WAITING

When is that guy going to blog? He keeps saying he is getting better. Well he is. At least the doctors say so.

This last week has been one of the most eventful, yet sometimes boring, week of my life. How can it be both? I am not sure I can explain.

It was characterized by up and downs. Some days I would feel okay and the next day I would be in the dumper. I had two Doctors Appointments last week, one a wind up with my Radiation Doc and one with the Doctor supervising my general health.

My Radiation Doctor was enthused about how well I did. When I pointed out how weak I still was, he emphasized what a difficult program they put me through, especially the last five days. I didn't realize how intense my treatment was, although, therapist kept remarking on how tough I was. He felt it was expected that I would have these weak days. He was sure I turned the corner and would feel remarkably better in a week or ten days.

My other Doctor, also, felt I was doing great. She kept saying how happy she was, I was feeling better. The lab took five vials of blood shortly before the interview, she said how great the results of the test were. This all gives me great encouragement.

Okay, why am I not more happy? I know I am waiting. It occurred to me because I didn't want to write a blog and I asked myself, “Why?” I have a big day coming up Tuesday. They are going to do a total body scan to determine if I am free of my affliction. I suspect it has been weighing on my mind for a while. It was scheduled a couple months ago. As the day grows nearer it becomes more powerful.

I certainly know better. I have been teaching people for over forty years that happiness can only be found in the present and it is possible to pull your focus out of the past or future. Now is the only time there is; the future doesn't exist. I have gone through many difficult times by remembering to focus only on the “now”. When we love ourselves and our lives now, we shape the future. I am going to let the love of the Universe flow through me and bask in it.

I have learned and relearned so much! I don't know that I can emphasize enough how amazed I am at the care I received. When I left the radiation clinic I felt humbled. Could I return the love I felt was bestowed on me? Almost everyone I met was an angel! I have had much criticism of our corporate/capitalist medical system. I am glad to discover it doesn't contaminate the doctors, nurses, lab techs etc. who do the hands on work. I was treated like I was a precious member of their family.

Love and Peace, Gregg