A FALL DAY

There was just the slightest amount of ice on the sheep's water, just a webbing. There was frost on the windshield of the truck and the pastures had patches of white. It is another beautiful Fall Morning, the Sun is blazing, it should be warm this afternoon.

I had a strange night's sleep. I went to bed early, for me, just after midnight. The telephone awoke me around one. This is only the second time it has wrung at night in twenty years at least. It was probably originally situated where one could just role over and grab it. However, bed tables get replaced, different lamps adorn them; I couldn't just grab the phone. I want to get it before the answering machine does, I fumble around, I get the light turned on, I answer the phone; someone wants to talk to Jeff. He apologizes, I forgive him, I am relieved it is just a wrong number and not any of the other things that danced in my head.

I am more amused than disturbed, but I am wide awake. It was like I was all full of adrenalin. I thought about getting up, but then what would I do? I tried to meditate. I eventually went to sleep but I kept dreaming about how I had changed time; not time itself, but the recording of time. Something like what we do for day light savings, but much more complex. In the dream there was some consequences, I don't know what. I was happy to wake up and realize it was all a dream. I wish I could remember what the dream was about. It was one of those recurring dreams that seem to last all night.

Late this Spring our ram died mysteriously. He showed no signs of illness. He was alive one day and dead the next. I didn't have much remorse because he was an ornery cuss. He was raised as a bottle lamb so had no fear of humans. All humans were a challenge to him. I knew I couldn't keep him, especially with the grandchildren around. I felt like I was done raising lambs anyway, we had a painful lambing season this last Spring. I have had sheep that need no attention with lambing and I have had those that need mid-wifing and everything in between. This last batch of ewes seem to need help, especially getting the young to start nursing. I can't run back and forth to the barn like I could just a few years ago.

A former neighbor came over to visit Saturday. She looked over to the sheep and said, “Are your ewes pregnant?” Jamie answered, “No our ram died” That evening I was looking at the ewes and I thought, “Boy, some of them are really fat.” I looked closer, at least one was bulging and she appeared to be bagging up. They have a five month gestation period. It is possible. I need to ask around and see if any of my sheep herder friends have had lambs this time of year. If so I will have to re-assess my situation.

I have been toying with the idea of giving up sheep raising. I don't mind growing older but activity level definitely changes for some of us. Not for Jamie yet, she is still a whirlwind. She can run up and down the basement stairs several times a day, for me it is an event not to be repeated frequently. I may write a blog about aging in the near future.

I know, for me, the world is too bizarre to contemplate. I hope the craziness is the boil coming to a head and it will soon be over. There is a lot of draining of this infection that will happen.

In the meantime I can work on myself. There is always more one can address in our goal to be 'loving in every moment.' I know I can be more conscious of self from moment to moment. I know there is more heart opening I can do. The only thing the world needs from me is my love. It doesn't need my evaluation or criticism. The only cure for the world and our situation in the world is love. If we all could wake up in the Morning loving the person next to us and hold that position through the day as the people changed, we would be in paradise. We would cure all our problems. We would feed all the hungry. We would shelter all the homeless. We would heal all the diseased. We would bandage all the wounds, physical, psychological and spiritual. When we love someone, we don't sit by idly if they are suffering, when there is something we can do.

We must do what we can in our immediate surroundings, our families, our neighborhoods, our communities. Remember 'right' action comes from the loving center of our being. 'Right' decisions are made out of love; not fear, not anxiety. In order to help those next to us we need to help ourselves. We need to know our peaceful place. We need to love ourselves. As I have said many times, the greatest gift we can give to the world is our happiness. If we shine our love on the world we will 'see' how to help.

I have a commitment on Wednesday that will keep me away from this computer. It is probable that I won't blog again until Friday.

Love and Peace, Gregg