THE MALADY

207 PM and I have just began to put words up on the screen. I have been slow all Morning mostly from this malady that has had me in its grip for these last few weeks, but also from the heat. We are not used to it, up here in Minnesota land, we had a very cool Spring so far. Yesterday the heat roared in, I think our thermometer read 87F. It reads 86.9 at this moment. It may reach 90.

We could resort to air conditioning, but I hate to jump from furnace to A/C without a full windows open opportunity in between. My favorite time of the year is when we can have the windows all open and we can enjoy the fresh breeze. We haven't had a chance to experiment in this house; which windows give the best ventilation, which can be left open at night etc.? I left a window open last Night in my study and it blew some stuff around, no big deal.

I don't have a blog in me, at least if you are thinking of one with much up lifting. This malady seems to have wiped away the wall between emotionalism and physicality. My mood and thoughts seem to affect my shortness of breath, the difficulty I have getting out of chairs, whether I am wobbly or not walking, everything.

If I can be disciplined enough to keep negativity out of my mind it is not so bad, in fact I forget about it for awhile. Keeping the mind clear used to be a practice as in meditation. Now it is an ongoing, daily, life or death struggle.

Perhaps I am readying for the time when we will be able manifest our thoughts directly into form. Who knows?

In any case I can't lose. I can only learn to love more fully. I can only learn the deep significance of forgiveness, and I will especially learn how to keep negativity from my mind.

If you find yourself with some extra energy, I wouldn't mind you sending some my way. I like thoughts and prayers.

HAPPY FRIDAY!

Love and Peace, Gregg

ONENESS VERSUS SEPARATION

I still look at the Evening News. I know it is not a good idea for my consciousness, but I am so curious about how people explain things. I see an ongoing description of the darkness that has risen to the surface. The war is between those who would want the continuation of the darkness and those who seek love and peace. The media gets more attention selling their products when they promote the dark so it often slants in that direction. However, if you are a keen observer, you will see the emergence of the light.

Although, it is mainly just chaotic, one can sense a war going on. I can think of many ways of describing it, but for today I settle on “a war between Separation and Oneness”.

This is the basic ego struggle, I versus the rest. The ego hates Oneness, it leads to peace, love and joy. The ego wants you to feel alone locked up in your psychic castle surrounded by a moat. The ego has no power of its own, it gets its power from us whenever we fall for one of its whiles. The ego's power is the fear that it can engender. The base line: Love versus Fear, or it can be stated, Oneness versus Separation.

With observation and intent, love always wins. That's the good news. The not so good news is that the ego can drag us through the brambly bushes until we correctly observe and form our intent.

I don't know how the rest of you folks are doing in this regard. My ego has been creating an onslaught of negativity. It is very subtle and fortunately I am learning from it without the brambly bush experience.

An example: I spotted my neighbor walking outside and thoughts came to my mind about him that were petty and nonsense. About the second time I met him he said something my ego reacted to. My judgmental ears popped out of the side of my head and I began to look for confirmation of that first idea. I don't know what he said that triggered my ego. It was probably something so mild that on any other day I might not have noticed. We have to be very careful that one small, seemingly inconsequential judgement, doesn't grow. Once a judgement gets lodged in the mind we automatically look for more things to reinforce the original. I have forgiven myself for this and I am sure it is past. I greatly enjoy my neighbor and I love him.

I don't know if the war between Separation and Oneness is being manifest in the individual mind in all kinds of subtle ways or not. Those lucky enough to live in an Ashram maybe be free of this temptation, but I think not.

Well, we need to be observant to what our egos are up to and dismiss their thoughts as they arise.

The light is growing, a new world is emerging.

Have a great Wednesday!

Love and Peace, Gregg

A DREAM

A rainy Monday and only 53 degrees F. We are still basking in the splendor Of yesterday when it was twenty plus degrees warmer and Sunny. A most gorgeous day!

Do you remember saying to small children when you are helping them get there pants on, “Point your toes, point your toes”? Those words came in to my mind, day before yesterday, when on attempting to don my blue jeans I got my foot jammed in one leg. I must have struggled hard because that foot was stuck to stay. I sat down on the edge of the bed, peeled my pants down to the stuck place, and I had a heck of a time getting my foot unstuck. I succeeded. “Point your toes, point your toes” were again the words that flooded through my mind. This time no problem.

How did this happen? How could a 84 year old man forget how to put on a pair of pants? Galloping senility? Oh well such is life.

Around the same time I had a dream and it came back to me again last Night. Dreams are always hard to remember and describe, but this one in particular as it had no definite structure. It started with looking at a piece of official looking paper with headings. [I could never see what they were]. It had a simple line, “Naomi [my daughter] has something of value at your house.” Later a paper appeared before my eyes saying “You have something of value at Naomi's house.”

These papers did not require a signature but they wanted some kind of acknowledgement. Next phase of the dream I was made aware that everyone had papers. Some people didn't like them and they went to court to have them nullified. The court decided they could do nothing as the papers did not demand anything, create any duty, nor did they impinge any loss or suffering on the holders. All that emanated from them was a wish for acknowledgment.

The dream went on and on. I was an observer and I speculated. Just before I awoke a voice went through my mind [this time my Son Stuart's voice]. “The papers are telling us that we are all connected, we all give and receive from each other. We are all One. It is a gentle reminder to acknowledge that.”

It was a powerful dream. Most of my dreams are a smorgasbord of nonsense.

I hope you are having a Happy Holiday wherever you are.

Love and Peace, Gregg

WHAT AILS ME

What I got caught up in, on Wednesday, was a doctors visit. Most of it was waiting but there was much more discussion than usual. I expected to arrive back home by three instead it was after four thirty. I was too weary to blog.

I have been feeling poorly for a couple weeks. Ever since my healing began in earnest in October I would have setbacks usually just at the point when I was thinking, “Boy, I am finally better!” After a week or so I would recover. The set backs included my total body. I would get out of breath easier. I would have a harder time getting in and out of my chair. I would have a harder time meditating. I would be more wobbly and be more concerned with falling. It is hard to describe but it is as if the neuro-muscular and cardiovascular systems were suddenly weakened.

I usually started to snap out of one of these setbacks in a few days. This time, no. So when I went to the doctor I was still in this funk. The blood test etc. gave plenty of explanation for what I was experiencing but did not pinpoint the problem. I did have a mild anemia with no easy explanation and a drop in my hemoglobin. These could be serious signs. He recommended I take some iron to see if it would pep me up. We explored the possibility of some kind of infection or internal bleeding and came up with nothing.

The doctor, of course, being an oncologist had to bring up the possibility of the cancer returning somewhere else in my body. There is no evidence of the esophageal tumor returning.

Everything that is happening at this moment could correct itself. We decided to wait one month and have the blood test again and if they are still off I will have to have scans completed. I will not wait a month if I don't feel better soon.

I don't know what this means for my future blogging. It sets back my announcement for my entry into the presidential race [just kidding- maybe]. I like all the candidates somewhat and some a great deal. What they have to go through to get to be president! I bet the ones with the greatest potential wouldn't consider it.

I thought I could do all my campaigning without leaving my study and I wouldn't spend a penny. I would begin to write some fiery blogs that folks could not resist passing on. I would portray myself as honestly as possible, warts and all. Lovable, of course. I would soon get the ear of The Media and it would come to me. I would not spend any effort or money on promotion. Other folks could take up the nitty gritty stuff of getting me on the ballot.

Well if I am likeable and knowledgeable enough it could be a sure thing. I could run the country from here too! Well one draw back, as long as we are still in this old age, I would have to dodge the assassins.

You can tell I must be sick allowing an ego dream to escape this mind.

I wish I lived at a place where I could raise some vegetables. Some of the mentors, I seek economic advice from, are seeing catastrophe ahead. You know and I know, we will be okay. We all have the capacity to love ourselves and others. I see love catching on everywhere. No matter what happens we will be able to take care of ourselves and our neighbors. I still would like to grub in the dirt and raise some vegetables.

HAPPY FRIDAY!

Love and Peace, Gregg

NO NO BLOG

Hey, I got involved in something that took way more time than I expected. May touch upon it Friday.

Keep loving yourself and everybody body around you!

Love and Peace,  Gregg

TODAY

It is a beautiful Spring Day! Sunny and bright, only 57F but that is a huge improvement over the low of 34F and cloudy of Yesterday.

I think I am going through some kind of evolutionary process. I need to continue to watch my thoughts and forgive and forgive and forgive. Much of the forgiveness is for myself. I wonder how many times we make a silent judgement when an equally silent forgiveness would have sufficed to bring us peace and understanding.

My dreams! They are so convoluted but real. I awake at Night and am not sure immediately that I am not still dreaming. The dreams are not bad dreams. I don't wish I didn't have them, but I am pleased to know they were dreams. I think the dreams create an expectation that I must do something. The disturbing aspect of them is that they are so real, I can't tell them from real life. Of course that raises the question, “Are we dreaming all the time?”

I am out of sync. Our mail comes around 2:30PM. At 1:45 I remembered I had to get a card off to one of my Grandsons. I rushed to get it addressed and got down to the mailbox just before 2PM. The mail was here already. Disappointment! They are never here this early, especially on Monday. Just a few minutes ago, I saw what looked like a mail man coming to the door with a package. I asked him if he was just delivering the mail, he answered in the affirmative. I asked him, “How come there was something in my mail box today? I know I got it Saturday.” He said, “It is probably the new Amazon delivery on Sunday.” That is new to me. I am happy to know my card will go out today.

Slice of life drivel from Gregg Gillett.

And that is all I seem to have. My creative juices are not flowing.

I will continue my day with the intent of making this waking dream as pleasant as possible for myself and those around me. I am going to sit out in the Sun.

Love and Peace, Gregg

TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS

Good Morning! Yes it it early, 9:29 AM at this moment. This afternoon I will be in the bank taking care of big business. Well not really, small potatoes actually. I have to do some things associated with 'getting your affairs in order'. No I don't have a crystal ball telling me of my demise. I meant to take care of these things months ago. One wants to make it as easy as possible for those left to deal with financial matters.

I don't have anything rising to my mind that I should write about. I am a little preoccupied by a few things I need to do before I leave. My bank is in the county I used to live in and it is fifty miles away [Mora, MN] I don't intend to change. I have great loyalty to that bank. They have been with me through the hard times and the easy times. Now-a-days I can do 99% of my banking from my computer.

By evening we will have a little better idea how the trade war will affect the economy.

I should be back here about 4PM and if there is anything I feel I need to write about I will.

All we can do is just love ourselves and everybody around us, stay in the moment and see only love.

Happy Friday Everyone!

Love and Peace, Gregg