Mondays have been strange lately.
Something seems to come up to interfere with blogging. Monday was a
bit chaotic, but the main thing keeping me from blogging, was a
preoccupation with a close family members health issue. It was ever
present and I didn't think I could blog about anything else. He is a
private person and I thought writing about his situation may not be
appropriate. After mulling it over for three days, I decided it is
appropriate.
About a month ago, my younger brother,
Garth, showed symptoms that could be bladder cancer. He sought help
on the very day he showed symptoms and it was thought it would be
easily managed. I researched bladder cancer and discovered that it
has a very favorable cure rate, when discovered early, 85% and
better. I did note there was at least one variety that had a very
poor prognosis. I was very reassured, but had reservations.
I heard through the grapevine things
may not be going as well as expected.
I called him on Saturday. It turns out
he has the most aggressive form of bladder cancer and it has already
metastasized and is in one lung, besides other parts of his body.
Pain medication has not been very effective and he was in
considerable discomfort. His doctor told him, there was no hope for a
cure and chemo therapy might give him a little more time.
On the positive side, he was peaceful
and even accepting of the situation. He apologized to me for giving
me such bad news.
At the moment of this writing he is
back in the hospital.
Garth is more accepting of this 'end of
life' drama than I am.
When I look back at my life, I realize
I have been very fortunate in my experience of death. Both of my
parents died in their sleep. They wanted to go and there was more
relief than sadness in their passing. I have had several friends die
and some were a great shock, at the time; but I could see the sense
it made and didn't question their decision. Of course, there was
always some passing grief.
My older brother, and his wife, both
died last year. The deaths were expected, in that they followed years
of debilitation. Both of these deaths had a powerful impact; but
then, more relief than sadness.
How is it different with Garth? First,
although he will be 80, March 12th, he is my younger
brother. He is not supposed to die! He has never been sick, that I
know of. We haven't seen each other very often; but, I always felt a
closeness that wasn't diminished by the infrequency of our contact. I
have always loved him very deeply.
I grieve for myself, for his wife, and his
children.
I honor his decision to leave. I know
death is not real. I know it is just a transition from this space to
another. I will see him again.
And wait a minute; he is still with us.
Miracles happen! Maybe he will stay with us awhile.
I love you, Garth.
Love and Peace, Gregg
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