MALADY II

I have been sitting at my computer, sometimes asleep, struggling with what I should write about. I pretty much decided to say, no blog explain Wednesday, I changed my mind and decided to explain now.

It is the malady. The doctor said I was down a whole gram of iron. We explored the possibilities. There was no evidence of internal bleeding. No evidence of infection. We didn't discuss vampires.

He went over everything. He said we could do some body scanning right now or add iron to my vitamin regimen and check back in a month. He suggested I take my iron with orange juice every Morning.

The weakness that is expressed in my cardiovascular and neuromuscular systems are bad enough. It is my state of mind that is the worse problem. I am flooded with negative thoughts and fantasies. One would think they would be of my upcoming death or the possible return of my cancer, oh no it is garbage. I sometimes worry about how I hurt somebodies feelings fifty years ago. Something that was resolved and I had forgiven myself for, I had a few of those.

A few weeks ago I could close my eyes, empty my mind and seek a place where I could bask in the golden light of our Creators Mind. Oh, how I miss that.

Most of the negativity rides on fantasies that enter my mind quietly. For some reason I don't catch them as I used too. I have relatively good moments when I am sitting comfortably in my chair and I am able to keep my mind clear.

I have such an unshakeable belief that there are no accidents and every experience is for our learning and becoming closer to Oneness that I get some comfort.

I have great compassion for those who suffer with a problem like this, who feel only emptiness or futility when they seek a way out.

I am glad I chose to write. It helps

I know I am surrounded by Unconditional Love.

Love and Peace, Gregg