SOMETIMES IT AIN'T EASY

It has been a busy Morning. Besides my regular chores, I had to take my truck up to the garage, because the clutch wouldn't disengage. I have a 1996 ford Ranger that I have owned for 16 years. It is a great vehicle and it has hauled a lot of feed and hay. It is also my main transportation when I want to go to town to get the paper or do a little shopping. It has been disabled for about a month- I miss it.

Last night I was anticipating getting the truck up to the garage. I cannot shift when the engine is running. So I knew I would have to figure out how to start out in as high a gear as possible and hope I didn't need to stop. It is a distance of ten miles and four stop signs. On top of that it was forecast to get down to -17F and I was concerned about the pipe to the kitchen sink freezing again.

Now I have been teaching and lecturing folks about how to deal with fear thoughts for forty years. I should be an expert on controlling my own mind, right? Well last night, I had a toasty fire going in the wood stove, every thing appeared peaceful, even serene. So, what am I doing? I am having waves of anxiety about freezing pipes and dealing with the truck in these inclement conditions. I would calm myself down but the negative thought would come back with a vengeance. I managed to get above it and it didn't hurt my whole evening; but gee, who wants to do that?

It is humbling. We are all part of the human race. We all have certain triggers that can cause an upheaval in our consciousness. It is strange being caught up in negativity when you know better. I know how it works. I know how to get out of it. Why do we still allow ourselves to get trapped? What were the triggers that were causing me a problem? Was it fear that I wouldn't be able to cope with a worse case scenario? Perhaps; although in my better moments I know I can cope with anything. A pipe in the crawl space breaking and spewing water would be a considerable challenge. That is not likely however, by history, but still?

TRUST! Trust that we are far more than our limited perception allows, is a huge thing. Think of how important trust is, in creating our future. It can't help but shape expectations that affect everything.

By the time the evening was over and I went to bed, I discovered trust, and found peace. I had a great night's sleep.

Yes, this Morning the pipe was frozen, but it took only a few minutes to thaw with a hair dryer. My chores were completed smoothly. I was able to get my truck moving in second gear, so I was able to travel the ten miles at thirty miles an hour. There were no cars coming at the four stop signs, so I was able to roll on through without stopping. All and all, an easy and uneventful trip, and a very pleasant Morning.

We have to realize that no matter what happens; it is okay. Really okay! We can't see everything while we are in these bodies. That is okay. We all will have a funk from time to time. It is learning. And that is OKAY.

I had an interesting coincidence yesterday. The Morning paper had an article about a doctor who taught people that happiness had a direct connection to physical health. He described various strategies to express happiness, whether one was feeling it or not. The hypothesis being, that if we act happy, even when we may not be, we will teach ourselves to be happy. He had experience as both a physician and an actor. He knew how to look happy.

Last night, before I went to bed, I read a blog called HEAVEN LETTERS that explored the same subject. It is an issue I come across again and again. I have written about it. Happiness is. It occurs when we are peaceful. Peace and happiness are always available. It is up to us.

Love and Peace,  Gregg

LIVING NOW

It is supposed to be below zero for the next three nights. I wonder if this will be the last blast for awhile. As I have mentioned, Winter seems more gripping this year. It isn't by any objective standard. January was more pleasant than usual and although February has been colder than average, it hasn't been horrible, and besides that, we have had little snow to contend with. So, why does it seem to last and last? Must be the state of my mind. I must not be fully accepting it.

When Winter came, we were in the midst of changing things on Laughing Water Farm. Everything was not quite wrapped up with our construction project. We moved the chickens to a new coop. We have an incomplete fencing project. We haven't quite decided on what and how many animals we are going to raise. We want to put in a new berry patch. And.................. now that I am eighty, should I be slowing down or speeding up? Would increasing the size of our flock of sheep be more than I want to deal with?

So winter came, and left all these project, wishes and wants hanging. Perhaps, I need to surrender to what is left of the Winter and enjoy the rest.

Our teachers talk about surrendering to the now. Being in the moment, without thought of the past or future. I think most of us would like to be there. We do achieve that state in meditation. Just before I started writing this blog, I closed my eyes and experienced a period of absolute quiet, a peace with expansiveness. As I write this I can experience it again. Most of us don't seem to be able to maintain that peaceful state for long. Thoughts of the past or future sneak in. Soon a feeling attaches itself to a thought and that attracts all kinds of its friends. 

Our minds are greatly attracted to fear thoughts. In the absence of fear is love. Fear thoughts are cleverly disguised. We might not recognize them as fear, until it has a hold on us. We might, idly, wonder, "How cold  is it going to get tonight?" Our speculation may appear with the fear of pipes freezing etc.

The concept of living in the 'now' is simple. Doing it is another matter. We must become aware of how our minds attract fear thoughts and learn to let them pass without attaching feelings to them. When we first attempt this discipline, most of us try to block out the thoughts or cut them off at the pass. We set up a conflict in our minds as we attempt to fight negative thinking. Eventually, we learn that we can't resist the thoughts. we must let them pass through our minds with a minimum of attention. Just watch them float in and float through. We may observe [if it were in words], "My, that is a negative thought". and just let it go without attaching feelings.

We don't need to think of the past or future. All real planning is in the 'now'. When I plan my garden. I am now. From experience, I have a probable future. I need no thoughts of fear or anxiety about it. It is not here yet. Fear and anxiety is about a reality that doesn't exist. Having fear about the future destroys our present moment and creates what we do not want.

When we are in the moment, we are in love and we are extending love into the future.

If we are to see, we must give up the past. Thoughts of the past, our resentments, regrets, thoughts of betrayals etc., influence our thoughts, that create our future. We may be perpetuating, exactly what we would like to be rid of, by our preoccupation with the past.

I have been very aware of my need to give up the past. I especially note this in relationships where I may hold unto a judgement that colors my perspective. Resentments can be quite subtle, we can find ourselves being annoyed by something somebody did, even, years ago. When we catch ourselves we can remember we have forgiven them and reaffirm our forgiveness.

Forgiveness has to be a constant, always. Eventually, we will see that we cannot be hurt. We are all great beings of light, temporarily in these bodies, to learn. We are all on a different learning path. We jostle and push one another. Get in each others way. We are offensive and defensive. However, we are innocent in our blindness. There in nothing to forgive, we cannot be hurt, and the perpetrators know not what they do.

I wish I could always remember that everybody is at their core unconditional love. Any slings and arrows, thrown at me, come from the pain they are experiencing. Quickly, I must see how I might have contributed to the event and my response be compassion for both of us.

If I {we} can respond with compassion whenever I {we} feel attacked and focus on the pure energy of love that hides behind the ego we will glimpse peace and may even get our toe in paradise.

Love and Peace,  Gregg

ENDURING WINTER

I was thinking of taking a day off from blogging; but, then I thought I would need to explain, why, and if I am going to sit here at the computer, I might as well write about something.

I didn't get enough sleep last night. I didn't get to bed until almost One AM and awoke before Seven. I can get by on a good solid six hours sleep, but I don't think I got quite six hours. { I have been lounging in bed for seven hours lately} When I awoke I was eager to get up because I knew it would be at least twenty degrees below zero F and I wanted to commence thawing out the hot water pipe to the kitchen sink. We are definitely going to correct that problem soon.

It was, in fact, twenty below when I got up, it might have sunk a little further before warming up. It is now 9:45 and only -4F.

We know time is an illusion, but it is so, on different levels. In terms of the calendar, it flies by. It seems like yesterday was Monday and here it is again. I can't believe March is a week away. Yet, Winter is crawling by. It seems endless. How can both phenomena coexist? Of course, we know those illusions of time are commonplace. Do you remember waiting on a cold corner for a bus?

Part of waiting for Winter to be over, is waiting for the final expulsion of the dark from our world. It may be true that the dark forces are on the wane, but they sure are having a tantrum on the way out. The media has yet to give up their focus on all the pain in the world and they are still functioning as handymen for those who are trying to foment war everywhere.

Well, we will get through this, just fine.

I think we have all discovered that reality is our state of mind. We see, what the thoughts we hold in our mind, dictate. We can be gloomy one moment and elated the next. It is hard to realize that it is our choice. When we are feeling bad. We are feeling bad. It doesn't seem like our choice. But when we are willing to look at what we are feeling bad about, it is something that already happened or we fear it might happen. If it is in the now, we can address it now. Folks hang on to negative feelings for many different reasons. Sometimes we are trying to punish someone. Sometimes we think we need punishment. Sometimes we don't feel like we deserve to be happy. We can be feeling bad for quite awhile before it occurs to us, it is not necessary.

We are awakening. We are realizing that we can see the world we want. Its like a giant kaleidoscope. If we let the light shine through the beautiful bits, we see a beautiful world. We don't need to let our eyes wander to those dark fragments.

All over the world, people are awakening, and saying to themselves. "Hey! We could live in paradise. There is nothing stopping us, but some old ideas, and they're old ideas that we didn't originate." " Who says we have to hate this group?" "Who says, this supposed enemy wouldn't be friendly, if we were willing to be friendly first?" "Who has been inventing these enemies?" "Maybe everyone wants to have peace."

People can be confused and alienated, but at our center is love. Some folks may have a heavy curtain drawn to hide from the love that is theirs. They may feel so unworthy that they can't believe they could love anybody, or anybody could love them. Some folks might have to be put in some form of protective custody until they realize who they are. Punishment or violence, in any form, is not a solution.

If all of us, who have learned the power of love, would pour it out on those who appear unlovable we would see change occur. Instead of judging the warmongers [and other peace disturbers] of the world, we could concentrate on drenching them with light. Love them, love them, and love them some more. Those, who cannot see that the solution is love, need all the love we can give them.

We will endure any Winter, metaphorical or otherwise, if we just remember who we are. We are marvelous, loving beings in the process of creating a beautiful world for all.

Love and Peace,  Gregg

LEARNING CENTERS

This Winter is getting old. Since we might have a long way to go yet, I shouldn't be too anxious for Spring. When the temperatures are consistently below zero it gets wearing. We have a hot water line to our kitchen sink that freezes if it gets down to -15 F and it continues to freeze at higher temps once it reaches that state. We lived here for forty years and we corrected the problem several years ago. It didn't freeze for several years and then started to again, three years ago. Someone has to get down in the crawl space underneath the kitchen and see why the problem re-developed. Our house has two additions. The old part of the house, about 110 years old, has a crawl space with a dirt floor. I have been down there several times in the past, but now at eighty, I am a little reluctant to crawl under there. It doesn't cause any real problem as it thaws out readily with a hairdryer, but it is one of those things that make Winter tedious. 

I have been kicking around the idea of a learning center for many years. At first I thought of it as a collection of healers and teachers that would make up an alternative physical/mental health center. Now I see it as more of an unlearning/learning center.

The unlearning function would focus on helping people unlearn all the misconceptions of themselves and our planet from being brought up in a world of darkness {judgement}. Growing up is difficult with all the old world baggage. I have been trying to grow up all my life, and intensively for the last forty years, and I still have enough jerkiness to cause consternation, in at least, one person close to me. We know the answer is learning to love ourselves. That is the sure cure for all kinds of jerkiness. To do that, one must go deep, and shine light on the shadow self, that part of us imbued with negativity, that we have repressed. I am doing it, we are all doing it. But with the right help couldn't we hurry up the process? Wouldn't it be nice, not to have any unloving thought or feeling, about ourselves or others? I know we could learn to have no fear thoughts or judgements. Many of us have come a long way in that area and have developed strategies for growing. I believe folks, who are tuned into their intuition for guidance, could come together and create an environment that would greatly facilitate the relearning that is needed. We are all going to need to love ourselves if we are to see and participate in the  emerging world.

The learning part has to do with learning to relate to the Earth. We need to see the Earth as a being; just like we are beings. We need to love her and interact with her in a way that is beneficial to both of us. We are going to have to learn how to raise our food with this new perspective and sensitivity to Nature. This means food production, medicine, healing and education needs to start over on a new basis. Once, we see ourselves, fully as part of Nature, we will be able to see the healing herbs and experiences that our loving Earth has always extended to us. All ancient knowledge has not been lost and much still exist in Native Cultures.

We are evolving. We already possess the knowledge to visit other planets. Much technology has been hidden from us. We could have had 'free energy' for decades. In the last few hundred years, or so, we used technology to separate ourselves from the Earth. Before that, religion, with a punitive deity, was used to keep us from being one with Nature; we were taught that Nature was dangerous or evil and not to be trusted. Those who were close to Nature were demonized.

This time around, let us embrace technology, but let us not let it take us out of the arms of our Mother. Our Mother Earth comes from Source as we do. We are not separate.

As the old world crumbles, people are going to feel lost and vulnerable, they are going to need a way to see things differently. They are going to need healing. There are many individuals, whom have been shining their light for years and helping who they come across. Some of these folks could come together and create centers to facilitate this process of learning and unlearning.

I do not know the timing of anything. I bring this up for the readers consideration. We need to trust our intuition to know when it is time to form these learning centers. I think the time is close and I think they will be needed.

Love and Peace,  Gregg

OUR BASIC PROBLEM

It is almost 10:30AM and it is still -6.4 degrees F. Yet, it is not as cold as one might think. The Sun is very bright and it is relatively calm. The ice on the chickens water was quite thin, an indication that the warmth is winning over the cold. A month ago, if it was this cold outside, the water in the chicken coop would have had an inch of ice. Perhaps, that is a metaphor for what is happening in the world. The light has overtaken the dark.

Now that I am eighty years old, and can look back at my life, it is clear that any problems I had, sprang from not having enough regard for myself. We come into this world as pure beings of light and become encapsulated in these bodies. We come from unconditional love into a world created by judgement. We learn from our parents, teachers, priests, rabbis, ministers, supervisors, and society in general, that we are limited beings undeserving of unconditional love and incompetent to fully engage in the world. In short, we learn we are unlovable and incompetent.

We know by now that it doesn't make sense to blame our parents or our institutions as they were trapped as we were. Likewise we passed on some of these limitations to our children, we couldn't help it, just as our parents couldn't. Yet, when I look at my family history, I see some improvement in the generations as our eyes were opened a bit. But not enough.

We love each other as we love ourselves. If we loved ourselves sufficiently, there would be no war, no poverty, no one would lack medical care or education.

We are at a point in history where all this can change. Many, many folks are now aware of the problem, and have been working on it individually, and are doing what they can to spread their love to those around them. Many of us sense a great change in the offing and are aware of the love that surrounds us.

Still we struggle with what some folks call a 'shadow self', that is part of us that is influenced by the fear based limitation that we [and society as a whole] has been steeped in. The fear that we are really as unworthy and incompetent, as we were  taught, lies buried in our unconscious. We may no longer accept the limitations intellectually, but we have negative feelings that arise from this suppressed fear.

How can we realize the marvelous, creative, unconditionally loving beings we are? Many of us, who meditate, have experienced states of bliss and know what love feels like. Sometimes we feel like, "Wow, I see everything clearly now. I am not going to have any more problems." Before the day is over, we are squabbling with our spouse or one of our children.

We will gradually eliminate this shadow self. Love will take over. Can we hurry along the process? Again, awareness is key. When we experience any negativity, we can be aware that we are not loving ourselves. When fear or doubt arises we can let ourselves have the feeling, without acting on it, and reassure ourselves it is not real. Only love is real. The world we made from judgement is not real, let it pass.

We are experiencing a tsunami of love and there are many spiritual teachers to help us learn to love ourselves. Here are three that have much to offer. You will have to type the addresses in. I don't know how to put the web sites in, so one can just click on them. It will be worth your trouble.

David James  davidjameslees.com

Teal Swan  askteal.com

Jon Rappaport  jonrappaport.wordpress.com

Teal has a teaching on what one would do, if they loved themselves, which I found helpful.

We need to shuck our artificial selves and be the beings we are, a part of Source, we have work to do.

Love and Peace,  Gregg

EGO PAIN IV THE NEED TO BE RIGHT

Winter has returned on Laughing Water Farm. It is supposed to be cold all week, with below zero temps every night and highs in the single digits F. We will fire up a wood stove and be cozy.

I often sit here and have no idea what I am going to write about. The last couple days I have had a few ideas I wanted to explore. I think this will be my last post about ego pain for awhile; although, it is such a rich subject and I couldn't exhaust it. I would like to get back to the subject that underlies all our problems - our lack of love for ourselves. Of course, who knows, Wednesday when I sit down here, something else might be on my mind.

The need to be right is one of those ego tricks that causes many problems in relationships and creates a block to personal growth. It is complicated by our cultural biases which encourage aggression, competition, assertiveness and outdoing each other in many different ways.

The ego, by its very nature, is full of blind spots. As long as our egos dominate we won't see truth. So the need to be right, not only blinds us to the truth, it causes us to defend untruth vigorously. This is a major problem at both the personal and societal level. Intelligent and assertive individuals often rise to power positions in our government and social structure. To the degree, these folks need to be right, is often the degree they are wrong. Their need to be right creates and maintains blindness.

I grew up in a family that had, the need to be right, as a significant theme. Underlying this ego pain is always the fear that one is unworthy or incompetent. This underlying fear can be very hidden. The individual is only aware of his/her need to be right in every discussion. This need to be right can be very powerful indeed. It is often defended at the 'level of death.'

When one grows up in a family with this theme, they may engage vigorously in the battle to be one of the 'smart ones' or they may disengage and learn to keep their opinions to themselves. Some members may vacillate between both approaches, depending on who they are with. Depending on the power of this theme, real self-esteem is difficult to develop. Those who learned to engage must learn to give up investment in being right and find inner strength. Those who chose not to engage must recognize the game for what it is and likewise look for inner strength.

The fear of being unworthy or incompetent can be at various levels. It can be a vague annoyance that one has to occasionally deal with or it can be so powerful that one would defend themselves to the death. The difference will be in the amount of anxiety we will experience as we learn to give up the program.

How do we get over our need to be right? Well, small steps. What are the arguments about in the family? When and why do we have the urge to contradict? What triggers our need to give our opinion? The beginning of awareness is the first step.

Awareness nurtures more awareness. When we want to learn about ourselves, we will learn. In our day to day conversations, when we see, the need to be right, raise its ugly face, pass up the invitation. We may feel a little anxiety to pass up the chance to be right once again. It will be worth it. We need to remind ourselves we are loved whether we are right or wrong.

We are all worthy and competency is an illusion.

Love and Peace,  Gregg

WHAT IS HAPPINESS?

Everyone who reads this has some description of happiness. I don't know that my understanding is better than yours. However, I have been trying to describe what it is, because I think it is one of the greatest gifts we give to each other.

I think we experience happiness when we have non-interference from our ego. We might be driving the car, no awareness of any particular thought process; we are happy. We may sitting having a cup of coffee in the Morning and staring out the window; we are happy. There is a quiet state that is natural to us. It is not profoundly peaceful, but it is a window into that state.

In the absence of preoccupation of any thought, we are there. If we ask ourselves, "Am I happy?" We invite our ego to answer. Perhaps not always, but often enough to avoid the question.

Yes, happiness is our natural state. We are probably there much of the time. Why is it important? How is it a gift to others? It is a gift to others in the simplest sense because it is non-interfering. Our egos are not interfering with us and therefore we are not controlling others either or inviting others to control.

At another level, when we are happy, we have a window open to the profound. It is a window open to universal consciousness. It is a window open to Source. It is a window open to unconditional love.

We might not be aware of anything when we are happy, yet those around us may feel love pouring from us. Love surrounds us, when windows are open, it will come through.

No matter what our struggle. No matter what our life condition. Even if we are in a wheel chair or bedridden, a state of happiness is possible. When we let go of the disturbance in our mind, we can experience happiness.

I wanted to avoid getting back into the discussion of the ego. It is a dreadful subject. The ego has permeated our consciousness. We are far more controlling of ourselves and others than we generally are aware. Control, of course, comes from fear. The ego, in its fearful state, can only feel safe by believing it has some control. Since the ego is always afraid, it is always attempting to control.

Happiness is our natural state and much more powerful than our egos. What makes our egos seem more powerful is that we have been trained to listen to them. We have been trained to listen for fear and respond. The ego has no power when we are not paying attention to a fear thought or a fear induced emotion.

We have another voice inside. It is called by many different names. It is called intuition. It is called our higher selves. It is called spirit. It is called holy spirit. It doesn't matter what we call it. It is there. It is a quiet voice. It cannot be heard over the clamor of the ego. When we are in that quiet state, we can call happiness, we can cock our mental ear inward, we may hear it. 

It is Friday the thirteenth! It must be time to release ourselves from fear! It must be a day for great celebration! Let us proclaim happiness for all!

Love and Peace,  Gregg