MOURNING

Monday we had snow on the ground when we got up; it only lasted a few hours, but yesterday a switch turned, and Spring returned! It was Sunny when we awoke and there were only wisps of clouds, occasionally, all day. At 5 PM [when I thought to look at the thermometer] it was 65 F. It was still 55 at Sundown. It was warmer here than it was in the Twin Cities, some 50 or more miles South of us. They had more cloud cover, early.

We are definitely having an extraordinarily beautiful day at the moment. It is supposed to cloud up and rain and that is great too. I spotted my mystery hen running across the front yard, this Morning, while the other chickens were still locked up. I guess it has been about a week she has been out. If she is setting, she should be appearing with a flock of fuzzy balls in about two weeks. I hope that is the case. The sheep have remained in their pasture. All is well on Laughing Water Farm.

We are going through a Mourning period following Donna's death {for those who might be reading about this for the first time – she was the Mother of my first four children- we were married for 14 years}. I have been thinking about death and our response to it.

I had my first confrontation with, the fear of, death when I was in my thirties. I had various periods of anxiety that I knew were related to this concept. One was the realization that life was like jumping off a high building and death [the ground] was coming at you. Time was the only difference. This experience actually helped me get over some fear. However, it has been a gradual process. I don't identify any fear of death right now, but I don't flatter myself, into thinking, I won't have some reservation when the time comes.

When I retired and looked around at all of my friends, I thought, we should be discussing this subject, most of us were in our sixties at the time. I never tried to get a discussion started. I felt resistance without ever bringing it up. One of the crucial points seemed to be the belief in what death was. If one believed that there was death and then nothing, that was quite different from thinking death was just the end of one life experience. And, there are many nuances of beliefs.

Religion had spoiled the idea, of life after death, for many of my friends. They were very loving beings and they sought some idea of continuation through Buddhist ideas etc. Some confused ideas, of life after death, with some kind of religious orthodoxy. I once was discussing a book, by Alan Watts, with one of my colleagues. I was exploring his idea, that our essence joins, the existing creative energy at death; becoming one with all. My colleague responded with force, “You are just denying death.” I was taken-a-back. I didn't think I was. I was still in my atheistic/agnostic phase and I was merely supposing. This person couldn't see that having a belief, 'that there was nothing', was just as denying of life, as believing 'there is something' is denying of death. That is the trouble with belief, it locks up your mind, and blocks off some 'seeing'. In that sense Atheist are just as religious as Catholics or Baptist. They use belief to cut themselves off from seeing what might be.

While we are in these bodies we can only explore and keep our minds open. I have reached a point where I can't imagine not being. I don't think of myself as a body. I don't experience myself as a body.

At one point, I believed, to be comfortable, folks needed to decide one way or the other. We were having dinner at my parents house. My Father was half Norwegian and had that trait, that some had, of hiding the inner self from all. I had no idea if he believed in God or in life after death. I broached the idea that it would be good to have an idea about it. He said, “I will find out.” Well that shut me up. Maybe, people don't have to make up their mind to be comfortable, or maybe he thought it was none of my business.

I have come to the idea, that we are here, to learn what love is. This planet presents, both negative and positive, choices to us. I think we keep coming back until we can can make predominately positive choices. When we reach the point, that we see that love is all there is and all else is illusion were done with this phase. However, this has to be a heart oriented conclusion, not an intellectual concept. Many can say the words but have difficulty walking the walk [me for example].

So when one of our loved ones leave, it is because they have finished, what they felt they needed to accomplish. They may have more to do. But they will put it off for the next life. We need to honor their decision and celebrate their freedom from the limitation of these bodies. We will meet again.

Of course we miss them. Of course we have periods of sadness. Mourning takes many forms, we all do it differently. I know people who felt guilty, when they discovered a moment of happiness, as if they were being unfaithful to the one who has passed. The person who leaves, is radiant in their happiness, of completing another life. We can be happy for them. And when we miss them, we can call on them. We will find comfort.

Love and Peace, Gregg