LEARNING

It is a beautiful Sunny day. It rained during the night, about a half inch. The cool air is moving in and by Saturday night we may have frost. I think the timing is about right for the first frost. We often have frost in September.

I am not as Sunny as I intend to be. Since I expounded on how wonderful my days were, in Monday's blog, perhaps I should confess up, to the fact, that things were not so wonderful yesterday. And, Jamie just accused me of being crabby a minute ago, who me, how could that be?

Remember, a few weeks ago how I described how outraged I got at someones comment? I made a resolution never to do that again. Well, I did it again. This other person doesn't care. I don't think this other person does it on purpose. I doubt if it will affect the relationship. The first time, my concern was for this other person. I apologized and the response I got, put me at rest, about how it affected him. Yesterday, I was disturbed because I had let myself down.

I value equanimity highly. I want to be peaceful in all situation. I realize, I am a denizen of planet Earth and in evolution, I give myself a lot of latitude. Still, there are limits. I was discouraged that I reacted as I did. I can rationalize. It is an interesting multi-level relationship. Many people may even applaud my reaction. However, the event put me into a self-critical spiral.

I have had enough experience dealing with the person, I know of, as myself, that I know I didn't have to wallow in feeling bad. But I did. Why would one wallow in feeling bad when they can see ways they can get out of it? One obvious answer is that they have not released all the shame and guilt that they have accumulated since their first appearance on this planet.

Also, we keep creating experiences, until we have learned, what we are trying to learn. I will learn. I will forgive myself for anything past or present that needs forgiveness. I know how to let the light shine in.

We cannot force ourselves to grow. Intent to grow, doesn't imply force. Be careful of determination, it is good, but it can be a 'bull in a china shop'. We need quiet determination and ready forgiveness, for the back sliding, that will happen.

It took many years of soaking up all kinds of craziness and mis-information about who we are. The relearning path will take patience and a constant reminder to love ourselves.

I will continue to value equanimity and I will seek peace in my relationships. I bless this person who serves as my teacher.

Isn't life wonderful!

Love and Peace, Gregg