Another gorgeous day on Planet Earth. I let the chickens out to free range, despite the fact, that we are going out, and will not be back until midnight or so to lock them up. I think it is a small chance to take. The predators generally don't realize they have access to the coop until a few days have passed. I couldn't bring myself to keeping them in a small fenced enclosure on such a marvelous day. They have been behaving well, and all the chickens, but one rooster, returned to their new coop last night. The one rooster's, reluctance to go in the new coop, is not preference, but the result of the conflict that has engendered, with the other rooster. The other rooster is playing dominance games.
Some of us play those games long after we could give them up. We all suffer from variations of low self esteem, that we learned, trying to grow up. For generations untold, children have been raised by parents, who suffer hidden or not so hidden, low self esteem. We were all raised to question our lovability or lovableness. We intellectually accept that we are 'okay', but those hidden questions still affect our relationships with each other and the whole.
We cannot really understand 'oneness' or unconditional love as long as we have questions about our own worthiness. All the degrees and honors, the world can bestow, will not settle the question of our worthiness.
Everything wrong with the world comes from our need to judge and evaluate each other. These judgements can be hidden in highfaluting language. They can even be presented as helpful. All judgement, no matter how sugar coated, is disastrous. It is not so much that we shouldn't judge; but we can't. We will never know enough. When we do know enough [when we 'see'], we will, also, see the error in judgement.
Why do we love to judge others? What is in it for us? Perhaps, if I feel better than you it will hide how I really feel about myself. It appears that all judgement is an attempt to make one feel better about themselves. We have deeply buried, our own self-hatred. We are full of shards and fragments of our distorted upbringing. Painful shards and fragments that point to how unlovable we are.
Jamie and I were discussing, this Morning, how people carry their low self esteem into their adulthood and hide it behind their world view, which is interlaced with judgement. They don't seem to be able to kick their low self esteem, regardless of their worldly success. The judgements they make affects their perception of everything.
Jamie said, "Don't take your disease with you." She was looking at me at the time. Yes, I include myself in this drama. I don't know if any of us have successfully "grown up".
We tend to hide our feelings of unlovableness. We don't want anybody else to know we don't love ourselves and we certainly don't want to acknowledge it ourselves.
We don't want to do this anymore, do we? We want to find peace, don't we? We want to see everyone as equal, don't we? We want to learn we are lovable, don't we?
Let's be scrupulously honest with ourselves. Let's acknowledge that all our judgements, even those secret ones we make in our heads, are evidence of our own self-hatred. Self-hatred is a big word- but it needs a big word. Once we admit it, we are open to the remedy. Awareness and practice. Spend some time being aware of how the mind works. When do these judgements come up? Are they protecting us from feeling inadequate? Unworthy? What is the feeling underneath the judgement? Anger? Dirtiness? We will get a clue to where to look, in our selves, for our self-judgement.
Practice seeing everybody else as lovable. Assume the lovableness of everyone. Watch your mind- catch yourself when you stray into judgement.
Once we acknowledge our own self judgement, that arises from fears of unworthiness, we will begin to open up to the love that is all around us. We don't need to learn chapter and verse, about how we learned to feel negatively about ourselves. In some cases it is obvious and we will learn, to appreciate the depth of the hurt, and forgive the perpetrator. In most cases there is no stunning source of these feelings. We learned, everyday, as we were fed teaspoonfuls of unworthiness or inadequacy.
Know, know, know [even if it takes a leap of faith] that you are lovable. It doesn't matter what we have done, or what we have thought we have been, we are lovable. We are totally and completely deserving of love. If we open our heart just a crack love will flood in. It is our nature to be love. Nature is Love. We just need to see what already is.
If we are to grow up, i.e. ascend to a higher consciousness, we can't take our disease or dis-ease with us.
Happy Friday!
Love and Peace, Gregg
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