BEING RIGHT

Another beautiful Morning on Planet Earth! I have to get my thoughts on paper [its not paper-is it] soon, as we have a social engagement. We need to leave home about 11:30 and I have some chores to do first.

I grew up in a family, that wasn't always intelligent, but they were usually intellectual. Being right was highly valued. Discussions could turn into debates; debates could turn into arguments; participants could reach a survival level readily.

It has been a gradual process freeing myself from this influence. I have a ways to go. The need to be right can be a deeply ingrained ego response. We may begin, just seeing the fallacy [we think of] in someone else's statement. The other person will feel your ego involvement [usually without awareness]. They will, perhaps, react a little too strongly to our perceived judgement. The discussion is loaded from the beginning, and it becomes an argument, often not acknowledged. The point will always be who is right. Never the content. The ego involvement may be subtle or blatant, but the struggle will always be for intellectual dominance, all else is lost.

Those of us, who grew up in families, where intellectual dominance was a theme, will be familiar with this trap. It is a horrible trap. One can find themselves arguing about something, they do not care about, in the least. Virtually any trivia can set us off and the subject of the argument is never what we think it is. It is always, who is right. Of course, both participants are wrong.

As usual, the solution is loving ourselves. When we love ourselves, we are not as readily seduced into thinking, being right, is important. It is when we are being self-critical, that we are most vulnerable to, needing to be, right.

Those of us who are susceptible, can guard against it, by tuning into our feelings, when it happens. There is always a point in time when, we know, we are more concerned with making our point, than truth. It is never too late to stop. We can always say, I lost my point. Which is true, because we were not arguing our point, in the first place. Realizing we made an error, we can listen to the other make their point, without comment. It really won't kill us. Nothing real is at stake.

The dilution of intimacy, and the separation, caused by this type of argument is extremely painful. It may seem to be out of our control; but it is, in very much, our control. The key factors in dealing with this problem are: awareness; forgiveness; and love.

We need to tune into our bodies; there are feelings that will always tell us when we are heading for hot water. We must have forgiveness, at the ready, for ourselves and the other. We must remind ourselves continually that we are loved and reside in a loving universe. When we love ourselves sufficiently, it will no longer happen.

I hear my beautiful wife doing my dishes, but I have other chore to do, before we go.

Happy Friday!

Love and Peace, Gregg