THANKFULNESS

We are awaiting the storm. Apparently it is going to be a big one. We finally were freed from the last bit of old snow yesterday or day before, my days run together. It is okay. It will melt quickly. I don't know if I am influenced by the media hype, but I can feel the tension before the storm; both exciting and apprehensive. We could get over a foot of snow.

I have been learning a great deal about keeping my mind free of negative input so I can be loving in the moment. I am not out of the woods by any means. I am learning though and the last three days have been good.

Much of it has to do with my changing role in relation to Jamie's health. I need to go from husband to caretaker in seconds and sometimes I don't get the cues. Periodic forgetfulness is an interesting phenomena and how one's partner responds to it can create turmoil or peace. I will have much more to say about this at a later time.

Our cleaning lady just arrived and now I have lost my train of thought. After living here seven months we decided we ought to clean and vacuum. It actually doesn't look that bad, to me, others like my daughter may have a different perspective. We have had a cleaning lady since I retired in 2000. We had some vague idea with a smaller home we wouldn't need one. After all, there is no more tracking in of chicken, sheep, turkey, goose and goat manure, no more shedding of feed and hay from my clothes. I miss those days but this new life is okay too.

Oh, I got back my train of thought. In the last week I have become more and more aware of how important thankfulness is. When I have felt the encroachment of darkness, I focus on the first thing that comes to my mind that I am thankful for. At first we may not be able to think of anything if we are really down, but we can always find something. I have food in the house. My foot doesn't hurt. I am not sick. I am not very sick. Find something and thank the Loving Universe for it. As soon as we pry open the door to our gratefulness, more ideas flood in. As we express our thankfulness we will feel lighter and lighter. Whatever has been inviting the darkness will fade away.

As I reported I fell down on last Wednesday and I was afraid I had hurt myself. I was in a mild downer for awhile because I felt I may have set myself back considerably. I didn't, by Sunday Morning I was completely better. Instead of focusing on the fear that I might have hurt myself permanently, I talked to my body and praised it for its healing function. I spent one night in agony, but with help from a dose of tylenol I got through it.

The Night of agony didn't happen right after the fall. I fell on Wednesday. Thursday I was aware of a painful knot on my left hip and mild pain in my left shoulder and arm. The pain in my shoulder remained a mild complaint until Friday afternoon, I was on a long telephone conversation and the act of holding the phone up to my ear for an hour somehow aggravated the condition. I wanted to take something before I went to bed but all we had was aspirin and ibuprofen neither are recommended if one is on Xarelto [I hope to be off it soon].

I thought lying in bed would work out. Usually I can enter into the center of the pain, feel all of its intensity, bless it and it will allow me to sleep. Not this time. The pain was off the scale. I don't know what health professionals mean when they show you a pain chart from zero to ten and you are suppose to assess the pain. I thought about that, for the first time in my life I would say the pain was off the chart. The center of the pain was somewhere in my shoulder but my arm was useless. I went to bed about 11:30 and by 2:30AM I heaved myself out of bed, put on my clothes with great difficulty and went to Coborns and bought some Tylenol. My sore arm and shoulder would not allow me to take my wallet out of my pocket and I had to ask the clerk to do so. I relayed my story to him and he didn't think I was weird.

I got home took a dose of Tylenol and went to bed. It took a while and another dose, but finally the pain dissipated enough that I could sleep. I took a preventative dose upon arising. I had no pain all day Saturday. I took another preventative dose on Saturday night to insure I would sleep. I had no trace of a problem on Sunday Morning and haven't had since.

It was a miracle. I was sure there was something seriously wrong, slipped disc, significant nerve damage etc. It was discouraging to have this happen after all I have been through with this amazing body.

I was elated most of the day Sunday and off and on since. My body and the Loving Universe gave me a giant reprieve. I can continue to go forward with my healing. I can close my eyes, find that peaceful place, express my gratitude and experience elation.

For some time now I have been thanking our Mother/Father God upon going to bed. I look over the day and express my gratitude for all my experiences. When I awake in the Morning I express my thanks for the great sleep and the for the new day that stretches before me.

I think our cleaning lady is done. I need to settle up and express my thanks for the clean house.

Love and Peace, Gregg

P.S. I just looked at our local forecast, worse case scenario we could get 24 inches of new snow!