DOCTORING

I had a doctor's appointment this Morning with a cardiologist, this was to follow-up on the atrial fibrillation that was caused by the radiation. I didn't think I would make it. Last Night the forecast, for this Morning, was for -31F temps. They were right it was that cold this Morning and the wind chill was about -50. However, it was bright and Sunny, I called first to make sure the doctor was in and I decided to go. I was surprised at the number of people who showed up for their appointments. There seemed to be as many people as usual.

I love my cardiologist. She was willing to discuss and argue with me about the benefit of continuing on heart medication. She was convincing. She pointed out that I am one who is asymptomatic [which means I am not aware of it] when I go into atrial fibrillation and I could have a stroke if I am not taking a blood thinner. She agreed with my protesting arguments but still felt that the medication was warranted. I asked her if I was her Grandfather would she recommend it she said, “In that case I would have some power and I would force him to do it.” I have a very good feeling about her and feel very fortunate to have such competent, dedicated people caring for me. I had an echo-cardiogram a couple weeks ago and an EKG this Morning. Everything checks out and I don't have to see her again for six months.

Unless there is some flare up this extraordinary doctoring is over. Last week my oncologist said I would not need to check in for another six months if my PET scan scheduled for the end of February is clear. Let's hope it is.

It is hard to believe this eight months of doctoring is coming to a close. I have yet to assimilate all that I have learned. I was one who sought out medical assistance only a handful of times in my life and I never imagined I would have a need to. I was hospitalized twice with A-fib and had fifteen weeks of radiation and chemotherapy. Everybody I dealt with had my best interest in mind. The staff, from the doctors to the house cleaners, were wonderful. Their competence and dedication was outstanding and the love I felt from most of them was so comforting and reassuring. This was true of the hospital staff as well as the technicians who supervised the radiation. I felt loved by these people.

I have a great deal of criticism for how we provide and don't provide medical care in this Country, but I have nothing but praise for the people who actually provide the hands-on care. I am a nobody, who is just lucky enough, to have good insurance. Everybody deserves to have the same quality of care that I received. Everybody, that means everybody, no exceptions. We can not consider ourselves a civilized country until we have the same quality medical care for all.

Love and Peace, Gregg

EGO WILES

It is a gorgeous day! The view out my study window is beautiful! Blazing Sunshine! It is hard to accept the forecast that it might be -30 F Wednesday Morning. I have a doctor's appointment that Morning. I am not thrilled.

Last Night I had an itch on my back right along the belt line. Right before I hopped into bed I put a lotion on it designed to deal with itches. It takes ten minutes or so to soak in or dry. I didn't want to just sit up on the edge of the bed so I tried laying on my stomach without covers. It must be years since I laid on my stomach. I could hardly do it. Where does one put their arms? Do we fold them up under the chest? How do we keep from smothering? Okay, I could put one arm under my head to keep my nose out of the pillow. Am I comfortable yet? I managed it for the required time, but how come I can't lay on my stomach anymore? When was the last time it was natural? Was it the growing stomach that changed things? Well, until I can get a time machine and go back and see the change I probably won't find out. I bet it is over thirty years since I could sleep on my stomach.

If you are not bored to death you can read more about Gregg's personal adventures. My ego has been giving me bad advice lately. When I am dealing with a situation requiring nuance and love it encourages me to be forceful and controlling. Examining the situation I realized the ego was using its old trick of introducing fear at every level. The fear can be disguised as responsibility, “if you don't do something now it will get worse.” The ego can be quite clever at hiding the fear and can mask its recommendations as reasonable.

How can we tell the difference between the urges of the ego and intuition or guidance? Intuition and guidance never have a hint of fear. They may be given crystal clear, but are never forceful. Our free choice is always honored. It is a knowing. A knowing devoid of fear.

The ego can be very clever at hiding the fear but has a little harder time hiding its controlling nature. It keeps pushing its idea into your mind even after you have committed yourself not to think about it. I treat my ego as if it is a tantrumming child. I soothe it tell it is okay and tuck it into bed. I put the covers up under its chin and tell it to go to sleep. I thank it for all the times it has saved my life. Perhaps when being attacked by a wild animal or avoiding an arrow destined to penetrate my body. I tell it those things are not happening in my life now. I don't need its warnings anymore. I tell it I created it when I needed it to protect my fragile body in an alien world, but I haven't needed it for many years.

The ego, created to be protective, became jealous of other sources of guidance we might have. It is reluctant to give up control. It wants to be number one. It introduces its competitive, controlling nature in all our activities both personal and in the society at large.

As individuals we have come a long way from the absolute tyranny of the ego. We have enlarged our heart consciousness and have learned to listen to our higher self for guidance, still our egos are always on the alert to have an influence. Sometimes we are going to get sucked in and take an ego-trip. It is important not to get too upset by our yielding to the ego's wiles. There is no need for regret. The Universal Life Force can even use our ego displays to aid in our awakening.

It is good to remember all fear, all judgement, all separation, all anger, all condemnation are the ego's doings.

We cannot fight the ego. We can not succeed by using negativity to defeat it. The ego is darkness, we can't use more darkness to overcome it. The ego lives on fear. It cannot tolerate blazing love. We can't fight it but we can love it into submission. Whenever we sense the presence of our egos we can call on the Love of our Universal Source. Help is always available.

Love and Peace, Gregg

A NEW WORLD?

I look out the window of my study and I see bright Sunshine. It is beautiful! The two amaryllis on my windowsill continue to thrust skyward. One is already about 14 inches tall, I think it will bloom before Valentine's Day which was my goal. My eye flicks over to the thermometer that registers 4.3 degrees F. We are about 4 degrees higher than the official temperature so it must still be close to zero. Yup, were in a little cold spell and it is supposed to last the rest of the month.

That should be a segue in to some profound comment on the world, but I am unusually un-creative. I would rather look at the bright Sunshine out my window than peek at the world. The madness continues. Couldn't we be like Rip Van Winkle and sleep until the craziness is over? It is puzzling that the governments of the world can behave so madly at the same time folks are waking up.

Yesterday I said to Jamie, “Where do you want to live when I am president?” She answered as if it was a serious question. I was [amusingly] speculating on the idea. No, I wouldn't want to do it. And I don't think I have the talent. Years ago, during the Carter administration I did more serious speculation. I loved Carter deeply but I was frustrated that he couldn't make headway in the direction we both thought the country should go.

I imagined about a four year plan where I would knock on my neighbor's doors and present them with my intention to run for president and my plans if elected. I would continue in concentric rings until I had covered a significant area. I would seek no press coverage and ask for no money. I would assume enough interest would build up that the press would seek out what was going on because of the interest and energy that would be created. I imagined attending meetings and functions where people wanted to discuss how we could have a sane world. I imagined myself as the learner as well as the teacher. I knew I didn't have more to say than the average person. How do we want to live? How do we want to treat each other? What is the government really for? We enjoy living in a loving family can we extend that idea to a loving world? Do we want to support an empire or do we want to live in a world where nations help each other like we would expect family members to do?

I imagined people coming together and forming a wave of energy that would energize others and multiply to the point where leaders elected would be those most committed to creating a loving world.

Of course these ideas stayed in my mind. That was about forty years ago. There have always been people who teach we could have a sane and loving world and as long as they don't have a significant following they are safe and remain as 'proof' that we are a free people. However if they dare to create a movement of any power, the cabal or whatever we want to call those who are perennially in power, have a way to deal with them; witness Martin Luther King, John and Bobby Kennedy and several others. Perhaps it is good that those ideas stayed in my mind or I might not be typing this today.

Lick your finger and stick it up in the wind. Is it time now? Is it time that the people demand to have a world led by the most loving and wise among us? Aren't we very, very, tired of living in an insane asylum?

Let us go ask our neighbors what they think. Loving each other is just not that hard. We might learn to enjoy it.

HAPPY FRIDAY!

Love and Peace, Gregg

A BIRTHDAY

I feel like I am living in a technological bubble. My first house had its own well and a fireplace for emergency heat. The place I just moved out of after 43 years had its own well and two wood stoves. I never gave a second thought to the thermometer when it plunged below zero. I could always crank up a wood stove. Now.................. twice we had to call the furnace man. Both times after hours and the temperature was heading down. He is a great guy, I asked him kiddingly, if he had anything to do with these furnaces going out on these cold Nights. He said, “ I have never had a furnace call in July.” We don't actually feel particularly vulnerable, we have such great service men in the area. Both of the furnace problems were normal wear and tear, they are going to happen when the demand for heat is growing swiftly. The first problem was a Flame Sensor the second time it was a Pressure Switch that was stuck closed. Hopefully all will be well for the foreseeable future.

It is my birthday tomorrow. I will have completed 84 years on planet Earth and I will begin the first day of my 85^th year. I confuse myself and others by saying it this way. In our common parlance I will be 84 tomorrow, although it is also true I am beginning my 85^th year. That is enough of that silliness.

The world I was born into is strikingly different from today's world. Our only communication device besides the telephone was AM radio. I don't know when FM became available, but the folks that lived in our area only had AM. Our telephone was a party line, my grandparents had a private line but few people did. We were one of the first people in our neighborhood to get a TV. I think I was thirteen. We got it on a fluke. Believe me my one/half Norwegian Father would never have shelled out the money for a TV. I could be wrong, he loved technology. However in this case, his brother, my Uncle Mo bought a TV for my elderly Grandparents. After a few days my Grandfather saw little people in suits around the house when the TV was turned off. It was decided that we should have the TV. I think my Grandfathers delusions disappeared with the TV.

Interestingly enough, I was on TV about a year later. There was an Outdoor Sport Show that aired. It was called the Jerry Carnes Show. They had a Golden Retriever puppy on the show and they were giving it away to the person who would write the best suggestion they could use for their show. I think I scribbled out 36 suggestions and sent them in. I won!

The TV studio looked nothing like it looked on the screen. It was in St Paul in a barn like building. There was a large open space with a dingy looking set on one end with huge cameras surrounding it. It looked much neater and more elegant when viewed from home.

My dog came from Kingdale's Kennels. I named and registered him as Kingdale's Thunderbolt. Of course he was always just Thunder. He was my best friend much of the time growing up. He must have been six years old when I went in the Air Force in 1954. When I was discharged in 1958 he had grown old. He died a few months after I came home. I was happy he waited for me to return before he left. I can't help but shed a tear or two on the keyboard.

I couldn't begin to recall all the changes I have seen in my lifetime. When I left High School and started working in 1952 we still had street cars. When folks went on a trip they took a train. When I joined the Air Force they sent us out to California for basic training by train, Pullman, that is when trains were still elegant. I don't think I have ever been treated more royally than on that trip. The dining car was equipped better than any restaurant I have ever been in, crystal and what looked like sterling silver [I am sure it wasn't] and the food it was great and the menus surprisingly expansive.

Little things like adding machines didn't exist outside of business establishments. Balancing your checkbook took a sharp pencil and a little mathematics. I didn't own an adding machine until I went into private practice in 1971.

Of course that brings us to computers that have made the greatest changes in our lives.

I was first introduced to computers when I was in the Air Force I was an electronic technician, I repaired, installed and maintained Radar Sets. We had a computer that programmed the returning signals that were portrayed on a screen for the Radar Operators to view. The computer sat in a huge quonset hut that had to be air conditioned. It used electron tubes, one of which was about thirty inches tall. All that it did was compute azimuth and distance. It must have cost millions of dollars. A hand held device today could do the same thing and cost a few dollars.

There have been so many changes. I will mention one more, grocery stores. Most grocery stores were Mom an Pop affairs and they occurred every few blocks where I lived. The family often lived above the store. In larger towns and in some sections of cities a big grocery store would exist, but nothing like super markets today. Much of the food stuff was sold in bulk and had to be packaged. Flour and white sugar were packaged. Brown sugar was in a bin. Potatoes, rice etc. could be found both packaged and in bulk. There were separate stores that were specialized meat markets, in our neighborhood, the large grocery store had a meat market. The chickens hung by their feet behind the counter and the grocer asked you if you wanted it drawn or not. There was no extra charge. My Mom always wanted to clean the chicken herself. I don't know her reasoning.

In one sense the changes are profound, yet life continues to be dominated by one thing, relationships; how we treat one another. I would rather live in a cave or the middle of a jungle with folks that loved each other than in a high technology world where people were not cared for and treated with respect.

Love and Peace, Gregg

BLOOD WOLF SUPERMOON

I missed the most majestic part of the lunar eclipse last Night because I am an idiot. I was looking forward to seeing this Blood Wolf Supermoon. How am I an idiot? Well I won't go into all the ways.

This time of year the Sun is low on the Southern horizon and we have a very large Arborvitae Hedge on our Southern border. Except for a few hours a day the Sun barely skirts this hedge in its arc across the sky.

I saw the Moon as it came up and I saw it when it first began to eclipse. I went out when it should have been getting interesting and I couldn't see it. I assumed it must have dropped behind the hedge. That is how I am an idiot! The Moon doesn't follow the same arc as the Sun! I am sure there are some seasonal changes, but the Moon is high in the sky all Winter. What was I thinking? I know better. I always know the phase of the Moon and where it may be. How could I have had such a brain lapse!

In the early part of the Evening we had wispy clouds, it must have been obscured temporarily when I was out there. It was cold and I didn't spend more than seconds out there at a time.

When I realized, “Hey! The Moon should be high in the sky” it was past it's red phase and moving out of the eclipse.

In my defense my attitude was muted because we have had only iffy experiences with these lunar events. It is so often cloudy and the best parts are missed. We had a forecast for occasional wispy clouds and who knew it was going to clear up into a fantastic, sparkly Night.

Then we have had some fantastic times watching Lunar Eclipses also, usually unplanned. I remember one time my brother Garth and his lovely wife Arlene came over for a visit. We sat around a fire and watched an eclipse from its very conception to it's end. It was one of those perfect Nights, no mosquitoes and warm enough to be clad lightly. Garth left us a few years ago. I miss him and think of him frequently. We didn't get together much when he was alive, but every time we did it was like we were never parted. We could instantly reconnect. I loved him deeply. That event must have been in the middle to late Eighties.

I remember another Lunar event in the early Eighties. I don't remember if the aforementioned was total but this one was partial. There were more people present and it was a little raucous. It was an amazing enlightening experience and a great time was had by all. There may have been a mushroom involved.

It bothered me that I missed the best part of the eclipse. I saw some marvelous pictures of it on the internet. I have never seen a Moon that red!

I am writing in the Morning because I have things to do this afternoon. Right now I am going to go out and get a paper and come home, read the funnies and peruse the news.

Love and Peace, Gregg

SHAPING THE WORLD

Wow! Has the world gone completely mad or what? Societies structures were predicted to crumble from the inside, is that what is happening? The predictions are old, from people like Edgar Cayce, is it finally happening? Many of us have given up on anything changing, but something must be happening.

I haven't been able to make much comment on the world scene for awhile. Everything is so chaotic. Old labels don't mean the same thing. The divisiveness and polarization have become so extreme it is hard to achieve clarity if we don't except either side with totality.

One of my favorite bloggers from the old days, a person that I have recommended in my blog, has become so incensed by the propaganda of the side he used to be on that he now is beginning to sound like the side he used to oppose. Do we need to take sides? Can't we state what we think without joining one tent or another?

When we are into this kind of polarization our minds tend to automatically attempt to categorize people as coming from one tent or another. Can we resist that? We cannot hear if we do that.

I know how I resolve this situation for myself. I ask myself is this the most loving decision or action that could be made? Am I including all in my decision or action? Am I taking this action or making this decision without bias or predetermined programming?

Can we do this? I don't have many decisions in my personal life which test this proposition. Would I be able to make the best decisions out of love on a global scale? One would have to see all sides with clarity and not be mucked up by allegiance to one group or another.

All that I have, is that love is the answer and the belief that it is possible to make all decisions out of love for everyone.

Is it possible that if we decide to do that in our personal lives the energy will rise through society and effect decisions on a global scale? Can we try that? The recommendation from the Great Ones to “Love One Another” meant everybody not just the ones perceived as on our side. I know that is obvious but I think we all need a reminder.

I know it is not as bad as it seems through the idiot box. The people I meet everyday don't seem that polarized. Most people seem to live their lives in the most loving way they can. I know there is no real top or bottom but we are used to looking at it that way and from that perspective I think change is going to come from the bottom and rise to the top. The elites, the controllers, the top few percentage of the population economically don't have much incentive to change. They stay in power by keeping people polarized and in their own pens fighting each other.

We need to wake up and realize the only battle is between love and fear. It is like looking through a pair of binoculars, one side sees only love, the other only fear. Our perception is based on what we see with our dominate eye. We can train ourselves to see through the loving side. That eye will become dominate. We create the world with our perception.

The World is ours for the shaping, let us do it with Love.

HAPPY FRIDAY!

Love and Peace, Gregg

DIGGING OUT OUR FEARS

Ah.............. my insomnia is getting better. I am very thankful and thanks to those who messaged me with their comments. They are helpful. In my own little sphere of people I know, relatives and friends, there are several who suffer from some form of insomnia. I wonder how common it is?

According to some it is common and caused by the increased energy flow on Planet Earth. As the consciousness rises across the planet we are all invited to give up our hidden fears that hold us stagnant or at least impede our spiritual and psychological growth.

We all have them. Fear was intended to be a friendly warning that some danger was about to impinge upon us. It needs to be dealt with in the now, immediately. Our egos which were meant to serve us knew they existed only because of our belief in separation. The separation became so extreme that we began identifying with our egos rather than our spirit. Never completely one way or the other. Individually and collectively we facilitated between war and peace.

It has been a long journey, our struggle with ego dominance has led to myriad examples of war and destruction.

On an individual level many us who have a long history of choosing love and peace, still have buried fears that create hidden and not so hidden anxieties. Through this lifetime and in all past ones we may have attempted to eschew the significance of the ego. A war on the ego doesn't work. I will discuss why in a later blog.

The ego is brilliant at making an immediate fear into an ongoing concern. If we are seeking peace we cannot tolerate the annoyance so we tend to 'bury' it. In the future when we are aware of fear, look to see how to protect yourself. The action will be immediate, now. If there is no action to be taken stop entertaining the idea, don't judge it, don't evaluate it and dismiss it as harmless. If you are one who has been practicing associating love with all of your actions, you are ahead of the game.

For the hidden fears we may have been carrying with us, we can look for them. It is a type of meditation, but instead of not letting them in we let them arise, turn them over in our minds, do not attach feelings, realize they are a trick of the ego and let them go. If we don't attach feelings or significance to them, they will not return. That doesn't mean we won't have to do it again with the same fear. We are complicated beings, we don't always see how we re-invite a fear. It is hard to believe but we can have favorite fears like flavors of ice cream.

It would be be helpful to have a quiet time twice a day and first dismiss active and hidden fears and then sink into a loving peaceful state for a few minutes. One doesn't need to search for fears just deal with the ones that float up. Dismiss them as errors and don't re-bury them. It greatly helps to have some belief in an energy and existence outside your body. There is help but one has to discover that for themselves.

The devout who accept the core beliefs of their religion have a great advantage. They know God is Love and they know we have help available. I have studied the core beliefs of the major religions of the world and they all accept God is Love. We are all part of God. We are One.

The negativity coming from religion is caused by folks distorting the premises for the purpose of control. No religion on Earth has stayed in its pure form for more than a few years. Most were developed into a control mechanism almost at their inception.

Despite that, there are millions and millions of devout people of all faiths who have been able to relate to the core beliefs and disregard the craziness. They shine love upon a thirsty world.

I don't accept any religion but I accept the core beliefs of all. I believe we are one, inseparable from our creator and at a spirit level we know this. I believe we took this trip to experience separation. Love is Oneness. Separation is Ego.

My religion is a search for what is. I believe in an infinitely Loving Universe. I want to know it. I want to explore it. I want to love everybody in it.

Happy Wednesday!

Love and Peace, Gregg

INSOMNIA

I am kind of out of it. I didn't sleep well last Night and this Morning I decided not to make coffee to test whether coffee was contributing to my insomnia. So I wake up groggy and then eschew the only cure I know.

Yes, I still struggle with insomnia. I will have a couple better Nights and then I am back to a bad once again. As I mentioned before, I first thought it might be related to fear of death and after extensive self-evaluation decided it wasn't. Yet death has many layers, I could be free of fear of death of the body and yet be grieving over the end of all the relationships on the planet. Relationships with my wife, children, family, Sunshine, flowers, Summer breezes, breathtaking landscapes, crickets, grasshoppers, butterflies, birds, lakes, rivers, the smell of a Summer Morning, need I go on?

Sure I believe I will continue! But this Planet Earth and the illusions I experience here are unique. This is an amazing planet. It is rich and beautiful beyond belief and I so much want to be here for the Grand Awakening. However, I accept the Universe's plan for salvation of the Earth's people and my part in it. I know I will serve wherever I am.

I have been way to preoccupied with the end of life lately. It occurred to me that I didn't want to leave Jamie in the lurch if I suddenly killed over, so I have been arranging our financial affairs so she won't have difficulty. They are not particularly complicated but as I mentioned in a previous blog Jamie has a mood disorder caused by damage to her hippocampus. It doesn't provide enough dopamine. This condition comes with some intermittent forgetfulness. It is believed that this problem was caused by sleep apnea. In any case Jamie and I decided that a family member should be made aware of our finances so they can advise Jamie, or take over, when necessary. We chose Naomi as she lives close and is wise in the handling of money.

Then I have been in the process of filling out an End to Life Declaration, I guess it is called an Advanced Care Directive, or at least thinking about it. I don't actually have it in my hand yet. [I like my name better]

All this is happening when I am trying to speculate if death has something to do with my insomnia. Something is not right about this pattern.

Then on top of this I am coming out of a situation where I did flirt with death. My doctor told me I had 3 to 4 months tops, to live, without treatment.

I am just beginning to feel as good as I did before I was hit with this affliction. I don't think death is at my doorstep and I feel the old man with the scythe is moving further and further away.

I potted the two remaining amaryllis yesterday, I used to have a dozen and more. It reminded me how much I will miss getting my hands in the dirt. It is the memory I am in love with, even in perfect health I couldn't indulge in the gardening of the past. I can do patio gardening and there are a couple huge boulders in my backyard which are perfect centerpieces that can be surrounded with flowers.

In case anyone has suggestions; my insomnia is the type that occurs after I have been asleep. When I go to bed I am normally tired, I go to sleep without much of a problem, then I awake after one hour and am wide awake. Sometimes I am agitated but usually not. I suspect the insomnia is psychological and I am responding to some kind of continuing repressed anxiety. Maybe not. I continue my internal search. I will unearth whatever might be there.

I do respond to affirmations about love and I can get through the Night by surrounding my self with love. So being awake is not always awful, but it would be nice to sink into a sound sleep.

Love and Peace, Gregg

CAN'T COMPLAIN

In a recent blog I was complaining about all the medical appointments I had, later I was feeling sheepish. As legitimate or not my complaints might be, I was getting top rate care at almost no expense to me, while millions of my countrymen have no or inadequate care and many go bankrupt due to the expense.

It is outrageous! It boggles my mind that some folks resist some form of socialized medicine. The government is here to serve the people. Things necessary for survival should be provided. There is no legitimate argument about it. Most civilized countries of the world have free medical care, education and a list of other benefits to make life more pleasant and productive. How are we different?

I had fifteen weeks of having radiation five days a week and chemo every week. I didn't pay a penny. I would have been one of those seeking bankruptcy if I had to pay for it. I have been so fortunate! I have been blessed in my life so many times. Some things that seemed like horrible misfortune turned out to be great blessings.

I got divorced, remarried and took a sabbatical during the most productive [financially] time of life. I realized I wasn't going to be able to provide a decent life for my two youngest children, scraping a living from the land and with no money, I had dreams of making enough money with my offbeat alternative psychotherapy practice. Nope. I attracted a lot of people for the benefit, but their pockets didn't jingle. I am not complaining. I learned so much I couldn't pay for the wealth of knowledge that was provided.

After seven years of contemplating my navel and sharing my learning with a myriad of interesting people, I again offered myself to the marketplace. Unfortunately, nobody wanted me at the level I left. I had a Bachelors in Psychology, a Masters in Social Work and a postgraduate Certificate in Family Therapy. I had worked for Wilder Child Guidance Clinic, The Family Therapy Institute and was in solo private practice for several years. My last job in “the system” was as a supervisor for Anoka County Social Services. I could not find employment close to my experience.

I finally found employment as an entry level social worker in Aitken County. After working there for a couple weeks my supervisor approached me with the information that I had to sign something that would disavow my Masters Degree as the State would not allow a Masters level person to work for such low wages. I did.

I loved working for Aitken County. The wages were not low for a person used to living without money. I would have stayed there forever if it was closer [I had to drive seventy miles one way] and my wish to do more acknowledged psychotherapy. I say acknowledged because Social Workers all over the world do a great deal of psychotherapy without ever labeling it as such. After two years I moved to another rural county even further away, eighty miles. I was there less than a year when I was hired by a private agency to do In-home Family Therapy in St Cloud and environs. It was my dream job. It was only forty miles from home. I thought I would work there forever.

I didn't know there was politics in the background. Apparently the director of the agency felt that the In-home Family Therapy Program was forced on her by central casting. Our little agency was part of a larger state wide group. It was her job to go to the local county social service agencies and promote our program. Her heart wasn't in it. After a year our referrals dwindled. It was obvious my job was in jeopardy. I couldn't believe it. I remember walking down the sidewalk with a couple of colleagues, we were discussing the situation wondering if it was as dire as it seemed; the the words went through my mind “if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck and walks like a duck, it is a duck.”

It was a deep despairing moment for me. I was standing in my kitchen without a job facing the idea of a reintroduction to pennilessness. The first time it was a voluntary adventure. This time no no no.................

I don't know what the set up was. Was there an ad in the paper? I don't think so. Did I make some inquiries? I don't remember. All that I know is that the telephone rang as I was standing in the kitchen. I picked it up. It was the supervisor of intake at Anoka County Social Services. She offered me a job doing In-home Family Therapy for people referred for services. The idea was that a short term intense service might prevent a long term case. [By the way- it worked]

In a conversation that took about thirty seconds my life changed.

I wasn't in intake more than a year when I was delegated to start up the new Children's Mental Health Unit. Some years later I was promoted to Program Manager for Family and Children Services for Anoka County. I retired in 2000.

This was actually my third term of employment for Anoka County Social Services. I began in 1962 quit to go to graduate school in1964, returned with a Masters Degree in 1966 and left in 1968 to join Wilder Child Guidance Center. This last time I stayed eleven years.

Yes I have had a charmed life.

I will not complain about anything!

HAPPY FRIDAY!

Love and Peace, Gregg

CHOICE

Good Morning, another early blog, I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon. I could get into the habit of blogging in the Morning. I like it. My pattern of blogging in the afternoon is based on the idea that I am never sure what I want to say so I need time to cogitate. I can just as well hope for inspiration with my talons arched over the keyboard.

Last Nights speech puts some of us in a dilemma. We see the struggle for enlightenment as a contrast between love and fear. We know a fear reaction, on our part, only gives energy to what we don't want and we learned from our mentors and personal experience that an angry reaction also gives power to the other side. And both fear and anger do nothing for us personally. Anger gives us a temporary feeling of righteousness and the feeling can be addictive but it leads nowhere.

I didn't hear the speech. I had the sound off. The commentary, however, said it appealed to the fearful and angry that fits with the picture I have.

This is the most divisive time I have lived through. Anger and fear pervades our world regardless of what position we take. When I scroll through Facebook I am impressed with the level of anger and fear this man provokes. Some of the memes are very clever and funny and I 'like' them in spite of my better judgement. I do try to show my approval for those that are funny or educational without triggering fear or anger.

I was reading a news magazine yesterday and a well of sadness engulfed me. I began to cry. I don't get angry anymore because of world events, at least not more than a momentary flash, and I don't generally get fearful because in the end I believe things will turn out okay. Perhaps, I am not always in touch with my sadness because when I am, it is always so powerful and without specific focus. Our world is so incredibly sad. Because of our fear we have allowed a world to be created by authorities we have worshipped [or at least looked up to]. These folks make a world that only benefits their group. They have exploited the vast majority of us and have done very little to elevate.

We have begun to realize we are the only one who can make us happy. We cannot abdicate the throne of responsibility for our autonomous self. Sure we love groups! We identify as groups. That is okay, but we need to be wise and intuitive about the leaders we choose. And we get direction from a leader, we don't follow them. We can only follow our own intuition. We each have our own path; it may be populated or lonely but it is ours.

Our whole choice is one of love and fear at every moment. We choose love. We cannot go wrong.

We no longer want a world created with angry or fearful thoughts. We learn to recognize them. We don't want them in our consciousness.

We know The World created only with loving thought awaits us. Let us join.

I need to fry up yesterday's baked potato with a couple eggs.

Love and Peace, Gregg

TANTRUM

I wasn't going to blog today. Why? Because I am crabby. In fact I am having a tantrum. I am tired of things not being settled after our move. Things in the wrong place. Things lost. Changes I have wanted to make for a month that for some reason don't get done. And doctors appointments, I am supposed to be winding down my relationship with the medical profession, yet I have about five appointments this month. The new folks seem to want to do over what the folks in Mora did. I don't feel like I need anymore attention from medical people.

Yah, I am having a tantrum. Now it is fading away. Damn it! I wanted to enjoy it a little more.

When I am in a bad mood I always know I can get out of it. Usually all I need to do is sit back and close my eyes and change my thought pattern. Forgive what I need to forgive and spend sometime in the moment healing. But sometimes I want to wallow in it, rant and rave and indulge my unhappy self. Jamie doesn't care for it and I really don't either. Writing about it causes it to fade away. That is good.

I know there is only Love and all else is illusion. Our ego created illusion seems like our reality some days. I take a peak into the larger world and holy cow are things mad. My tantrum is small potatoes. Perhaps when things subside I will have some comment.

I do see signs of an improvement. There are signs of awakening everywhere. I will comment on that too in a later blog.

It is going to be a short blog today and I can't guarantee I will meet my schedule for the rest of this month. I will be busy doctoring.

I am going to sit back and commune with my being. I am going to get connected with the Love of the Universe and allow the love to flow through me. We are here to aid the awakening.

Love and Peace, Gregg

EARLY MORNING

Good Morning! It is only 7:48AM. The earliest I have started my blog, of course I have no idea when I will finish and send it out.

I was tired last Night so I went to bed right after Jamie about 9:30. Well I am one who generally can't lay in bed more than seven hours, so I was wide awake and got up at 4:30AM. What do you do on a Minnesota Winter Morning at 4:30? Good God, the world is still dead asleep and it is nearly three hours before light begins to dawn. For the last 16 years of my working life I arose at 5:30AM and that was very early 6 months out of the year.

Seasons are really remarkable and the light makes a great deal of difference. The days are getting longer and we will notice it before the end of this month. When I was working at Anoka it took me about an hour to get home. I used to mark my birthday [Jan 24] by trying to get home without turning on the headlights. We got off at 4:30 and if I got out in time I could just make it. I would arrive home at 5:30 when the car lights should be on. No I didn't play this game to the extent of being dangerous, however the last couple miles were on gravel roads and no traffic.

My life is returning to normal. I took over washing the dishes a few days ago. It is a chore I enjoy doing and to Jamie it is just a chore. She says it is because she was forced [or strongly expected] to do them as a child. I loved hanging around the kitchen as a child, after all that is where my Mother was, but I didn't have any chores. My chores were cleaning the ashes out of the furnace and hauling them outside [Coal furnace]. In the Summer it was mowing the lawn with a non-power push mower and weeding the garden.

As I get healthier I also get more accustomed to my new digs. I need more to do, both at a physical level and an intellectual level. I know I can't push myself, my limits are still close. I am reminded of that every time I go up and down the aisle of the grocery store. It would be a good idea to keep the idiot box off and read more. I have several things I have been looking forward to reading it is time to pick them up.

I also could write more. I have contemplated writing a book for some time. I haven't settled on the big picture of the book. When I do, it will just be a matter of forming at outline and then the daily ritual of writing.

Well it is time for my mid-morning nap so I will put an end to this non-typical blog.

Love and Peace, Gregg

2019

Ahhh............the second day of 2019. So far-So good. I went to my new Doctor here in St Cloud. It was a good experience. I was able to talk about my radiation induced A-fib. He agreed to mentor me in getting off the medication. He felt it needed to be watched for a while longer. We talked about insomnia. He suggested some alternative medicines that had scientific backing. I will have to follow up with an Oncologist for awhile, but the intense period of doctoring is over.

Optimist ….............................. Pessimist. So much space in the middle and, wow, can they see the future differently; both convinced they are right. They are both right according to what they see.

We attract thought according to our consciousness. We interpret what there is to see according to our thought. The pessimist and the optimist can indeed see different worlds.

I can look forward to 2019 and see what the pessimist sees. I would rather not. Why would I want to spoil my day. If the world was a big ball of colored yarn, we could look at it and see a pleasing pattern of blending colors or we could see disturbing conflicting colors. It is our choice. Since we are the creators our choice is very powerful.

Our mind-set as we enter the New Year is very significant. We can be open to seeing the Love in the World and therefore enhance and extend it or we can contribute to the delay.

I say, contribute to the delay, because Love can't lose. At this point fear can only delay the Great Awakening, it cannot stop it.

Let us not drag our feet any longer. Our days can be stressful, they don't always come to us evenly without bumps and potholes, but we can take a few minutes from everyday to imagine the day we want. We can learn to catch our thoughts as our minds begin to slide into the gutter and lift them out. We can learn to dismiss the negative thoughts before we add feeling to them. It can save us from a downer.

We can practice being in the 'moment'. The moment of observation without thought. Our thoughts often block the love that is ever-present all around us. We can breathe in the Love of the Universe and exhale it. All will benefit.

Looking forward to a fantastic, loving 2019!

Love and Peace, Gregg