DISCOVERING

We are supposed to slowly climb out of the Winter doldrums. It is only 18F now but it is forecast to be in the 40s before the week is out. We have mountains of snow out there. It will be lovely to see it melt.

In my last blog I used the phrase “shaking my fist at god”, actually I haven't been to that place, although I understand it very well. When we are beset by troubles that we cannot understand it can be very trying. Although, being angry at god is not helpful, being afraid of god is worse.

I was brought up in the Catholic faith and attended a Catholic grade school. They taught us to fear god. They didn't come out and say it, but what else can you conclude of a god who would judge you and condemn you to hell for just struggling to be human. The priest made it clear that playing with your pee pee was a sin. What is a boy to do then? Live with sin and risk going to hell or throwaway the religion? I suppose those of my friends who stayed in the church burnt up the confessional booths with their fearsome tales. I am sure they didn't leave their penises alone.

I chose to kick the religion at a young age. I couldn't put together the idea that god could be love and judging at the same time and on top of that punishing! Wow, I knew people more evolved than that.

Between the ages of fourteen and forty I pretty much thought of myself as an atheist. During that same time I read deeply into philosophy and read most of the world's sacred texts. I learned much about the idea of god but I didn't get to know God.

If anybody would ask me during that period I probably would have identified myself as an atheist, but upon reflection an agnostic fits better, at least if we use our current nomenclature. It seems that modern atheist hold a belief that there is no god. I never had a belief one way or the other. Can we know Atheism like we can know God? I cannot discern that. I pursued knowing there is no God. I found nothing, perhaps that is the point atheist are making.

I was always involved with the mystery that is life! I loved Nature and still do. Nature was the closest I could come to God. I can still be entranced watching the busyness of ants around their hill. I had a wonderful Mother who loved Nature and we always had a collection of larva, chrysalises or cocoons in various stages of development around our house.

When one contemplates the busyness of the ants, and at Night, looks at stars, that are so far away, the light that we see left the star before the Earth was formed, how do we get our mind around that.

I decided there are some things so unknowable there are no questions leading to them. Our intellects are way too small for the job. Our left brain is marvelous. It is the most amazing computer in existence, but it does keep spinning a more complex web over the same ground.

I could accept that everything is energy, from the smallest atom to the largest star. Everything is a creation of this energy, my body, the chair I sit on, the computer I use to type this message, everything. The only variation is the nature of the atoms and how they are grouped together.

However, some of these collections of atoms seem inert like my chair and others have some activity going on with them, like my body; life, consciousness? What is it?

To paraphrase Omar Khayyam I visited every poet and saint for an answer but unlike him I did not find the answer in wine [I tried].

The closest I ever came to shaking my fist at god was when I was about 42. I stood out by my root cellar gazed up at the sky and said. “God if you exist let me know it”. “ If you are love as it is claimed I want to know it!”

I began my journey to discover God. No preconceptions. No expectations other than I would find out. What was this energy that made up this marvelous Universe?

I don't expect my journey to end soon. The Universe is what............ is there a word? Eternal, unending? I don't believe my journey to discover God will end soon.

I have discovered this: God is unconditional Love and we are all part of her/him.

We created the material world we reside in and we keep creating it. We cannot fully appreciate our creation as long as we are in these bodies, and are so limited in our vision, and cannot see we are part of the whole that is God.

The experiences that come down the pike to us are situations that we arranged for our learning. Sometimes we need to suck it up and know that if we love with all our might we will 'see'.

Have a great Monday folks!

Love and Peace, Gregg