RIGHTEOUSNESS

 

The sky is leaden and the snow that fell Friday still exists in small patches here and there, especially on elevated surfaces such as the woodpile. I hope that beautiful Autumnal weather isn't behind us, but if it is so be it.

I am bereft of ideas to write about. Several things crossed my mind this weekend but I don't remember them now.

I do know that I am sick and tired of the polarization of this world. I talk about the need to give up beliefs. There so much self-righteousness . I suspect that the self-righteousness is inversely correlated with the authenticity of the belief. When one feels they are correct in a belief there is no need for righteousness.

I understand the world is mad and we are all anxious to fix it. However, some of us tend to jump on any band wagon that passes by if it seems attractive and is sponsored by our favorite authority figures we join up. It becomes a religious cause; science, ethics and introspection get left behind.

We see the corruption of the world. We know that almost everything we hear from the main-stream media is tainted. This dieing world is still controlled by power and money. Almost all causes have somebody behind the scenes cashing in.

Let us look at our beliefs; are they ethical, are they loving, what is the result of the belief mean to you, the world, will everybody benefit?

Smugness and righteousness are reflection of ego and when we have those feelings we need to reassess where were at. Love is always ethical, I don't think ego ever is.

We are not going to change the world by championing causes. When we know in our heart what is loving and right we just do it.

When we learn to focus on the love that is around us we will see change. When we can alleviate the torment in our own minds, our anger, our jealousy, our grievances we will begin to see reality instead of the distortion we see through our filter.

It all boils down to, 'we need to clean up our own act'. We need to give up those ego-filters so we can see what is really there. We are love but the love has a hard time shining through our filters; also, it is difficult to see the love shining from our neighbors.

Changing the world begins with each one of us. We have moments of knowing we are love. We have moments of seeing the love shining from others eyes. We can stretch those moments. They can be our reality.

I say again I write these blogs because I am attempting to learn, I am stumbling along my path like everybody else. I am tired of my nuttiness though and I can envision and end to it [well sometimes I can].

We can get off our high horses and our low horses and smile at everyone we meet. We will see love. Oh, it is so wonderful when we feel love. We are love, aren't we.

Love and Peace, Gregg

WORTHINESS

 

I awoke to snow on the ground and it is still snowing. The weather people are predicting 2 to 3 inches today. I am sure it will be gone tomorrow but it is making its mark today.

I wouldn't have had to let the chickens out. Only the most adventurous ones will stick their beaks out. However, the dog needed to go out so I gave them the opportunity. They cocked their heads and looked out the door, none ventured out. That was two hours ago, I haven't seen a sign of a chicken wandering around.

I just stepped outside, the snow is just coming down hard enough to maintain an accumulation of about an inch. The ground is warm and it is above freezing [33.9], the wind is strong and gusty, it howls like a real Winter storm. Nature is just giving us a preview of our probable future a Month from now.

Those Slate Covered Juncos were not that far off!

As I was brushing my teeth this Morning the thought came through my mind, “I wonder if people feel they are getting what they deserve?” Every once in a while we hear that expression, 'we get what we deserve'. Is it possible folks feel they deserve the horror that is the dieing world?

Perhaps not consciously. Consciously we can be outraged at the horrors. But at some level, do we feel we deserve it? Have we been made to feel that unworthy? Knowing we are worthy is loving ourselves. I don't know about all you other folks, but I know my early training did not include the emphasis on my worthiness. In fact, unworthiness was impressed upon me, both as an individual and a member of the human race.

The fear that we are unworthy is passed down from generation to generation by loving parents that can't but help pass down their inner feelings. Religions use and promote the concept of an unworthy humanity so they can keep control. Only they can dispense salvation [worthiness].

I notice folks who are awakening often see, 'we don't deserve this'. We are entitled to better treatment, better government, a better educational system, a better medical system, we can go on and on. On realizing we are worthy, one of our first responses is to get angry. Our anger is part of our waking up but it creates a bump in the road. Part of our anger, is that we ever felt that we didn't deserve to be treated kindly and we can be just pissed off, that anybody would dismiss us and treat us badly.

We need to pass through this anger stage so we can make loving, creative decisions about the world we want. The perpetrators of the horrors are just a little crazier than we are, many of them are so separate they don't really feel love for themselves or anybody else. We will learn to forgive them, for in there lies our peace, we will have to isolate them for our protection. It is all about separation. Separation from each other and separation from our true nature, which is love.

It is very important that we know our worthiness! We create what we expect. We can't expect great and wonderful things if we don't know we are worthy.

We can't appreciate the love that emanates from each other or even feel the love that surrounds us that comes from Source, if we don't feel worthy. A wise person told me many years ago, she said, “First you will recognize that everyone is worthy and then you will see that no one person is competent”.

I am working on the first part. Learning that we are worthy is greatly facilitated by the conviction that everyone else is worthy. I will watch my mind and be alert to any thoughts, about another, that is otherwise. We are One. What we postulate in another rest in ourselves. Unworthiness is a painful illusion let us not wish it on each other.

Yes! We are deserving of Paradise!

Happy Friday everyone!

Love and Peace, Gregg

FINDING GOD

The Sun is shining brightly! It is cool, still in the thirties, there was a little ice on the sheep's water this Morning. The wind has died down after three days, it is quiet. If the forecast is to be believed, it is the calm before the storm, wintry weather is to descend on us tomorrow.

We may have an economic storm coming soon. The Chinese are to start contracting for oil using the Yuan in two months. Folks are referring to it as the Petroyuan inferring that it will supplant the petrodollar. This would be a huge thing for the U.S. and world economy. I will research it and report later,

I was going to continue my theme on loving ourselves. Although, I think it is the single most important thing in the awakening process, I don't know what to say. We are all on a path that leads to our loving ourselves. Everybody has a different path. We can all give insight from our own experience that may help others on a similar path. Some people get a great deal from meditation. Some folks are able to remind themselves frequently that they are love. Others don't mind the trial and error of plowing on ahead and learning as they go. Many people find various forms of therapy very helpful.

Anything that helps us be alert in the moment is useful. Love is in the present. When we pull ourselves out of the past and future and let ourselves sink into the present moment, there is peace. I have discovered this even during experiences of potential pain. Somewhere along the line I have learned to put myself into a very relaxed state when I am having a medical procedure or in a dental chair. I have had professionals comment on it. I can be just 'now' and absolutely peaceful. Then, much of the rest of the time, I am plowing through life like the bull in the china shop.

Some kind of belief system helps. Religions that teach that God is Love and nothing else can be helpful. I was raised Roman Catholic, fortunately my Mother was wise and not doctrinaire. Once when I was tennish I was wondering about the creation myth as we were familiar with evolution. My Mother said, “To God everyday was millions of years.” I didn't have to think about that anymore.

I went to a Catholic elementary school and had other influences. I couldn't swallow the notion that God would punish man for his foolishness on Earth and certainly not in hell for eternity. When the age of masturbation emerged, the Catholic God didn't have a chance. How could anything so delightful be a sin?

From fourteen or so on, God was in the back seat. For many years I thought of myself as an atheist. On seeing it from this point in my life, I don't think I was ever a qualified atheist. An atheist is one who believes there is no God. I didn't believe one way or another. I couldn't see any evidence as proof there was a God. However, I was always a searcher. I read a great deal of philosophy. I read the major religions' theocratic works including the bible cover to cover, both the Douay and the King James. I didn't find God.

It wasn't until I was in my early forties that I found things that I could believe in and then it was experiential not intellectual. In my practice of psychotherapy I occasionally used hypnosis. Out of curiosity, and the full agreement of my clients, I started exploring past life regression. This is a long story, I eventually became convinced that reincarnation was real. These stories could not have arisen from their egos or any unconscious process I could understand. That was the beginning of my search for our spiritual nature. When the door was opened a flood of experiences entered. I met psychics, palmist, fortune tellers, people who had out of the body experiences, etc.

At some point I said to myself, “God if you exist lead me to you” The search in earnest began. I was lead to the “The Course in Miracles” “The Urantia Books” and many many other sources. I eventually concluded [or experienced] that God is Love. And God is just our name for the ultimate source of everything or we could say Oneness. There is nothing else but Source or God.

I don't think there is any immediate end to our search.

I give all this background just so I can say, “ I think it is helpful in loving ourselves, if we have some kind of spiritual conviction.” When we see ourselves as part of a whole and that whole is love, it is easier to see ourselves as love. We know we are surrounded by Love and it is only our perception that has kept us blind to it.

We don't have to search for love it surrounds us. We just need to submerge ourselves in it. It helps us dissolve those stubborn egos. We do love ourselves we need to discover it.

Love and Peace, Gregg

LOVING OURSELVES

It is a beautiful Morning! Sunny and bright, near perfect! Jamie and I took the little truck down the driveway to pick up a load of wood we had piled up. Jamie is stacking some up on our front porch at this moment. We like to have wood stacked on the porch for emergency or when we just want a cozy fire. We have an excellent heating system, a geo-thermal heat pump, when it is -20 F it needs a little help to keep the house at the temperature we want. If we were willing to live with 68 F we probably would never need the boost.

Our marvelous October weather is about to end. Snow is in the forecast for Thursday. It will probably warm again soon after, but it is a reminder we live in Minnesota. Winter is a reality.

The thing that is most essential to our awakening is learning to love ourselves. Personally, I have become aware of how my negative behavior flows from the feeling that I am not lovable. I am a reactor. I might get my feelings hurt because of some miscommunication and not even be aware of the hurt feelings and go right to irritation. There are two problems here, not being aware of my feelings in the moment [actually a fraction of a second] and getting the message that I am not understood, loved, appreciated etc.

When we love ourselves sufficiently and an incoming feeling, comment etc. feels critical, we can pause, assess how we feel and know or 'see' the reason. Perhaps the comment is a reflection of where the other person is at or we may understand that our behavior elicited the comment. Our forgiveness can be automatic. This whole process may take only seconds.

When we don't love ourselves sufficiently, we are on-guard. We may be only slightly on-guard. We may feel accepting and not have any awareness that we are vulnerable, but if the right person says the wrong thing [or right thing] that seems to be an attack, we can leap right into attack mode ourselves.

I have gone for weeks without one of these negative incidences and then an argument will raise its ugly head seeming to be out of the blue.

It is easy to look at the other. It is amazing how good we are at diagnosing other people's hang ups. It will never help. We need to look at ourselves.

The root cause of these problems is some form of fear that we are not lovable or not capable of love. Regardless of the nuances, and they can be interesting to discover, the basic problem is that we don't love ourselves sufficiently. We have not experienced unconditional love enough to erase whatever negative conditioning we have experienced.

Only we can do this. No matter how many people loved us unconditionally we wouldn't believe it. We need to love ourselves. We need to give up our old programming. If we could be dropped in paradise we wouldn't see it. We wouldn't believe it.

Fortunately we are works in progress and we can radiate love and receive love even though we are sometimes 'nuts'.

Wouldn't be nice if we could never have another episode of pain due to our craziness?

Meditation accomplishes a great deal helping folks get to that loving space where they recognize and experience unconditional love.

As I have said before I write this blog for myself. I recognize that a teacher can only teach what they are trying to learn. I want to love myself so I will never react negatively. I can do it. We can do it. I don't want to 'shit in my own nest' much less in paradise.

Let us talk more about this on Wednesday.

Love and Peace, Gregg

AN AMAZING OCTOBER DAY

 

We have had a stretch of the most beautiful October weather; cool, crisp Mornings and warm afternoons, Sunny throughout the day. The colors are spectacular, perhaps one of the best years I have witnessed.

I noted that several people read my substitute blog on Wednesday “Love and Service.” I came across it because I noted that someone had clicked on it. {What people are reading shows up on the blog info} I was surprised someone read a blog from five years ago and was curious what I wrote. I rarely read old blogs myself. I liked it and thought it was worth saying again. In fact I am torn between pursuing that line of thought and just writing a little newsy piece explaining what my commitment was on Wednesday. I am going to go with the happenings on Wednesday. I certainly will be writing more on Wednesday's theme.

I had an appointment with a dermatology outfit in St Cloud. I have had a propensity to get these hanging warts. I think some people call them skin tags. They are not really warts or moles. I had a few removed by a local doctor. There was no fuss, he just snipped them off. He explained they had a their own blood supply and one could not just snip them off without controlling the blood flow. However, one could use dental floss or a similar material and loop it around the base and deprive it of its blood source. They would then dry up and fall off. I tried that a couple times and it worked.

They are usually very small and not noticeable. I haven't had one bother me in many years. However, in the last week or so I had one under my arm that would get irritated occasionally. I probably could have lived with it forever, but I showed it to Jamie. She knew of people that had serious problems with such things getting infected and she urged me to get it removed. Gone are the days when you could go to the local clinic and have a doctor snip it off. It was under my arm and I would need two hands to do the dental floss procedure; so I submitted myself to serious professional scrutiny.

Well, of course, the dermatologist and his assistant admired all of my upper body speckled personage. Besides removing the skin tag, they found several things to freeze with liquid nitrogen. They took a couple biopsies of possible problems. I remarked, “At my age, something else would probably get me first, before any malignancy.” He agreed. We may have that discussion in a couple weeks. I don't think there is much concern.

As far as following up on the “Love and Service” theme. I have already written a great deal about this. Waking up is seeing reality. We tend to reinforce what we see according to our beliefs. The first obstacle to waking up is the idea, that what we believe is true. If we could stop for a minute and realize that most of our beliefs are untested conclusions based on information inculcated from authority figures and we have no idea if their conclusions were valid.

The more in awe we are of the authority figures the more likely we are to accept their conclusions.

This starts with families and early education. Basic ideas on politics, economics, religion, traditions etc. are absorbed readily. Unfortunately, the more we loved and respected our early caregivers, the more unquestioning we are. Many young people start questioning some of these beliefs in late adolescence and young adulthood, [a basic college scenario] they generally don't go far enough. Everybody's comfort level is different. It can be very difficult giving up a cherished belief especially if it came from someone we loved.

We have such a powerful wish to be accepted and belong that we often will reject one set of unfounded beliefs and embrace a new set equally unfounded. We all belong to groups, as I mentioned in Wednesday's blog. It is important we don't fall into group think. It is easy. We want everybody to love us and we want to be accepted.

I will visit this later. I have dishes to wash and the water is getting cold. I will say this, we can test our beliefs for function even when we cannot for accuracy. We can ask ourselves, “Does this belief lead to a loving action?” “Does holding this belief lead to a more sane world?” “Does holding this belief bring love and peace to everyone?” “Does holding this belief lead us to seeing, all as One and all as Love” You get the idea.

HAPPY FRIDAY! CELEBRATE!

Love and Peace, Gregg

A FALL DAY

There was just the slightest amount of ice on the sheep's water, just a webbing. There was frost on the windshield of the truck and the pastures had patches of white. It is another beautiful Fall Morning, the Sun is blazing, it should be warm this afternoon.

I had a strange night's sleep. I went to bed early, for me, just after midnight. The telephone awoke me around one. This is only the second time it has wrung at night in twenty years at least. It was probably originally situated where one could just role over and grab it. However, bed tables get replaced, different lamps adorn them; I couldn't just grab the phone. I want to get it before the answering machine does, I fumble around, I get the light turned on, I answer the phone; someone wants to talk to Jeff. He apologizes, I forgive him, I am relieved it is just a wrong number and not any of the other things that danced in my head.

I am more amused than disturbed, but I am wide awake. It was like I was all full of adrenalin. I thought about getting up, but then what would I do? I tried to meditate. I eventually went to sleep but I kept dreaming about how I had changed time; not time itself, but the recording of time. Something like what we do for day light savings, but much more complex. In the dream there was some consequences, I don't know what. I was happy to wake up and realize it was all a dream. I wish I could remember what the dream was about. It was one of those recurring dreams that seem to last all night.

Late this Spring our ram died mysteriously. He showed no signs of illness. He was alive one day and dead the next. I didn't have much remorse because he was an ornery cuss. He was raised as a bottle lamb so had no fear of humans. All humans were a challenge to him. I knew I couldn't keep him, especially with the grandchildren around. I felt like I was done raising lambs anyway, we had a painful lambing season this last Spring. I have had sheep that need no attention with lambing and I have had those that need mid-wifing and everything in between. This last batch of ewes seem to need help, especially getting the young to start nursing. I can't run back and forth to the barn like I could just a few years ago.

A former neighbor came over to visit Saturday. She looked over to the sheep and said, “Are your ewes pregnant?” Jamie answered, “No our ram died” That evening I was looking at the ewes and I thought, “Boy, some of them are really fat.” I looked closer, at least one was bulging and she appeared to be bagging up. They have a five month gestation period. It is possible. I need to ask around and see if any of my sheep herder friends have had lambs this time of year. If so I will have to re-assess my situation.

I have been toying with the idea of giving up sheep raising. I don't mind growing older but activity level definitely changes for some of us. Not for Jamie yet, she is still a whirlwind. She can run up and down the basement stairs several times a day, for me it is an event not to be repeated frequently. I may write a blog about aging in the near future.

I know, for me, the world is too bizarre to contemplate. I hope the craziness is the boil coming to a head and it will soon be over. There is a lot of draining of this infection that will happen.

In the meantime I can work on myself. There is always more one can address in our goal to be 'loving in every moment.' I know I can be more conscious of self from moment to moment. I know there is more heart opening I can do. The only thing the world needs from me is my love. It doesn't need my evaluation or criticism. The only cure for the world and our situation in the world is love. If we all could wake up in the Morning loving the person next to us and hold that position through the day as the people changed, we would be in paradise. We would cure all our problems. We would feed all the hungry. We would shelter all the homeless. We would heal all the diseased. We would bandage all the wounds, physical, psychological and spiritual. When we love someone, we don't sit by idly if they are suffering, when there is something we can do.

We must do what we can in our immediate surroundings, our families, our neighborhoods, our communities. Remember 'right' action comes from the loving center of our being. 'Right' decisions are made out of love; not fear, not anxiety. In order to help those next to us we need to help ourselves. We need to know our peaceful place. We need to love ourselves. As I have said many times, the greatest gift we can give to the world is our happiness. If we shine our love on the world we will 'see' how to help.

I have a commitment on Wednesday that will keep me away from this computer. It is probable that I won't blog again until Friday.

Love and Peace, Gregg

FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH

It is Friday already! Time flies for this old codger. I have always heard that time flies as you get older, but this is ridiculous. The weeks go by as fast as days used to. According to some, time is speeding up for everyone as part of the changing consciousness. I don't mind it speeding up as I am eager to get through our present era.

Today is Friday the Thirteenth. Am I superstitious? Not at an intellectual level, but I do have reactions at times. I counter them by turning them around. When a black cat crosses my path I think of it as a lucky sign. Whenever I think of black cats crossing my path I think of a trip coming back from Montana. {Late Sixties?}

We were taking a more southerly route than usual and we were going through the high country of Wyoming. It seemed like we were on one giant plateau. It was dusk and we were just exiting a town several miles east of Gillette. It was that time of night that can be enchanting or spooky depending on your mood. Just as I was leaving town a black cat ran across the front of the car. It didn't just run across, it flaunted across, as if to say “look at me.” Superstitious or not, I found it mildly chilling; alone at dusk the wife and children snoring softly as I drove along.

This was in June, during those long twilights, it seemed like dusk could hang on for hours. I wasn't sleepy so I continued driving. We had left the mountains far behind us and we were nearing South Dakota. Then just as it was getting too dark to see the easterly horizon, I saw looming up in front of me what looked like mountains. Mountains!? I had left the mountains hours ago. As I continued and discovered they were indeed mountains, smaller perhaps but mountains, I realized they must be the black hills of South Dakota. It was an entrancing experience. On the route we usually took, when we left the Rockies that was it, no more mountains. Right before we entered these new mountains, I turned on the radio and out of the night came the soothing voice of the overnight DJ from WCCO. I wish I could remember his name. It was a message from home. As I am writing this, I wonder if I drove all the way home from there, I don't think I could have. I don't remember stopping. In those days motels were a luxury.

This particular black cat didn't predict anything negative. He merely added a little enchantment to an enchanting experience. I don't think any of those people woke up. The kids of course were little. I think Donna remained curled up on the front seat snoring softly.

So far this has been a good Friday the Thirteenth. It has been a nice Morning. Doing a little of this and little of that. Talking to Jamie. Doing my crossword. Wondering what I was going to blog about. It must be a lucky day!

Have a Great Friday! Celebrate!

Love and Peace, Gregg

THE JOSTLING OF THE CROWD

It was frosty this Morning. There was a thin coating of ice on the sheep's water. There is a very bright Sun and it is warming up nicely. All in all a superb Morning.

I am just coming out of a bad patch. I know it isn't much compared to what many folks go through. How can we compare each other's hell and should we? I think not. As I said in my last blog my default position is happiness, for some reason I spent several days where I was vulnerable to negative thinking, even [I hate to say it] feeling sorry for myself. Good God! Me feeling sorry for myself! I think I am one of the most fortunate people on the planet. I live in paradise. I have a great home. Enough money. My wife is a marvelous human being and a great cook. I have a wonderful family and magnificent children. Good health; I might be older than dirt but I have no big complaints. I can fill a page, easily, with things I am thankful for.

I was just reading how we each have a different path, but what they have in common to successfully complete them is, we must learn to be loving in every moment. That doesn't mean that we like everything we experience. It does mean we can essentially hang on to a loving attitude throughout. Sure we can't stay detached, it is okay to have feelings. However, whenever the feelings are not loving we can access our well of forgiveness. We can stay detached from negative feelings.

It sounds easy, 'be loving in every moment', hmmmmm. I must not have been doing that. I think it started with feelings rather than thoughts. It is trickier when we have a negative feeling arise; it raises the groundwork to accept the next negative thought that arises, we feel it is justification for the feeling. When we have a negative thought float through our mind, it is fairly easy to dismiss it before a feeling gets attached. We notice them, “hey, why am I having that thought”, we can let it go.

When a feeling creeps up on us, we can let it get a firm hold without realizing it. Sometimes they can be dismissed like we dismiss an unwanted thought, but often they are stubborn, they keep coming back. We can enter into them without authenticating them. That is we can sink into them and explore what they are about, often a memory or person will emerge that needs our forgiveness. By not authenticating them, I mean by keeping in mind they are not real. Our reality is not negativity of any kind.

Regardless of our path, it is leading us to the reality, that we are love and love is the only reality. I am sitting here now in my piece of paradise and I can't understand how anybody could be nudged out of having nothing but loving thoughts. It is so easy, just remember to be 'loving every moment'. However, I know my loving wife could say something, I took exception to, and I could react defensively and so it is.

I think it was Nietzsche who wrote about the acolyte who spent years in an ashram meditating and studying with his guru. After many years he finally achieved nirvana and decided he was ready to rejoin the world. He came into the town on market day and someone jostled him in the crowd and he reacted with anger. We are all like that. It takes practice.

Perhaps it is not as easy as riding a bicycle, it is a similar process, every time we lose our loving attitude, instead of judging ourselves or the other we get back on our love bike. We are learning. We can't help but learn. The reward is so great. To be in a loving mind, nested in a body, looking out on paradise, wow, that is so much better than the alternative.

Sit down. Imagine yourself surrounded by unconditional love. Let your body marinate in it. Imagine that every time you breath in, the unconditional love binds with the oxygen molecules and is carried by your blood stream to every organ and part of your body. Feel your body relax, let peace fill your mind. Know you are love.

Have a Great Wednesday!

Love and Peace, Gregg

HAPPINESS

I just heard my clock chime and realized I forgot to wind it yesterday. It is a moderately large wall clock. Good thing it is an eight day clock. I usually wind it on Sundays. Good thinking on those early inventors parts, I missed winding on Sunday a few times but I don't think it has stopped in twenty years.

It was bright and Sunny earlier now it looks like it may get a little hazy. It is supposed to freeze tonight. I probably should dig up my amaryllis and bring them in. I have houseplants on the porch. I don't think it will get cold enough to freeze on the porch, but it is time to think about bringing them in. Some of them don't like it when it gets cold, it doesn't have to freeze.

For several years now my default position has been Happy. I don't ask myself if I am happy. If I had to ask myself I probably wouldn't be. There can be chaos around me that I may pay momentary attention to, but my default position remains. Except for this last week.

I find moments of peace through rest and meditation. I can sink down to the center of my being and find peace and love, however I can't say my default position has been happiness this last week.

Is the craziness of the world encroaching on me? If one takes it seriously it certainly is scary. I wonder how others are dealing with the craziness?

I am convinced the old world is about to collapse. I think the warmongering has intensified because those in control feel they are losing power. When I go around my community and talk to folks I don't see any support for the world as typified in the main stream media. I see folks waking up and a growing hunger for love, joy and peace and sanity in general. Personally I don't know of anyone who wants to hurt anyone else much less take up arms against them. Perhaps they exist, I don't know them.

Those of us who want to see a new world emerge need to resist the negative energy that flows from the MSM. Things are changing, even the main stream media could not avoid covering all the love and caring that flowed from the people who helped out in the recent tragedies. Yes, I think even in the media love is beginning to eclipse fear. However, I still find myself keeping the mute on most the time and I would be best off keeping the idiot box de-energized.

The world needs all of us to shine our love. We need to pull our minds back out of the craziness. The Sun has just come out and is burning off the haziness. Let the light of the Universe shine away the troubles in our minds. The greatest gift we have to give the world right now is our happiness.

Let us all say it together I AM HAPPY!

And Happy Monday everyone.

Love and Peace, Gregg

PARADISE

Another beautiful day on planet Earth! And I feel it is a beautiful day. I am finally as Sunny on the inside as it is on the outside. I better be careful with my comments because it is clouding up. The Twin Cities are supposed to get rain today, I don't think it is going to rain here. It will be close.

I have to believe that writing those life sketches was a 'good idea'. I hope so. It didn't seem so good to me. It is hard to tell if I was suffering from some pain that I brought up from the past or if it was the pain of the world I was experiencing. The world outside my little cocoon has never been more mad.

I had thought I had put all negative feelings behind me. I believe and still believe that I forgave myself and everyone else. However, I was aware, of a well of sadness, as if I had skipped over the sadness I felt. Perhaps.

If I write any more life sketches they won't be loaded. I have many amusing, light hearted stories.

However, as part of our awakening we need to live in this moment. If past events keep coming back to us it probably means we have more forgiving to do. The past is part of the illusion that we need to give up. Focusing on the past tends to extend the past into the future. We don't want that. Love is here now. NOW! We get out of the illusion by staying in the moment.

What we think of as reality is the illusion we have created individually and collectively with our egos. It is fear based. We are creators. We can have any world we want. We can find the loving being at our center and create from that focus only.

That is what awakening is, it is the realization that the world we see as reality is an illusion and we don't need it. The reality is we are loving beings that can have the world we want. I know I have said that before- I will keep saying it.

We created a mad, mad world from fear thoughts. Let us laugh about it. The joke was on us! Now we can create paradise from our loving thoughts.

I know the hell we can create with our negative thoughts. I should know! I was doing it yesterday. I know I don't need to do it and you don't either. It is no good looking out at the world and waiting for it to change. It won't. We have to change how we see it. We need to start with ourselves. We need to find that place inside, that place of peace where love resides. When all of our life decisions come from that place, we will see a different world opening around us.

We need to clean up our relationship with ourselves. We need to see ourselves as worthy loving beings. We need to rid ourselves of all resentments and grievances. We then will let our love shine.

When we have cleaned up our relationship with ourselves, we can do it with those next to us.

Paradise will blossom!

Hey! It is another Friday. Another day for celebration! Hug the next person you see.

Love and Peace, Gregg

EXPERIENCING THE 'REAL WORLD'

Wow! It is an exceptionally beautiful Morning. Incredibly bright Sun; I let the chickens out earlier than usual for this time of year, because it was so bright. I knew they would be eager to get out. It is cool. I didn't look at the thermometer when I first got up, but it is only 42.6 F. I bet it was down in the thirties at dawn.

I am going to continue with some life sketches today, then I think, I will go back to my usual blogging. Who knows? These life sketches are difficult to write or contemplating writing them is difficult. I am not sure why. I am convinced I have forgiven everyone involved, perhaps I haven't let go of all my feelings. I do wish the past, to be past, and remain past.

The period Spring 1952 to Spring 1954 was a time of relative quiet in my life. It was a period of maturation and growth. I learned how to work. That is work a regular job, do well and get paid for it. My first real job after leaving High School was working in a knitting mill. I oiled knitting machines and repaired them. The machine operators were women on piece work and they required me to be efficient and timely. When a needle broke, and a run started in the cloth roll, it had to be repaired quickly or the operator would lose out on some money. I don't know how it worked exactly, I assume the operator had a pay reduction when the cloth was not usable. Anyway, I did very well and the operators were happy with me.

I was able to save a little money and buy my brother's 1947 Plymouth convertible when he was drafted into the army.

I planned to join the Air Force before the Korean War GI bill ran out in January 1955. I figured I would join sometime in the Summer of 1954, I wanted to go to college and I didn't want there to be any glitches. I quit my job in June of 1954 in order to go on a canoe prior to joining the service.

That Summer was a world changer for me. I even witnessed a complete solar eclipse. However, it was two other events that stand out in my mind. One sounds and was very positive; the other appears to be very negative, but it wasn't, it was very positive also, but certainly not on the surface.

The first event was a canoe trip in the Boundary Waters. We were probably gone only a week, but it was life changing. I went with my Uncle and Aunt and two family friends. I must be missing someone, we had two canoes, I am sure there were six of us. I can't really describe what happened in that one week that was so powerful. I saw my first Bald Eagle [they were endangered then] when we rounded a bend in the river and he/she flew off from the top of a White Pine, it was magnificent. I saw a beaver slap it's tail before diving to escape the canoes invading his territory. I caught a walleye and northern just casting off shore at one of our canoe landings. We had long portages, one was nearly a mile, there were poles braced between trees at rest stops, so one didn't have to put the canoe down. We could put the bow over the pole and rest the stern on the ground. There were only two of us who could handle the canoes. It was a valuable experience to be so indispensable.

My legs got so bitten up by black flies that they swelled up and looked like posts. I didn't mind. I was having the time of my life. I discovered something about myself. Perhaps I discovered I was a man.

I came home from that canoe trip fully energized. There was a carnival playing in town when we got home. I went. I met a friend from school that I hadn't seen since then. We hit it off and so began a Summer of celebration before joining the service. It was a good Summer. I experienced the social life and fun loving companionship that I missed during my academic debacle.

But there was an incident that wasn't so much fun. One Evening a friend came over to the house. He rode his bike, a Harley. We decided to go down to our hang out in N.E. Minneapolis about two miles away. I went in my car and he followed. I was driving down Central Avenue when he pulled up beside me and, but his bike in neutral and revved up the engine. It was loud. A policemen, on foot, walked out in the middle of the street and waved us down. My friend was in front by then and he pulled over first. The policemen told him to get off his bike and then walked over to my car. As he was approaching me my friend jumped on his bike and took off.

What happened next was bizarre. Remember, I had done nothing illegal, immoral or disturbing. I was merely driving down the road when my friend decided to create some cacophony with his motorcycle.

The policemen went to the callbox on a light post [they had them in those days] and called for help. A squad car arrived with three officers. They placed me in the back between two of them and two rode in the front. As we were driving one of them began to harangue me with every insult imaginable. He said if we were not such chickenshits we would race out at the speedway, at some point I heard enough and said “bull shit”. Immediately, the two officers in the back pinned my arms down and the one in the front turned around and started beating on me, saying, “I dare you to swear at a policeman.” It was as if they choreographed it in advance.

When we arrived at the local station he said, “If you don't get that look off your face your going to fall down the stairs before Morning.” I don't know what kind of look I had. My only awareness was some kind of stoicism. Strangely enough I don't remember being afraid. I was taken to the downtown jail in the Morning and placed in the drunk tank.

I think it was the next day I went to court. The arresting officer stated I was racing down Central Avenue in a reckless manner. At least that is what I think he said, nothing he said was true. I made an erroneous calculation. I assumed a person with a perfect driving record and no prior contact with the police, who was a middle class person from the suburbs, would just get a slap on the rest. So I plead guilty. The judge didn't even look up, he said “One hundred dollars or ten days.” That was an important lesson in jurisprudence.

Well, they tossed me back in the drunk tank. My parents were on vacation. I don't know if I would have called them anyway. I figured it was my thing. I had to deal with it. They left me in the drunk tank for three more days, I think they thought someone would come and pay my fine. I don't think it was usual for someone to go to the workhouse for a traffic fine.

I did go to the workhouse for the remainder of the sentence. My parents did come home and my Father came to see me. He thought, we might as well save the hundred dollars, since I only had five more days to serve. Perhaps he thought I needed to learn a lesson. His best friend was a policeman on our local force. He contacted the arresting officer and they filled his head with their version of the truth. So my Father probably thought he had a bad apple on his hands. I never tried to correct their idea of what happened.

I know this seemed like a bad experience, it wasn't. At first I was stoic, then I was a cultural anthropologist on a lark. I was well read so I knew something about life in the 'real world' but this was fascinating. I met a man in the drunk tank who had ulcers on his legs that looked like they went down to the bone. He said they were wine sores. These people were so open and honest and willing to share their life stories. In the workhouse I met many very interesting people; intelligent and articulate people. Men of wisdom. I don't remember focusing on how they got there. Did I ask, I don't remember. I never again doubted the richness of a person's intelligence or humanity because they found themselves, as part of what we think, as the flotsam and jetsam of humanity.

I never would have believed it, when someone said, “I was completely innocent”. We all think, “Well, he must have had something to do with it.” Having something to do with it doesn't mean the person is guilty. I am sure I called the experience to me. I got so much positive out of it. And I was nineteen, after all, a nineteen year old who was discovering himself. I wasn't going to be pushed around.

I never would have known the extent of police brutality if I hadn't experienced it myself. I have often thought, “If they treat a white, middle class kid from the suburbs this way, how will they treat someone from a ghetto?”

There were several social forces that had to do with my experience. There was a sudden fear of young people. Movies such as “The Blackboard Jungle” and “Rebel Without a Cause” came out about that time. Society felt it had to crack down on the youth. It was a period that lasted several years. I would like to bring it up in a different context sometime.

I never knew this experience affected how my extended family saw me, it probably didn't a great deal. Remember the friend on the motorcycle? I never saw him again. I found out after forty plus years, that he went back to the house, and told a family member that we were racing and I don't know what else. Is that how he dealt with his feelings for leaving me in the lurch? I don't know? I would have done the same thing if I could have. The officer must not have gotten his license number as he was never apprehended. It was interesting how I found out he bad mouthed me [if that is what he did]. That is a story for another time.

I think this is the end of my life sketches for now.

Love and Peace, Gregg

HIGH SCHOOL

It is a cool soggy day. We got about ¾ inch of rain last Night and the clouds persist. We got tired of the cold Mornings and finally turned on the furnace Saturday. I am sure there will be many days in October that we won't need it. I love October with its frosty Nights and Sunny days. I think it is my favorite month; except for the promise of Winter.

I am doing my best to ignore the craziness. The only thing we can do is remain as loving and peaceful as possible and not give negative energy to the madness.

I will continue my life sketches with my High School years.

I entered ninth grade when I was thirteen. I think I was the youngest and tallest kid during most of my high school years. This was most obvious in athletics, where a year can make a great difference, I played football my sophomore and junior years. I was never very good. My coordination did not catch up to my body growth until I was out of high school.

As I mentioned I gradually did better in grade school and towards the end I don't remember too much trauma. I think I learned to pay better attention, although that remained a struggle for many more years.

High School was a new opportunity. Public school felt much freer. I no longer felt like a bad person, well at least it wasn't an ongoing conscious process, I had friends and a family that gave me validation; I was able to isolate my school experience. I might be talking nonsense. I am not sure of anything. I must have developed an attitude that 'I didn't care', that 'I was above it all'. I know I must have sent out some kind of message that some teachers didn't like. However, it was obvious that some teachers liked me.

I still tried and I still hoped to do well. I remember a history class. I respected the teacher and I paid attention [for me]. I did well on the weekly quizzes. So well, in fact, that I was certain that I was going to get the first A of my life. We filed up to the teacher's desk and presented our report cards to be marked. I watched with astonishment as she wrote a Red F. I was flabbergasted. It was a huge kick in the gut because my hopes were so high. Shortly after that I learned that I got a zero on all the weekly quizzes because I did them in pencil and she required they be done in pen. I don't know why I didn't know that. I was not a rule breaker. I just stumbled through life not getting the whole picture. It was experiences like this that gradually convinced me just to do my own thing and get by as peacefully as possible. As I said I didn't cause trouble. I was not openly defiant or aggressive. However, I could be a smart ass. When the biology teacher called a spider an insect, I raised my hand and corrected her by telling her it was an arachnid. That was in the beginning of the year and it didn't start me off in a good place.

I developed a habit of getting a book from the library every Morning and reading it throughout the day. I always read the text books first. I usually had those read in a few days of their assignment. I would place the library book on the seat beside me and I could read it when my attention wasn't captured by the class. I usually could finish a novel in one day. I remember one history class [different one] I was reading away and the teacher caught me. This teacher liked me despite my behavior. She held the book up and read the title to the class, “Son of the Smokey Sea” She scolded me mildly and called me 'son of the smokey sea' for the rest of the year. I don't think I tried to read in her class again.

My experience in high school wasn't all bad. I had fairly good social relationships. Although, I never did well grade wise, I did get amazing compliments sometimes. One teacher announced in front of the class that I wrote one of the best short stories she had ever received from a student.

By the time I was half way through High School I knew I had only myself to blame for the problems I experienced. I did overcome some bullying problems by seeing how I invited it. Despite my growing awareness, I didn't put the energy into getting good grades. I quit caring at some point. I no longer thought I was dumb. In fact I realized I was quite intelligent. I couldn't shake the idea that I was some kind of oddball though.

I did get kicked out of classes, sometimes for lack of achievement and sometimes for a behavioral incident. I kept track of my credit accrual, I really wanted to graduate. My senior year I got kicked out of a class for a behavioral incident. I sat in the front row and before class started I had my feet up on the teacher's desk. Unfortunately, he came in before I had the chance to remove them. It is not the kind of thing that would have got someone kicked out of class unless the teacher was already fed up. I think I was sending out some kind of message that 'I didn't give a crap'. That couldn't be further from the truth. I cared very deeply how people saw me. It was some kind of defensive attitude to get ahead of the game.

I went to the bathroom and sobbed. I really wanted to graduate and I screwed up my last chance.

In the last month of the senior year there were special days for the graduating class. I can remember two of them. Dress up day and cap and gown day. On dress up day the senior boys wore suits and the girls wore nice dresses. My mother was sensitive to my predicament and told me it was okay if I stayed home. I knew I had to face the consequences of my behavior so I went to school both days. I think it was less humiliating than if I had not faced the issue. It wasn't too bad; my classmates looked at me funny but nobody said anything. I was proud of myself for having the courage.

The Summer after my senior year I took two accredited correspondence courses, psychology and algebra. However, I did not file them with the school and request a diploma.

There is much more I could say about these high school years and perhaps I will come back to it some time. However, my next life sketch will be my post H.S. years.

I have got dishes to wash and I need to go with Jamie to town and then to the Amish for milk.

Love and Peace, Gregg