WORTHINESS

Another spectacular Morning! After, I let out my little chickens, then my big chickens, I decided to wend my way to my meditation spot in the center of the sheep pasture. the pasture is very overgrown. I sold my sheep last year and didn't get replacements in time to keep the pasture down. And, this is a very verdant year.

First, one has to travel through a thicket of wormwood; past that, is long matted down grass, trampled by the sheep, not grazed. When there is this much pasture and a few sheep, they search for tender morsels at the root of the grass plant and ignore the overgrowth. I would need twenty more sheep if I wanted them to eat it down, so it was lawn like.

When I reached the meditation place {about a quarter way down} I sat down and looked around me. About fifty feet in front of me were some tall Mulleins, thrusting their candles to the sky. They are at least six foot tall. The candles aren't yellow, yet, but they, still, are magnificent. They have a cathedral like grace about them. 

 I meditated for awhile and when I opened my eyes I observed the sheep, close off to my right, I glanced to my left and I saw three deer, two does and a fawn, crossing the pasture. They were not aware of me. One doe went down the steep bank to the pond and drank. The other doe and her fawn, crossed in front of me, as they made their way across the pasture. The sheep paid no attention.

On the way back to the house, I pass under a large, mature, crab apple. It is thickly adorned with marble sized red fruit. The fruit is, perhaps, a little larger than marbles and stays on the tree all winter. Over wintering, Robins love the tree and it hosts Cedar Waxwings in late Winter. The deer, strip the lower branches, of fruit, in late Autumn.

This experience was reconnecting and I needed it. I have been going through, my version, of hell lately. It may have been coming on slowly but it manifested a few days ago, with the new moon. In the last few weeks, every little embarrassing incident, came to my mind, for review. Things that happened 70 years ago and things that happened yesterday. Things that, I felt, I forgave myself for, years ago, became fresh in my mind. Most of the things were simple little embarrassments, not things where I really might have hurt somebody; but there were some of those, too.

In a recent blog, I mentioned, how we may absorb family programs and not see the significance of them until years later. My family had a shame based program under the surface. Obvious shame, was not easily observable, in most of the family members, they were very intelligent and very intellectual, but lack of self esteem kept them from fulfilling their promise. They could talk about, how wonderful they were, but they couldn't achieve much.

I absorbed this shame. I could tie this shame to incidents, but it would not be accurate, for it doesn't have real behavioral genesis. It was taken in, the way one breathes oxygen. Thus without a real tie, that one can use forgiveness for, it is work to overcome. Forgiveness has a role, of course, forgiveness of the family and the system that engendered the shame.

For most of my life, I was able to out run it. I was fortunate, in that I knew of its existence, I didn't suffer every day feeling ashamed and not know why. There was some of that experience, too.

So, what happens now? We are at a point in our evolution, where we "fish or cut bait". We accept who we are, beings of Love, and part of Source, or we don't. Now is the time to know we are free. Absolutely free. Free to create our dreams. My sources, emphasize we are now free of all our past errors. Human kind, as a whole, is now free, of the influence, of all their past mistakes. No karma. No obligations to fulfill. We are free. We are free to experience love and to love.

I bring up my own personal experiences, because I know, many people are struggling with their own version of my situation. One thing to keep in mind, is that we have no business judging, especially ourselves. If we are part of Source and loved unconditionally, how can we be so arrogant as to judge ourselves? We are putting ourselves above all of creation and saying, we know better. Wow! That is arrogant isn't it. Let us accept Source's evaluation of us. Let us remind ourselves continuously that we are Love. It is only our little self that doesn't get it; our wonderful little egos, try desperately to hang on. Let us kiss them and put them to bed.

Love and Peace,  Gregg