LOVE

It is a gorgeous spring day! It is cool. Only 38 F, but Sunny and calm. There is only a tiny strip of snow left in my neighbors yard, where a mountain six feet tall stood a couple weeks ago. Looking out my study window I cannot see any significant snow without craning my neck. Unfortunately, our backyard is still replete with the white stuff.

This has been a perfect day for me so far and may it continue. I only have one complaint, I stubbed my toe a couple days ago and it still hurts enough to limit any walking adventures. It is getting better but the mile walk I had planned will have to be postponed. I don't think I am quite ready for a mile walk anyway, but I think I could handle a half mile.

I will be happy when the forces that attempt to divide us into camps are attenuated. I was always happy to be dubbed a radical liberal or anything else one wanted to call me. However, labeling and polarization is extreme. It is at the point where one doesn't want to explore ideas because we are tarred with one brush or another and herded into camps and labeled a friend or foe. There are certain subjects I would never bring up unless I knew the people very well. Is it safe to say the Sun is yellow, the sky is blue and grass is green?

Can we start at the beginning and ask what we all need to be happy? Is it safe to say we all want to be loved and appreciated? We all want to be healthy. We all want healthy relationships. The vast majority of us want companionship. Most of us want to be part of supportive functioning family or group. We want peace, joy and security. We want an opportunity to pursue the expression of our gifts. We want the satisfaction of knowing we are contributing. We want decent housing, food and clothing.

We have been doing a good, or not so good job, of supplying these wants and needs through our social structures for eons. The catch seems to be not on what we need and want, but how society should supply it. We have tried capitalism, socialism, communism, monarchies, feudalism and many other ways. They all have had their ups and downs. It seems the problem has been more with who has been running things rather than the system itself. No system works when those who worship power and money are in charge. No system works when there is a competition to manipulate public opinion. No system works when people are purposely divided against each other. No system works when people are seen as unequal. No system works when one group thinks they have the only truth.

There are many good souls who have hearts that could engulf the Earth that work in these systems. They make all of their decisions out of love. How often are they found at the top of the decision making pyramid? Regardless of what system has been in place we have tended to keep the most loving people out of the power positions. The leaders of these systems have all been seduced by power and wealth despite what they profess.

So the last several centuries the shit has risen to the top as they say. My heart tells me that time is over.

There is no reason in the world why we don't have health care for all, free education, decent housing, food, clothing etc. for all. We could eliminate world poverty in a few years. It just takes a little loving intent. What has been spent on useless wars in the last ten years would be more than enough to eliminate poverty.

Is there any problem we can't solve just by loving each other? There are millions of loving people already working in the systems who are willing to take leadership positions and help us move into a new age.

We need to crank up the energy and not be shy about saying that the solution to the World's problems is love. That is not farfetched. It is not out of reach. It is not a pie in the sky solution. We know how to take care of ourselves and each other, we just need to do it.

Let us do what we can to slow down the divisiveness. That is how we have been manipulated into keeping the shit folks at the top. We are all equal. We are all deserving of love and all the benefits of a loving society. Don't let the shit people label you or anyone else. Look for the love in all. Even the shit-worshipers have a center of true self, which is love buried deeply, heavily disguised by what they have been worshiping.

There is a reason why we were advised, not to judge and that we cannot worship both God and Mammon.

Happy Friday! I love you!

Love and Peace, Gregg

SPRING

It is alternately Sunny and dreary outside my study window. The clouds seem to separate for a few minutes and allow the Sun to shine through and then close up again. It is blustery, the wind coming and going, but it is warm! It is already 53 F and it is not yet Noon. It will probably get over 60 today. It didn't drop below freezing last Night for the first time in a while. There are larger patches of lawn showing, but still significant piles of snow. It is an interesting Spring day.

It is Spring! The birds are arriving from the South. The Robins have been here for a week and the Grackles made a noisy entrance yesterday. A Cardinal stands high atop a White Cedar and sings his territorial song. The avian orchestration is beginning in early Morning. Yes! It is Spring.

We have been through a tough Winter. The World has been through a tough Winter lasting a few thousand years. Are we emerging? I think so. It is a chaotic Spring, however, we seem to be surrounded by more craziness than we ever have experienced. It is such a paradox because the people I meet on a daily basis seem to be blooming and their eyes shine with love. Of course, I know nothing of their life struggles.

Since my own life struggle with my health I have not been too tuned in to the life struggles of my friends and family. Moving here has cut us off from the day to day struggles of many of our friends. I wonder, are folks affected by the changes that are happening? On a global scale it is obvious, but the reporting is so distorted and tends to be self-serving of The Empire it is hard to discern what is happening.

I guess it doesn't matter. Change is coming from you and me. Love rises up, in this case it doesn't trickle down. You and I have to bring salvation to this tired world. It is the individual who chooses to love in all her/his choices who brings enlightenment to the world. Perhaps using the word individual isn't correct because as a person learns to love they begin to sense their oneness with all. As one light turns on, others around turn on, soon the power of love is building in the whole of humanity. It is irresistible. Those who imagine themselves at the top must yield to the love or vacate their positions.

I know we have been waiting for a long time and the world has never looked so nutty. There is no reason that you should have confidence in my saying that major change is on the horizon. Check it out. Talk to your friends and neighbors. Avoid the polarizing subjects. Listen to their hearts, look into their eyes. Hold nothing in your mind but love. See where the conversation goes.

All that folks want is to be loved and appreciated by those around them. They know they have been used and manipulated by the power people, but they don't want to retaliate, they don't want revenge, they just want to be left alone to love and raise their families. In one way or another, most of the people know their oneness with every fiber of their being. They may not have thought about it but they were raised by people who they needed to depend on for their very survival. We have been taught an error about dependence/independence. Like all the creatures of nature it is important for the young to learn to get their food, clothing and housing on their own. However, we are never separate from others in our wish for love and companionship. We are always part of something more than us; families, organizations, society, government, and the Universe. We can feel autonomous, but independent?

The people of the world are ready to shed the yoke that controlled them for thousands of years. No person is higher than the next. All are entitled to love and happiness. We are beginning to 'see'. We know we helped make the crazy world by embracing fear instead of following love. We are not going to do that anymore. We are going to love each other, all of us, there won't be any 'other'.

A tsunami of love is building. The great awakening is not far off.

Love and Peace, Gregg

LOVE AND EGO

It is nice and Sunny out, but cool barely above freezing, still a very nice March day. I would like to see the snow go faster, but I need to consider the people downstream that may get flooded. The melt has been perfect considering everything.

Lately I feel like I have been wrestling with an octopus, you know, many armed and slippery. I am speaking of my ego. I made a commitment to choose love in every moment and I reinforce the idea several times during the day. It should be easy, right?

The trouble is, I am a reactor and more pointedly a blurter, that is a person who has a tendency to say the first thing that crosses the mind. It is actually a positive thing much of the time, but when we make a commitment to be loving in every moment our egos are eager to take up the challenge. The ego is afraid if we choose love we will embrace oneness and give up separation. The ego thrives on separation. We created the ego to protect us when we decided to dwell in fragile bodies cut off from each other.

We are in a paradox. We need to reassure our egos that they won't die if we choose oneness, yet every time we choose fear we reinforce the egos belief and every time we choose love we scare the bejesus out of them.

And we need to be reassured that our egos can't win. They can't. Just as in the global picture the anti-love force has no power of its own, as its only power is what we give it, the ego has only the power we award it. We award it every time we choose fear.

If we lived in an ashram or monastery it might take only repetition for the ego to give up its claim to dominance. However, most of us live with folks with all different kinds of needs and demands. There might be a lot going on in our moments. We may live with people with dysfunctions or special needs and we ourselves need to see our limitations.

Our egos are clever they can masquerade as guidance or intuition and we might not see that what is coming from our mouths is judgement. We know the difference, we can see it upon refection, however we would just as soon not be in error in the first place. Here is a clue; the ego often speaks first and loudly. The voice for God [or your true self] speaks in a quiet voice. When we are fully in the moment the ego is unable to do the worst of its undermining as it depends on the use of the past or future fears.

Our egos are not bad. We don't need to compound the problem by judging them. We needed them. They protected us. They kept us safe. However, when we went through the extreme separation from each other, which is now waning, they interpreted the 'other' as dangerous and it fit with how society behaved. They began to retard our development by resisting our wish for oneness. We have need to ignore our egos to achieve full intimacy with another and when we fall-in-love. Little children are so precious because their egos are still in bud.

I am not a fearful person, but my struggle with my ego had to do with subtle fear thoughts. It is a new situation for, me that I may expand on later, but I kept making the choice for fear of future problems and not making the most loving choice in the moment. There was also the unwillingness to give the problem up to a loving universe and I hung unto the idea that I had to be the healer or at least governor. It was like wrestling with an octopus, boy they are slippery devils and smart too, and wow, watch for those arms.

It is reassuring to know we can't lose. If we stay in the moment, we will figure it out. The ego may try to confuse us in our discerning love from fear, but we won't be fooled for long and when we quit giving the ego a fear feast it will lose its power.

When we are in our peaceful place, we can thank our egos for all the help they have given us. We can see them as small tantrummy children that need to be consoled and reassured that they won't be abandoned. We may not need them anymore, but we can cuddle them to us like an old toy.

Happy Monday! Happy Spring!

Love and Peace, Gregg

LOOK FOR THE LIGHT

The clock just chimed high noon I guess it is time to begin blogging. It took me a long time to get used to the word blog, it is a strange sounding name for an ongoing essay. I wonder where it comes from. I will look it up, but not at this moment. What will I write today? I was thinking of taking a hiatus from blogging, but then I probably won't. I like writing. For those folks who find my blog via Facebook I wonder if the new format is confusing. I don't know why it changed. I didn't do it. I tried to change it back and couldn't. It functions the same, one just clicks on it, but the added verbiage could confuse.

It is an absolutely beautiful day. I look across the street at my neighbors yard and although I see piles of snow I also see a green grass strip along his driveway that grows wider and wider.

I know that many folks struggle with this painfully slow Spring. In one sense, it is fast, as the snow is disappearing at a rapid rate, but we are so eager for Winter to be finally over it seems to drag on and on. We had more snow than I have seen in many years and I have lived through a few Winters.

It is very similar to how we feel about the promised enlightenment that was to come to the Earth sometime after the turn of the century. We have been working diligently trying to clean up our own acts and shed love on the world. We read books, we pray, we meditate, we say our mantras, we try our best not to judge those a-holes that irritate us, yet things seem to stay the same or even deteriorate.

As I have said before, so much of it is how we look. If I look out my study window and see nothing but that mini-mountain of snow along my neighbors driveway, I see Winter. If I shift my eyes to the ground and gaze on the patch of green grass that is now about ten feet wide, I see Spring.

I was skimming through Facebook a few minutes ago and yes, the horrors of the world is there with all the pain and agony. Yet, also there was a light shining through that indicated people are waking up from their slumber. People are no longer blindly accepting what authority figures tell them. People are beginning to question the spoon fed propaganda the government has been feeding them. Yes, the polarization and splitting into identity groups is still paramount and awfully discouraging, I see that changing too. There are more and more people becoming aware of how they have been manipulated and they are refusing to be penned up in ideological tents.

I don't know how many thousands of years we have been stuck in this blindness. How long have we allowed authority figures to point to a group and label them as evil or unequal? How long have we allowed those supposed leaders to appeal to our innate fear of others to get us to take arms against them, even though we had no personal knowledge of them? How long were we convinced that it was okay to enslave, look down, discriminate or exploit another group because we were convinced we were better? We have been doing it a long time haven't we.

In order to awaken we have to acknowledge how crazy we are capable of being. We are at a place in our development where all the craziness is visible for all to see. It is also becoming clearer and clearer to the individual mind that fear, which promotes judgement, creates all the negative horror that we see. It doesn't take much of a leap to see that love is the cure.

Every time one of us sees that love is the answer, that mind shines out to the rest. There are many more people who know that love is the answer, than those that support the status quo. The old world is dying. The empire is crumbling. A tsunami of love is building up. It is well on the way. The Grand Awakening is closer than we think!

Look for the Light! Celebrate the Light! It is all around us!

Happy Friday!

Love and Peace, Gregg

NOW

I have been troubled lately. Not every minute. It comes and goes. I have a harder time reaching that sweet spot where I know everything is love and I have a certain amount of irritation below the surface of my persona. Everyday irritations get to me; some aspects of Jamie's illness, the ongoing Winter - only reluctantly and grudgingly giving way to a tardy Spring, the awful news and general blare from the idiot box etc. etc. I don't seem to be learning anything. I continue being the same jerk.

Last Night I was irritated by something Jamie did and I was mulling it around in my mind morosely. The words went through my mind, “I accept my part in God's plan for salvation” Now this is a mantra that I have used at least once a day for perhaps forty years. I think it originally came from A COURSE IN MIRACLES, I could be wrong about that.

I had a revelation. It may seem like a mini-revelation to many but last Night it was powerful. I realized that I put some future tense [and perhaps highfalutin spiritual meaning] to the statement, “I accept my part in God's plan for salvation.” This allowed me to dismiss the everyday annoyances, the humdrum and nitty-gritty of life as not worth my full acceptance.

I use the word acceptance purposely. I paid attention. I knew what was going on. I thought I was living in the moment. I wasn't purposely dismissing what was happening. However, I wasn't accepting the nitty-gritty of my life as part of God's plan. I thought it was something I had to go through on the way to God's plan. It was a subtle difference-but powerful.

When I realized what my mind was doing I was embarrassed, then relieved. I knew I could accept my life in total now. I knew I could love it.

Oh my! Our egos don't like to give up control and they can sure masquerade as a source of good advice. I am learning the difference between the ego's many disguises and the quiet voice that always points to love.

I by no means believe my struggle is over, but today the world is wonderful. Today Spring arrives at 4:58 CDT, the Vernal Equinox; it appears to be a good time to celebrate.

It is 44.8 F according to my thermometer and the snow is melting. We still have piles of snow but everyday they have been getting smaller.

I will remember that 'being in the now' doesn't mean enduring the now, even with full presence, it means accepting the now as a teaching we planned together with our creator to learn how to love fully.

I look upon a forgiven world and know there is only Love.

I am going to spend the rest of the day watching the snow melt.

Love and Peace, Gregg

THE PROBLEM WITH ANGER

It is a Sunny beautiful day. We still have lots of snow and way too much on the roof of our house for comfort, but if it hasn't caused any trouble yet, it probably won't. The mini-mountains of snow I gaze at out my study window have decreased significantly and should all but disappear by the end of the week. It is forecast to be in the fifties later this week.

I reported getting angry in my last blog at how we have been creating the problems in Venezuela and blaming them for it. After posting my blog I hear about the horror in Christchurch, New Zealand. I learned a long time ago that anger only perpetuates what we are angry about.

Anger is seductive. If we have been holding it back it feels healing. It often feels righteous. The trouble with that is, “Self-righteousness feels good for a moment, but only in the way that peeing your pants feels warm for a moment” The source for that quote is the New Yorker. I read it it in THE WEEK 3/15/19. The author is Nadia Bolz-Weber. It expresses perfectly how I feel about anger.

In my personal life anger is almost always self-righteous, maybe always. If I am not feeling self righteous the feeling is probably expressed differently. It may feel healing at the moment but doesn't do much to correct what made us angry. Besides we are often angry about something that has nothing to do with the trigger that caused the outrage. That is why we shouldn't suppress our irritations. Little annoyances can build up and burst out, usually inappropriately.

A Course in Miracles teaches us, we always attack ourselves first. It takes practice to see this. Whatever the event, it triggers an attack against ourselves, a reminder of a imagined deficiency or flaw; in some regards we are attacking the mirror that the other is holding up. In close relationships our partners will always help us learn by holding up these mirrors. I know, it doesn't feel like learning at the time.

When we look at the world our anger can have many sources, our feeling of helplessness, our feeling that we are not doing enough, etc. and it does make us feel momentarily better to be angry. Does it help? No................ it feeds into the problem.

If we see the World at war with itself, regarding whether we worship love or fear, what do we see? We see a continuing choice between making loving decisions and those out of fear. It is like two energies Love and anti-love. Only one is real but they both appear real in our illusion. The anti-love group can only survive on the the negative energy given to it. They have no energy of their own. So if we want to have a loving world we have to question what we are doing with our anger.

I am not suggesting the solution is easy for each individual, simple perhaps but not easy. Another thing I learned a long time ago, simple does not equal easy. We can't suppress anger, that creates depression. However, we can look at it, turn it over, study how it occurs, connect it to how we are feeling about ourselves before the outburst.

Anger does not occur when there is not some comment on ourselves [we are the commentator or agreer.] It may take time to realize that, but when we love ourselves without reservation anger does not manifest.

So getting angry is a signal that we have more work to do in loving ourselves. I still have much work to do. I find it helpful to practice staying in the moment. Those past thoughts are fraught with judgement of self or others. Those future thoughts have a tendency to invite fear. Meditation- meditation – meditation what ever we choose to call it, going to that quiet space and finding that loving spot is immensely helpful.

No, we cannot fight the negativity of the world with more negativity. I know that is obvious, but if we glance at Facebook, we note it bears repeating over and over. Every choice must be love.

Have a Happy Monday!

Love and Peace, Gregg

VENEZUELA

Another Friday roles around this time the Ides of March. I don't have anything particular to say about that. Today looks beautiful out my study window. The back of Winter might be broken, however I see mountains of snow glimmering in the bright Sun. I would be pleased if it would melt a little faster. It it is just about freezing according to my thermometer.

I haven't commented on the world distress in a long time. I have been content to observe the disintegration of the American Empire. Many Americans still do not realize we have an empire it has been so well camouflaged. It began with noble words like Manifest Destiny and egged on by The Monroe Doctrine. Land grab after land grab to save the people from their former tyrants to replace them with our corporate tyrants. Most governments of South America only could exist with the blessing of the American Corpocracy. If the governments got too uppity the leaders were eliminated one way or another and a puppet installed.

Every so often a new excuse is created to continue world domination, lately it has been the war on terror. Huh, who do you think the greatest terrorist is?

As I say, I have been content to just enjoy the love around me and rarely get upset by the horridness of the larger world. I have such a powerful belief in the power of love and the coming tsunami of love that I can generally be peaceful while watching the news as I know the madness won't last.

But sometimes, and lately, it has seemed as unending as this brutal Winter. I don't often get angry, I most often get overwhelmed with sadness and weep a bit. However, lately I have been getting angry whenever the subject of Venezuela comes up. I can't believe the newscasters spread the propaganda with a straight face, especially Chanel 2[PBS]. I sense sometimes they would like to say more. Venezuela was a very successful state. They were on the verge of eradicating poverty. They distributed their oil wealth back to the people.

Their only sin was attempting to stay free of the American Empire. They had the temerity of being friendly with Cuba and they committed the outlandish sin of wanting more control and profit from their own oil. If we would have left them alone they would be a happy successful country. Oh but no, they had the largest untapped oil reserves in the world, how could we leave them alone? [When I say we, I don't mean you and me and the rest of the folks of the United States who want to just go on living their lives. I mean a collection of corporate interest who seem to control factions of the government that meddle in the affairs of the world.]

We did everything to destroy their economy. We used sanctions, control of banking, outright theft of their resources and as the government lost power and the people suffered we blamed the government. These shenanigans have not been hidden at all. If I know it everybody could. I don't go digging for information.

We are now on the verge of invading the country. We are just looking for that excuse that will fit the propaganda smokescreen.

I get angry about this because I have watched it happen over the last ten years or so and there has been little official protest from folks who could make a difference. Are all of these supposed liberal and progressive candidates willing to make a sacrifice of the Venezuelan people just because they don't want to buck the corruption of the empire? This is really an awful thing, millions of people driven to desperation so a few oil companies and bankers can become richer! Where is the protest? Why the deadly silence as this crime against humanity unfolds? Where is the leadership?

Well I do have faith that things in the long term will work out and it is possible that the Empire will fail in this endeavor. I know people are waking up and they won't put up with this nuttiness much longer.

I know the World we want is waiting for us. We have been shaping it in our hearts and minds with the only energy there is Unconditional Love. There are so many of us. We cannot fail.

Let us not dilute our energy with anger. I won't. Instead I am going to go to my quiet place and will unconditional love on the Venezuelan people and the rest of the world.

And I will remember to forgive, for they know not what they do.

Happy Friday!

Love and Peace, Gregg

FUMBLES AND BUMBLES AND LOVE

I have had a fumbly, bumbly Morning. I woke up in kind of a fog. I went to the grocery store, the prescriptions I was to pick up in the pharmacy section were not in. I wanted whole dates, all they had were chopped dates. When I went to check out I realized I forgot my bags in the car. My amusing suggestion that the clerk run out and get them fell on deaf ears. I felt foolish. I pulled my debit card out of the reader too fast and had to reinsert, people waiting, feeling more foolish, more jokes falling on deaf ears.

I got home, fried up a leftover baked potato with three eggs, while carrying food over to chair, the fork hopped off the plate landing on the floor with a one or two pieces of potato. Sat down had a few bites and again my fork decided to part ways with me, this time it got quite fuzzy.

It was a delicious breakfast when I remembered I was eating. On my way into my study I was carrying a full cup of coffee, I had a newspaper in my other hand, so I tried to flip on the light switch with the coffee cup hand which resulted in big splotches of coffee on the carpet. Good thing it is a beige carpet. Well perhaps I won't have another Morning like this for a while.

Then on a genuinely sad note, I got a message from my daughter saying a good friend of ours had colon cancer. I sent out an e-mail message to another good friend to find out what was up and I haven't got an answer yet. I was able to search the families Facebook pages and discovered he is in Veteran's Hospital, he had an operation and apparently is resting comfortably. I assume this is good news.

I have known this gentleman for about forty years and I hold him in very high esteem. I didn't see him very often but every time I did it was a great pleasure. He is one of these people that brings fresh air into the conversation. He always seems well grounded and bursting with good wishes for his fellow man. I don't like to be reminded of our mortality this way.

Yesterday was my brother Garth's birthday. He died  three years ago. He was another person who I expected to always be in my life. Garth was 14 months younger than me, my friend is six months younger. I put a happy birthday message on Facebook for Garth and I mentioned that it was no weather for a picnic. This was an inside joke.

It probably was fifty years ago, we as good Minnesotans were sitting around complaining about the weather. It was March. Garth said, "It is usually nice enough weather on my birthday to have a picnic." Well it may have been every tenth or fifteenth March 12^th. He was so sure and adamant about it at the time, I had to remind him of it on his birthday every year since. About ten years went by with my annual teasing, and lo and behold, on one March twelfth it was beautiful. Garth and Arlene put on a picnic at Columbia Park and invited the family. It was great. A perfect picnic, a perfect day. I didn't stop commenting on the weather on subsequent birthdays, though.

Yes! Some events remind us of our mortality but they also bear witness to the preciousness of life. Oh and life is grand! What an amazing world we live in. We can change so much of what we see, just by changing how we see. When I am caught up in my fumbly bumbly thoughts I see one world, when I take a deep breath and look again, I can see a world shining with love and good will for all.

We continuously create this illusion in front of us, if we love it it will conform to our love. It will reflect love back to us.

Love and Peace, Gregg

DISCOVERING

We are supposed to slowly climb out of the Winter doldrums. It is only 18F now but it is forecast to be in the 40s before the week is out. We have mountains of snow out there. It will be lovely to see it melt.

In my last blog I used the phrase “shaking my fist at god”, actually I haven't been to that place, although I understand it very well. When we are beset by troubles that we cannot understand it can be very trying. Although, being angry at god is not helpful, being afraid of god is worse.

I was brought up in the Catholic faith and attended a Catholic grade school. They taught us to fear god. They didn't come out and say it, but what else can you conclude of a god who would judge you and condemn you to hell for just struggling to be human. The priest made it clear that playing with your pee pee was a sin. What is a boy to do then? Live with sin and risk going to hell or throwaway the religion? I suppose those of my friends who stayed in the church burnt up the confessional booths with their fearsome tales. I am sure they didn't leave their penises alone.

I chose to kick the religion at a young age. I couldn't put together the idea that god could be love and judging at the same time and on top of that punishing! Wow, I knew people more evolved than that.

Between the ages of fourteen and forty I pretty much thought of myself as an atheist. During that same time I read deeply into philosophy and read most of the world's sacred texts. I learned much about the idea of god but I didn't get to know God.

If anybody would ask me during that period I probably would have identified myself as an atheist, but upon reflection an agnostic fits better, at least if we use our current nomenclature. It seems that modern atheist hold a belief that there is no god. I never had a belief one way or the other. Can we know Atheism like we can know God? I cannot discern that. I pursued knowing there is no God. I found nothing, perhaps that is the point atheist are making.

I was always involved with the mystery that is life! I loved Nature and still do. Nature was the closest I could come to God. I can still be entranced watching the busyness of ants around their hill. I had a wonderful Mother who loved Nature and we always had a collection of larva, chrysalises or cocoons in various stages of development around our house.

When one contemplates the busyness of the ants, and at Night, looks at stars, that are so far away, the light that we see left the star before the Earth was formed, how do we get our mind around that.

I decided there are some things so unknowable there are no questions leading to them. Our intellects are way too small for the job. Our left brain is marvelous. It is the most amazing computer in existence, but it does keep spinning a more complex web over the same ground.

I could accept that everything is energy, from the smallest atom to the largest star. Everything is a creation of this energy, my body, the chair I sit on, the computer I use to type this message, everything. The only variation is the nature of the atoms and how they are grouped together.

However, some of these collections of atoms seem inert like my chair and others have some activity going on with them, like my body; life, consciousness? What is it?

To paraphrase Omar Khayyam I visited every poet and saint for an answer but unlike him I did not find the answer in wine [I tried].

The closest I ever came to shaking my fist at god was when I was about 42. I stood out by my root cellar gazed up at the sky and said. “God if you exist let me know it”. “ If you are love as it is claimed I want to know it!”

I began my journey to discover God. No preconceptions. No expectations other than I would find out. What was this energy that made up this marvelous Universe?

I don't expect my journey to end soon. The Universe is what............ is there a word? Eternal, unending? I don't believe my journey to discover God will end soon.

I have discovered this: God is unconditional Love and we are all part of her/him.

We created the material world we reside in and we keep creating it. We cannot fully appreciate our creation as long as we are in these bodies, and are so limited in our vision, and cannot see we are part of the whole that is God.

The experiences that come down the pike to us are situations that we arranged for our learning. Sometimes we need to suck it up and know that if we love with all our might we will 'see'.

Have a great Monday folks!

Love and Peace, Gregg

DREAM

I had a dream. Not that kind, a sleep dream, this is real. I was dreaming I was involved in some kind of help for the needy, a delivery from the haves to the havenots. It is hazy but I think it involved airplanes. My ankle itched and I had to pee so I awoke. I looked at the clock and it read 3:14. I said to myself “All we have to give them is pie [PI]” I got up went about my business and put some itch cream on my ankle and crawled back in bed.

I fell asleep and took up the dream. This time I dreamed that I had to put this in my blog. With some urgency, I dreamed about the dream, and how I should write about it. Words went through my mind about it constantly. All the rest of the Night this dream went through my mind, unloading goods and how I needed to write about it. “All that we have to give them is pie” traveled through my mind a few hundred times. Is that like, “Let them eat cake?” The 3:14 connection was never a clever thing, in the dream it wasn't even slightly amusing.

I have been having weird dreams lately and as usual my memory of them is hazy. I don't think this dream meant anything, I only report it because my dream mind insisted I write about it. And I really didn't have any other ideas for my blog today; hah, what am I going to do now.

Jamie and I are working out a new phase of our relationship. She says she would like help with her memory problem and in many cases that turns out to be true. On many other cases she definitely does not want to know what she said yesterday. It is not too different from the rest of us. But when it is, it is. The usual parlance is changed. I am learning. People don't want to be reminded constantly of their memory problem. Sometimes they do want to know to know what they are forgetting, if I pay attention to something besides my own ego, I can usually tell the difference. As I say, I am learning.

I know that Jamie and I made a contract before we came into this life to have this experience for its invaluable learning. She is the teacher. It is interesting because I have little trouble keeping it from being a painful drama. I can float over things in my golden bubble, but boy, do I seem to love to get my pathetic little self [ego] into the mix and stir things up a bit. Every time it happens I vow it will never happen again. We discover why our mentors advised us never to make vows. I do learn. I don't particularly like the hard round-about way of learning.

I know the easy way to learn, follow love. Whenever I choose to serve with love and accept the care taking role things go amazing smoothly. Being the caretaker takes readjustment and even re-definition of care taking. Much of the time I float along in the old husband role, then something reminds me I am also the care taker and I have other needs to serve. In our case these are not physical needs, Jamie is well able to take care of herself and then some. These reminders are disconnections, forgetfulness, perseverations, etc. When I serve with love and consideration these things rarely cause a stir and we go along fine.

Yes, I mourn for what I have lost. I would give anything to have my old Jamie back. But this is not sudden, it would look like that to an outsider as there would appear to be a significant downturn in the last couple months. It has been a gradual decline going back some four or five years. It is not a sudden lurching pain, oh yet, still painful. When I remember, this was my idea to experience this for its use in expanding my heart and mind, I find comfort in the love that surrounds us.

Oh yes, I can cry out and show my fist to an unfair god. Actually that is kind of fun. When we can tell god off we know we are equals and perhaps we can accept oneness.

We are part of God and we are in charge of our lives. Just because we can't remember doesn't mean we weren't involved in choosing what comes down the pike.

There is nothing remarkable about me and I know I can deal with anything if I remember to choose love.

HAPPY FRIDAY FOLKS.

Love and Peace, Gregg

A NEW DANCE

Thank you for all the loving energy. I felt everything was a little better both yesterday and today; subtle but solid. It is like yesterday was a 'new' day and that feeling continues. I will provide an update from time to time.

Happy New Moon! I have often had downers during the New Moon, not today and during a Mercury Retrograde too.

My knowledge of Astrology is very thin. My experience with the New Moon is empirical and I don't know if astrology supports it. Some forty years ago I noted that I always felt uplifted when I first saw that sliver of a waxing moon as it sank in the West. Then I realized I was mildly depressed [or worse] around the time of the New Moon. It would usually come on me the day before or the day of the New Moon and last two or three days. I didn't know anybody else who experienced this. Several years later I consulted a guru type and was told all about the Moon's effect on the bodies water, much like the tides in the ocean. I was advised that it was related to the judgements I was holding onto and as I gave up judgement it would mitigate. That made sense to me as it was an angry depression. There was anger right below the surface waiting for some one to tap into it. It hasn't completely gone away, but it is much less frequent and rarely intense.

I don't know about Mercury Retrograde. There is probably something to it. It warns you of making new purchases, of signing new contracts, of possible machinery breakdowns etc. It also implies it is a good time to look over the recent past and prepare for renewal. Don't take my word for it, I am not a good source of information on the subject.

I am always concerned that if something makes you wary it could create a self-fulfilling prophecy. We shape our world with fear as well as love. Anticipating negatives can help bring them on. I don't like going through the day worrying that my computer could go out, my car could get a flat tire, I could be sued or the stamp could drop off the envelope I just mailed. Yes, we can take warnings without inserting our emotions or raising our fear level but it can be tricky. If there is something to these Astrological Events they could be expressed in a positive way to avoid triggering our latent paranoia.

Whatever the reason I feel marvelous today! I feel like I stepped out of the past and into the now. Everything is new. Everything is possible. Miracles are abundant. I know. I know. It might not last. In a couple hours I may be drifting down a shit stream. But, hey! Maybe not too.

I have been trying to understand our Oneness with Our Creator. I can grasp it intellectually. Everything is energy. We come from the energy of creation. We are the same substance. We are essentially the same mind. We are one with that mind. The mind of our Father/Mother God.

Intellectuality is not knowing. Knowing comes from the heart/mind. It is feeling the truth of it. It is experiencing the truth of it.

Last Night I read that when we accept our Oneness with the creator, the dance begins. I throw my arms up and say, “Okay Father/Mother God you lead.”

Love and Peace, Gregg

UPDATE

I wasn't going to blog today. I have been struggling with my reaction to Jamie's illness. Maybe it would help to give folks a little update. I know it helps me to express myself.

As I have mentioned before Jamie has had some damage to her hippocampus due to sleep apnea. The hippocampus produces dopamine which gives us the feeling of pleasure. Dopamine is very essential in creative people, it enhances the enjoyment of the things we make and the things that surround us. Jamie is a very creative person.

There has been a resulting depression that has gradually deepened these last few months and seems to have accelerated these last two or three weeks. The darkness she experiences is now profound. She frequently expresses a wish to die.

I have an ability to focus on the love in life and pass lightly over the dark. This seems to be especially helpful to Jamie and she has said frequently, “I am glad we both don't feel like I do.”

Sometimes it weighs me down. I wonder if I can endure it much longer. Yet I don't know what that means. I know I will endure it as long as necessary. Sometimes I don't get in touch with the depths of my feelings until the crises is over. Which reminds me of something connected with Jamie.

Forty-five or so years ago, I broke down sobbing and I sobbed and sobbed. They were not painful tears. It came to me in a rush that I was lonely all my life and didn't know it. I didn't know I was lonely until I quit being lonely. I quit being lonely because I met a person who I connected with heart and mind. That person was Jamie.

Jamie saved me. She not only solved my loneliness but she introduced me to new possibilities of thinking and doing. I blossomed spiritually and intellectually.

So I am lonely again but not like before. I don't have a piece missing. I am whole. I can sit at this moment and feel the love flowing through me. I know at some level we choose all our experiences. We learn. We love. Our hearts and minds expand.

I don't know how things will work out. I believe in miracles, but I don't deny writing on the wall; but I will always believe in miracles.

Jamie has pursued all the cures she can find, alternative and modern medicine. The usual medical treatments for depression don't work with this type of damage. She has an appointment with a psychiatrist who wants to try a remedy.

We could use your good energy. I will update you from time to time.

Love and Peace, Gregg

LOVE IS

"In like a lion out like a lamb". That is the phrase that goes through my mind as I stare out my study window and watch the snow pour relentlessly from a leaden sky. That is the old saying about March that I remember when the weather is particularly inclement this time of year. I think it generally works, I expect Spring Weather to end our month.

We were planning to go out for a late breakfast this Morning. We had a place picked out that we hadn't been to before. The snow wasn't forecast to begin until 11AM, it came an hour early. When we left home it was snowing fairly hard, we stopped to get the paper and continued on our way, we got to the vicinity of the restaurant and realized we couldn't relax and enjoy ourselves while being concerned about driving home. Added to that, Jamie wasn't feeling very well so we returned home and I cooked up a frying pan full of fried potatoes and had them accompanied by three organic eggs sunny side up. All's well that ends well.

Now I am snug as a bug in a rug observing the snowstorm from the coziness of my study. I am full of metaphors and old adages today. Or full of something, hey don't say it, don't even think it.

Yup, I am full of it sometimes. I try to be as honest and connected as I can be when I write my blog. For instance, I always talk about choosing love at every emotional and intellectual juncture. I see how important it is. When I am writing about it, I feel it. When I am away from my study and doing something else I am not so pure. I know how hard it is sometimes to feel love, no matter how convinced we are of its importance. Sometimes our feelings are hurt. Sometimes we feel dead inside. Sometimes we can't remember or bring back that feeling of being in-love or loving anything.

Just remember those are temporary states. We are always loved by a Loving Universe. No matter how disconnected we may feel, no matter how numb inside, there is love there and it is not as deep as we think. Those of us who have practiced can find it in a few minutes or even seconds by closing our eyes and quieting our minds. Those of us who are having difficulty should consider joining a mediation group, there is great benefit.

The more we learn to catch ourselves when we are in a funk and remember to raise ourselves out of it, the greater our awareness becomes. We become more and more aware of the trickiness of the ego in the use of our minds. We can learn to spot a thought that will lead to darkness and say to ourselves, “that is not my thought.”

Sometimes keeping our consciousness free of negativity seems like an uphill battle. Oh, but in those moments when we feel full of love, we know it is worth it!

We not only feel full of love, but we know we are blessing the world and helping to bring on the tsunami of love.

Humanities Winter is receding, the Lamb of Love is on the horizon.

HAPPY FRIDAY!

Love and Peace, Gregg