Children Services. I remained in that position until I retired in 2000. I have been greatly blessed and honored in my work life.

Depending on what is happening in the world, I may get back to some life sketches. I needed folks to know that it turned out 'okay'.

Have a great Friday! Remember Celebrate!

Love and Peace, Gregg