We
were blessed with a Sunny day yesterday and I was able to get the
first phase of an outside project completed. It is Sunny today too,
and we are supposed to have a return to Summer with highs in the 80s F.
However,
despite the beautiful weather, I have struggled lately. I have needed
to pull myself out of a gloomy place more than once a day. All
through Jamie's affliction, when she sometimes wondered if life was
worth living, I was able to keep myself pretty upbeat, now that I am
convinced she is on the mend, you would think I would be ecstatic.
Actually, I am familiar with the let down that occurs in these
situations, I have seen it again and again in people I have worked
with. The let down seems to be in direct correlation to the energy
you were using to keep yourself up. So that is that.
Yet,
there is something else going on and I don't think I am the only one
experiencing it. It seems difficult to stay in a good place. One of
my readers, well it happened to be my darling, oldest daughter, Laura,
she commented, on my last blog; she said, “I am glad you could find
your vast quiet center.” I was too. The question is, “How long
could I stay there?” I don't remember. I doubt if it was very long.
This
happened to me just the other day; I was having some kind of conflict
so I used a meditation I employ sometimes. I imagined myself
surrounded by unconditional love. I imagined, with every breath I
took, I breathed in unconditional love. The unconditional love would
bind with the oxygen and my blood would carry it to every part of my
body. I visualized the cells of my body being enriched with
unconditional love as they absorbed the oxygen. I imagined the cells
in my body being rejuvenated and healed if necessary. I started at
the bottom of my feet and imagined this process continuing until my
whole body was imbued with unconditional love. Sounds great, doesn't
it! It was.
I
was really enjoying the experience, again I was in that quiet
vastness. But suddenly, I was somewhere else. Not necessarily a bad
place, perhaps mundane, is the best word to describe it. A single
thought took me out of euphoric bliss to the common place. I don't
remember what the thought was, but I was struck, at the vulnerability
of our consciousness, to passing thoughts.
I
suppose this has been happening all along; yet I think, staying in a
good place, has been more difficult for some lately. I just read an
article that postulates, as the consciousness rises we are confronted
with all the reservations we have to being worthy. All those things
we were taught about how bad and undeserving we are. No matter how
good our parents and teachers etc. were, none of us escapes not
having some of this negativity imprinted on us. We may think we have
resolved the issues but as we knock on the door of higher
consciousness, we may find, we can see the door open, we can enter,
but then, we need to leave and do more work on ourselves.
That
explanation works for me, because every time it happens I am aware of
being quite self critical. I will find myself judging myself for all
kinds of nonsense past and present. Yes, it is so important we
forgive ourselves and others, especially the other judgers. Have you
noticed that, you might forgive some bad behavior, but then not
forgive others that were still into judging it?
I
am convinced we are learning to forgive ourselves and our world. We
do love ourselves. We will remove that residual negativity from our
consciousness. Let us keep practicing loving ourselves, eventually we
will be able to close the door behind us.
Love
and Peace, Gregg
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