IT ALL TURNED OUT OKAY

Ahhhhhhh...... I had a great sleep and it is a beautiful Morning. Cool though; it is almost 52F now but it could have been down to the upper thirties overnight. It felt like it when I went out to let out the chickens, there was that definite crispness one associates with frost.

When I was anticipating writing the blog GRADE SCHOOL I had a lot of resistance. It didn't feel like guidance, so I went ahead. I was crabby both Wednesday and yesterday. I don't know what I stirred up. I felt like I had forgiven all involved; parents, teachers, priests etc. I don't consciously have any regrets or grievances. Obviously, I still had some anger somewhere. Had I not forgiven myself completely? I am not upset about disclosure. I don't mind folks knowing things about me.

I know it is good spiritual/psychological practice to put the past behind us. I often say to myself the “past is past and cannot harm me” or something of that nature when a memory looms up that is disturbing. I, also, know as a psychotherapist that the past really isn't past until it is past. That generally means we have a grasp of what happened and have forgiven all involved including ourselves.

I feel great today, but I may have more work to do. Well, when I was sitting on the other side, contemplating entering the body of that little creature, I may not have fully realized the challenge. Well many of us have lives like that, it is amazing we would take on the things we do. We do grow. We do learn. And we bless the world as we do so. I see all my life challenges as great blessings.

I will write more chapters of my life story. The struggle for success and failure continued through high school {the same public school my parents and aunts and uncles attended}. There were more painful events. I did evolve. I did figure out that I was doing it to myself. I was able to make gradual changes. No A's though. I did develop some kind of chip on my shoulder that caused me some difficulty in school and somewhat in the larger community. I came across Freud's “Introduction to Psychoanalysis” when I was sixteen and I discovered myself on every page. I haven't agreed with all of it since, but I did not throw the baby out with the bath water.

I will write more chapters in the future, but today I want to say, “It all turned out okay.”

The Air Force served as both an academic and behavioral bridge. I avoided getting into any difficulty and did well in school. I was assigned to electronic technician school and consistently received the highest grades in the class in electronic theory. I became a radar repair technician.

I joined the Air Force as my way of getting into college. Upon discharge, I entered the University of Minnesota in 1958. I was 23 years old. I experienced my first academic success. I received all A's my first quarter. Next quarter it was 2 A's and 2 B's. I got married after my freshman year and bought a house when I was a sophomore; so I did more than go to school. I worked in a paint store for $1.50 an hour and received the G.I. Bill. I graduated with a degree in psychology in 1962. I still had dreams of being a psychoanalyst and I hoped to get a PhD in psychology and apply to The Chicago Institute of Psychoanalysis. They accepted PhDs. I didn't want to seek an MD.

I applied at several places where someone with a BA in psychology could get hired. My first priority was to live. I interviewed for a social work position. At the time I had absolutely no idea what a Social Worker was. I just needed a job; bills to pay and a child to feed. I was offered the most plum job in the agency. I didn't know it then- I must have really impressed them. The job was working with families having one or more 'disturbed' children. It was a protected caseload, which meant it could not exceed 12 to 15 cases. I was in heaven. It was a huge opportunity to learn about psychotherapy and although we referred our families to outside therapists, I was encouraged to provide whatever counseling I felt capable of. I had a brilliant and sensitive supervisor.

I soon learned that I could pursue my dreams of becoming a psychotherapist by getting an MSW. I returned to school and received my MSW in 1966. Shortly after graduating, I received a letter from the University of Minnesota School of Social Work offering me a position. I can't express how honored and happy it made me. That was a direction my life could have taken and I think I would have liked it. However, I knew I was a psychotherapist. I returned to the agency I had been with [a large metro county social services agency] and continued as a supervisor of a diverse unit. I started doing psychotherapy on the side; first with my own office and then at a medical clinic.

In 1968 I joined a child guidance clinic as a Family Therapist. During that time I continued having a private practice in my off hours. The agency sponsored an intensive course in Family Therapy. I took the opportunity and was a awarded a certificate in Family Therapy.

In 1970 I went into full time private practice first with some colleagues and then by myself.

From 1971 to 1977 I became a 'shrinks shrink'. At least half my clients were mental health professionals; psychologist, psychiatrist, social workers and chemical dependency specialist.

I went through a lot of growing and personal changes in my life; was divorced and remarried in 1973. Moved to this location in 1975. In 1977 I gave up my office in the city and attempted to live off the land. I became part of the new 'homesteading movement'. I didn't know it at the time. I didn't know there was any such thing as a 'back to the land movement' until I did it myself and then I discovered there were three magazines dedicated to the subject. I had hoped to have a small private practice in my home, that didn't materialize to the extent needed to pay the bills.

After my seven year sabbatical {actually I was seeking employment all along} I finally became reemployed in 1984. I had to start at the very bottom as a Social Worker in a one of the most rural counties. I actually had to sign a paper disavowing my masters degree because the state regulations would not allow them to pay me on such low scale with a masters. I didn't care, this kind lady who hired me, saved me. It was great to be able to participate in society again – the financial part- paying bills etc.

I would have worked there forever even though the pay was low, but opportunity knocked in 1986 and I moved to a larger county. I couldn't take the drive. That first job was 70 miles one way, this higher paying one was 80 miles. With Winter coming I found an agency, only forty miles away that provided 'in-home-therapy'. I was in heaven again. It didn't last, for reasons I do not understand the director of the agency did not want to continue the in-home-therapy unit and began to sabotage the new referral system. I could see the pattern emerging and I bailed out in 1988.

I will talk about this further sometime. The things that seem tragic in life can be great gifts. I felt devastated and lost when I could see that the in-home- therapy job was going nowhere. An angel was guiding. Out of the blue, a supervisor from that metro county, I started out with in 1962, called and asked me if I was interested in a job.

1988 to 2000

Wow! I started out doing in-home-therapy for clients at the intake level, an attempt to deal with problems before they escalated. I did that for awhile; then I became supervisor of a new Children's Mental Health Unit. A few years later I became the Program Manager of the Family and Children Services. I remained in that position until I retired in 2000. I have been greatly blessed and honored in my work life.

Depending on what is happening in the world, I may get back to some life sketches. I needed folks to know that it turned out 'okay'.

Have a great Friday! Remember Celebrate!

Love and Peace, Gregg

GRADE SCHOOL

My Father was nineteen and my Mother was seventeen when they got married. I was their second child. We called them by their first names. I don't know if that was a testament to their unreadiness to be parents or if it was because my Mother was the oldest of nine children and the young aunts and uncles were always around using their first names. Their home was only two blocks from ours. We called our Mother, Mom or Mama at times, but other times, Rosie and my Father was always Doc.

Nothing glares out at me about my pre-school childhood. Our Mother loved us and we spent a lot of time together. I was a much loved child in the extended family. There was always some kind of get together at my Grandparents, holidays and birthday parties for the eight surviving siblings. These get togethers were attended by other relatives, especially two Great Aunts. I was often the child that went from lap to lap. I remember my Great Aunts exotic perfume and their great cleavages in which they could pull out hankies or even coin purses. I remember feeling the shaven whiskers of the men. There was no doubt that I was loved and valued.

The trouble started with school. Apparently I could read before I attended school. At least, I was teaching myself. I remember being quite a pest as I was trying to decipher the funnies, when I came across a word I didn't know I would get the nearest adult to tell me what it was. Because I was thought to be precocious and I was large for my age they decided to place me in first grade and skip kindergarten.

Well I say they, but I am sure my Father didn't fully support it. My Mother's family were Catholic and my Father was perhaps agnostic [I never knew]. My Father's beliefs were impenetrable. A new Catholic school had opened up and they didn't have a kindergarten. My older brother and my Aunts and Uncles [my Mother's siblings- they were more like our siblings] went to public school for kindergarten.

So they sent me eight blocks to Catholic school when I could have gone a block and a half to the public school. There an ordeal began that took my about twenty years to overcome. Or maybe I haven't. If I really overcame it, would I be writing this?

I didn't have the foggiest notion what was going on. I don't remember being rebellious or resistant. I didn't know why I was there. I don't remember much about the first couple years. I remember wetting my pants because every time I raised my hand to go to the bathroom the teacher shook her head. I remember once it was worse than wetting and my brother was sent for to help clean me up. He must have loved that.

Eventually I just felt bad. I couldn't do anything right. The times I thought I would be successful, I failed. I got mostly Fs.

The fact that I would read the text books cover to cover as soon as they were assigned must have escaped everyones notice. When a test came I couldn't remember all those dates and stuff, I had read that history book a month ago, I was on to something else. Mostly, I think I just dreamed and drew pictures. I loved to draw pictures of sailboats.

Every time I thought there might be a little success, the world would crash down on me. I remember one time, the teacher had us all read a passage out loud to determine what reading group we were to be assigned to, I believe there were three; the robins, the blue birds, and the cardinals. I was assigned the robins, the highest group. After the reading the teacher went around asking each student what group they were assigned to, as usual I wasn't paying attention when my name was called; I hesitated and a girl piped up, “He is a cardinal of course”. I was struck dumb – that was the lowest group. So I spent the rest of the school year with kids that were struggling to read.

Many times I got straight Fs. The priest would come in the classroom and we would go up to the front of the classroom to get our report cards from him; he would read my grade and pinch my cheek, when it came to my grade in religion, he pinched my cheek really hard.

Yet, they promoted me, why? They would pass me on condition. On what condition? Nothing ever changed. How could they pass a student who got straight Fs on his report card?

Well parochial schools had to use state board exams at the end of every year. I remember them, a sheet was returned to us giving us our scores. The sheet would have our actual grade placement and our grade placement on the test. I consistently scored way above my grade placement. I would be in grade four or five and score as a tenth grader. Did this tell me I was really not dumb? No it didn't I am not sure how I rationalized it. I think I thought that catholic school was way ahead of public school. That may have fit with the propaganda.

What did the school officials think? Didn't anyone see my anguish? As a good Catholic boy, I prayed to God that I was really dumb because I couldn't stand the pain of being bad.

To this day, I don't know how I appeared to the teachers. I know I must have really irritated them. Most of the time I just was not there. Paying attention was not my long suit [to put it moderately].

I did make progress through grade school and I think I even got a C once or twice. A 'C' to me would be like getting an A+. I certainly made social progress. The other students liked me and I developed many lasting friendships. One time one of the other students said, “ You know your the smartest of all the dumb kids”. It was his clumsy way of complimenting me and I appreciated it.

By eighth grade I was actually passing, not doing well, but indistinguishable from a student with moderate learning problems. I am just guessing. I don't know. I obviously did not have a learning problem. One of those Great Aunts, I mentioned, was the city librarian. I took out a raft of books every week and read them. She would mention to people that she tried to steer me to kid's books but I wouldn't read anything but thick books.

Why didn't anybody in school take me aside and ask me what the problem was? I don't know. What did my family think. My Mother's family were all straight A students. My Mother graduated at fifteen as the Salutatorian and her sister graduated at fourteen as the Valedictorian. My Grandfather was on the school board and the High School principal told him my Mother had the highest IQ in the history of the school. Another Aunt wrote the school anthem that may be still used.

They must have felt that I was quite an oddball. My parents were overwhelmed with life. They got married young during the depression and had five kids. I think my troubles were one too many. Then I didn't advertise them either. By the time I was in high school, I was signing my own report card.

Somewhere along the line I figured out I wasn't dumb, but I still couldn't figure out the secret to academic success. I did make slow progress. I was aware I had developed self-defeating behaviors.

I will address my high school years Friday or next week depending on what else is going on in the world.

Love and Peace, Gregg

LIFE SKETCHES

 

Do I owe an explanation for not having a blog and it is already 2:35 PM? Well I have one if anybody is interested. Naomi, Greg, Adam and Elijah were over for the weekend. It was Adam's fourteenth birthday Friday. We had a great time.

In one of our discussions it was suggested that I write an auto-biography or at least more auto-biographic sketches. I could either write them as part of my blog or a separate writing. I protested and thought it was self-serving and was countered by the argument that many of my stories would be useful to others.

I thought about it last night before bed and even after I was in bed. I had to make an effort not to think about it. From a spiritual/psychological point of view, I think we need to put everything in the past in the past; I attempt to do so. However, it was obvious from the emotions that I experienced, while thinking over some things, I still had grieving. As far as I know, I have forgiven everybody and myself. I don't have any regrets but I still have some sadness for the small boy who was later to become myself.

Last night I decided I would write something pertaining to my childhood and then this Morning I didn't want to. I couldn't tell whether it was intuition telling me not to or if it was something else. I have decided it wasn't intuition.

I don't know how I am going to do it yet. Perhaps, every other blog will be an auto-biographic sketch.

I will begin from the beginning on Wednesday.

Love and Peace, Gregg

GETTING TOGETHER

It was pouring rain much of this Morning, now it it threatening to clear up. I don't think we need the rain, but I always welcome it. It is good to have the ground well charged with moisture before going into Winter. Yes the Autumnal Equinox begins at 3:02 PM. Fall is brief here and Winter can begin anytime after October wears down.

However, on the other hand, Winter can delay its onset until the middle of December; what will it be this year? The temperature is supposed to approach 90 F, hardly Fall like weather. I know my grass isn't behaving like it thinks Autumn is here. I like to put away the lawn mower about now. It doesn't look like I am going to.

How do we prepare for the future? Should we even try? I can't know if I will need to mow the lawn again, much less the larger issues. What would it be like to be a Puerto Rican? They might not have electric power for months [that is what I heard this Morning- it is hard for me to believe it would be months]. We know we live in chaotic times. We know monumental changes can happen in an instant. If it is not hurricanes or earthquakes, it can be the collapse of our financial system; which is on life support.

What should we do? Should we go on pretending it can't happen to us? That can work. It could be a shock if it doesn't work. We can't prepare for a future we know nothing about. We can live in the present fully and be able to deal with probable futures, though. We can put energy into creating community, whether it be neighborhoods, small towns, villages etc. We can get to know our neighbors. If we live fully in the present, that means appreciating everything in our environment, knowing the people; we will see what each of us has to contribute.

We have become very separate as people. Disaster does bring people together. Let us not wait. We don't know what decisions we will need to make, in a disaster, but we will make better ones if we are together.

It does no good to worry about what might beset us. If anything, it would be counterproductive. But how about focusing on community; instead of rotting our brains watching the idiot box. Why don't we get together a dance? How about some music? Every community has folks eager to play. We have all these churches and schools with space going to waste; let us fill them up with love and joy. I would love to spend a few Evenings a week rubbing elbows with my neighbors. We can listen to music and somebody might even get me to dance. The better we are able to heal our separateness, the better we will be prepared for whatever life has to offer.

Let us do something today to heal our separateness. The organizers among us, you know who you are, get on the phone, maybe we can get a community party going, a dance, a play.

When we get together, we know we love each other. We will be able to deal with anything.

I will bring this subject up again.

Have a great Friday.

Love and Peace, Gregg

ACTING OUT OF LOVE

 

The internet was down this Morning. We had a weird storm in the middle of the night. I think it was around two; the sky was lit up almost continuously, but very little thunder. One could tell by the sound, that the rain was sometimes mixed with hail, as there would be a drumbeat of ice crystals against the roof. There was only one big clap of thunder and it wasn't really a clap, it was more like a great roar and ripping sound, like our roof being torn off. The storm didn't last long; perhaps, one half hour. It was an atypical storm, the temperature never went down more than a couple degrees. It was almost as warm this Morning, as it was, when I went to bed. We got ¾ of an inch of rain.

It was cloudy the first couple of hours this Morning but now it is sunny and bright. I didn't know if I was going to blog today since the internet went down. I can't use that as an excuse for not knowing what to write, as it is very rare that I have any idea about what I want to write.

This blog has gone very far astray from its original intention. When I began I wanted to create a forum for 'back-to-the landers' or 'modern homesteaders'; those folks trying to live off the land, or at least as close to Nature and the land, as their circumstances would permit. Jamie and I lived for seven years without electricity or running water, an outhouse outback, heated and cooked with wood, we lived off our little farm of twenty acres and had a comfortable, even elegant, life style. We had a constant stream of visitors who liked to share our experience. I felt we had something to offer others, in how to live off the grid; how to cook on a wood stove, canning, preserving food, salting and curing meat, how to keep food cool in Summer. All kinds of things that are slipping away from me now. That [kind of blog] didn't happen.

Of course my greatest interest is our search for who we are. What are we doing here on this planet? What are we, any way? Who are we? I took my own journey through psychological and spiritual evolution and witnessed many others in my role as a psychotherapist. I am still in the process, sometimes the goal is as close as my next breath and sometimes it seems far away. What is the goal? I see it as being always conscious of our Oneness; of making every decision with love. Knowing we are love and cannot be hurt by attack. Seeing clearly that anyone's attack is a cry for love.

We live in a world of positive and negative polarities. The positive is love and is real, in that it is eternal. The negative is unreal as it is connected to the illusion we have created out of fear.

We can learn that fear is unreal and ignore it. Fear is a creation of our separation and was part of our living in fragile bodies. However, the need to be concerned and on the lookout for danger, to our fragile bodies is immediate and direct, we can deal with it. In fact fear is not even a good word for it, it is merely protection, like throwing another log on the fire on a cold night.

Somehow, in our evolution, fear took up that space, that is created by, the absence of love. When we know love, we know consciously or unconsciously, that we are connected to all others and part of source. We are safe. When we feel our separateness, we can imagine danger.

To make a very long story short, those who wanted power over others, soon learned, the best way to do this was to accentuate their separateness, promote their fear, and give them a promise of protection, which can be very vague.

I didn't mean to get in to that- volumes could be written. I do want to emphasize that fear is unreal and a product of our separation that can be healed. Healing the world is the task of healing ourselves. As we seek, awareness ourselves, we give healing energy to the world.

Look at it this way; when we are centered and connected with our eternal selves, we only make decisions from love. When we are acting from our fear driven egos, no matter how well intentioned we may be, our actions will be tainted with fear.

We need to focus on our being, not on our doing. When we are in a good place our actions are healthy. When we are anxious or afraid- not so much.

One of my problems has been reacting to others out of some twinge of my ego. I have been learning to pause [this may not be a perceptible pause] connect, that I am love, before saying anything. When we can see through the twinger's facade and recognize they are love too, it is easier. With time this will become automatic.

Doing is great, however, it needs to come out of our love center. We will build a new world that way.

The balance has tipped and there are more people seeking Oneness and love than separateness. But the old way doesn't give up easy, hence we have leaders who are still wedded to using fear for power and control. I know it is scary, but let us not give in to fear. They only have the power we give them by joining them in fear. We don't have to cooperate with their craziness. We do have to assure that our own actions come from our being; our being of love. Any action taken out of fear gives them more power.

Let us get our feet firmly set in the ground, our minds at peace, our awareness centered on the loving vastness of Source and then we will see the appropriate action to take.

Love and Peace, Gregg

TODAY

Our high temperatures went from the 80s F to the 50s rather suddenly. Our normal high for today is 71 and the normal minimum is 51, according to my weather calendar. We have had a pattern this year, where we will have a few days 10 degrees above normal, then a switch to 10 degrees below normal. Perhaps that is normal for this area, as I remember commenting on it before. Averages are averages. It is supposed to be in the eighties again before the week is out.

We don't have home delivery of the newspaper in our area, no newspapers. No Minneapolis paper, no St Paul paper. We can get them in the mail a day late, I have thought about that; but instead, I drive to town, rain, shine, blizzard, whatever, so I can pick up the current Minneapolis paper. I like reading the funnies and doing the crossword puzzle. I, also, like reading the bridge column. I played bridge every day, at lunch time, when I worked in Anoka. It has been 17 years since I played bridge. We had our own bidding system called the Anoka convention. It was kind of an outcrop of the old Goren and Culbertson systems. I don't recognize much of the bidding illustrated in the newspaper column.

I glance through the rest of the paper and read much of it. I like getting my news this way, rather than have it blared at me from the TV. I can ignore the propaganda pieces easier. I have to mute the sound on the TV and still I have to watch the tanks and goose stepping soldiers every time they mention North Korea. It is obvious, who the Empire is trying to demonize, because they drag out the same old film strips designed to strike terror in our hearts. They are not very subtle, some of the film strips are over ten years old, and some may have been produced in Hollywood. That is especially true, of propaganda stories of those countries and groups, of the Middle East.

Oh well I shouldn't be paying attention to the news anyway. It is so nice to go to town and have good solid conversations with folks that one meets. One wouldn't know, that a faction of government, is doing everything in its power, to convince folks we have enemies and we need to go to war. The war mongering is amazing. But when I visit town I hear none of that. I don't think we are paying attention to the war mongering folks. I see folks, of all religions and shades, shopping together, laughing together, smiling and full of life. I come home and look on the internet and see invitation after invitation to judge some individuals and groups.

I want to avoid divisiveness. I don't want to judge the judgers. As our society declines the crazies float to the top. This current administration has encouraged the emergence of the crazies. Reacting to them only validates their existence. They are only harmful if we make them harmful. There are forces that are into promoting divisiveness. They use fearfulness and divisiveness for ultimate control. Let us not fall into their trap by being outraged at every spectacle created by the crazies. We want peace, we need to find peace in our being and extend it. We will change the world through peace and Love.

The sane folks outnumber the crazies by a huge margin. The vast majority only want to love and be loved. I can see that wherever I go.

So let us smile at whomever we see and hug the ones we know. The world is a much better place than the media pictures. I can feel the love growing in the world. LOOK- it is there- every where.

Happy Monday!

Love and Peace, Gregg

SOMETHING TO CHEW ON

Looks like another beautiful day on Planet Earth. I got most of the lawn mowed yesterday and I feel good about that. I will get my little world in order.

I was reading something yesterday, I can't remember what, when I was suddenly filled with sadness for the world. I felt so sad I cried. I think I was reading something about another piece of corruption surfacing and this time it involved someone I respected.

I don't think I repress sadness, yet the depth of my feeling would indicate I may have; that is the feeling I have for the world, I am not angry but I am sad. I felt better realizing my sadness and I wondered if this hidden sadness didn't contribute to my recent gloom.

No matter how convinced we are of the awakening and no matter how much we are able to see the love that is growing, we also see the dying old world. It is there, and unless we completely shield ourselves from the media, we are reminded of it frequently.

Yesterday, Jamie told me she was seeing something very clearly. She realized, that our competitive culture and our focus on our supposed deficiencies, keeps us from realizing our most deepest desire – to be loved and be loving. Because of our upbringing and the systems we were immersed in, we often feel an emptiness, a hole inside; we assume that we need to achieve, to win, to get ahead to fill this hole. All that we can accomplish is to distract ourselves from the emptiness. The more we try, to be better than our fellow beings, the lonelier we get.

She expressed it in a very eloquent way and it struck me that it fit with the sadness I had been feeling for the world.

I would presume we are born loving beings. All that we need to do is be around babies, to know they encapsulate love, and they bring out love in us; they melt our hearts. However, the world of the big people, is an alien world, full of judgements, dos and don'ts. Love can be sporadic. Big people can be complicated, they can be filled with emotions that separate and confuse, as babies become little people they may decide, 'maybe I am not so lovable after all'.

We develop doubts about ourselves, holes that need filling. Then what does the world tell us? We need to be better, we need to achieve? Better than what? Better than who? We have forgotten, that what we want, is to love and feel loved. How can we feel love by being better than someone else? How can we feel love from those we are trying to separate from?

Oh yes, achievement and competition, can give a temporary fix and it can become quite addictive. It is poor substitute for realizing we are lovable. Like any addictive substance it wears off. Many people spend their whole life trying to feel love through competition and attainment; they are lonely.

This is a very painful and sad thing we have done in the old world!

Is there a way we can turn it around? When a baby comes into the world, they are love. Can we learn from them, rather than put out the spark? We have much to teach them; but do they have something more important to teach us? They haven't learned judgement yet. They haven't learned higher and lower. Everyone is still equal in their eyes.

Why do we have to struggle to relearn, what we must have known at birth? As we awaken, we might just take a look at this, and wonder what we can do differently.

Something to chew on.

Have a great Friday! Celebrate!

Love and Peace, Gregg

GETTING OUR LITTLE WORLDS IN ORDER

 

I have been sitting here for awhile. Closing my eyes to get inspiration, nodding off to sleep instead. It is a nice Sunny day. I need to let the light flood my being.

Maybe I am having a little trouble taking my own advice. I know it is possible to keep the vibrations of the larger world from affecting our consciousness. I do it all the time. Yet sometimes the world seems to crash down our barriers. Although, that is not exactly right. As the whole point of awakening is opening not closing. I don't sense I have barriers. The darkness of the world is just there, for now. It is our minds that stray into a place that invites the darkness in; perhaps a stray thought overly dwelt on, or mood indulged rather than sent on its way.

In any case. I am going to choose happiness. I think I let in a little gloominess by assessing all the things that should be done before cold weather. Yesterday and this Morning I was musing on how the chicken coop needs cleaning and the big barn could use it too. I could get by laying more clean bedding down in the barn, but the ceiling is getting lower and lower. I think it would be a mistake to let the chicken coop go through the Winter. The chicken coop doesn't smell. It is good and dry and there has been much accumulated bedding. But it is time.

My lawn needs mowing. That is no big deal and I enjoy doing it. It just takes time and the right weather. It should be good mowing this afternoon and tomorrow.

I was sitting in my chair this Morning doing the crossword puzzle. It was peaceful. My body could have been 20 years old, 30 years old, certainly youthful; I got up to let the chickens out, oh my, I felt every one of my 82+ years. It always surprises me that I am an old codger. I only feel that way when I move around, sometimes. Other times I still move fluidly through the universe. I really don't mind growing old, everybody does it if they live long enough. However, I would like to grow up before I get too much older.

You know, grown up. Not given to reaction. Not given to defensiveness. Not susceptible to attack. Knowing we are adequate. Knowing we are lovable. Knowing we are one with Source and all other beings. Devoid of judgement. Automatically, offering compassion to others in pain. That kind of grown up. Well I am getting there and I know all others are too. It will be wonderful to walk out into the light a free being.

So not letting the big world impinge upon us depends, at least in part, on keeping our own little world in order. I need to get that lawn mowed and that chicken coop ready for Winter. And I am a work in progress.

When I feel heaviness in myself, I can feel relief by remembering to be grateful. Just writing those words elevates me. I have so much to be grateful for it is amazing. I live in paradise, in a fabulous house. I have an amazingly creative, marvelous, loving wife. I have amazing children and grandchildren. I don't know that a person could be more blessed. I may grouse about getting old, but how many 82 year olds can contemplate cleaning the barns?

Well, I guess I better start getting my little world in order.

Love and Peace, Gregg

BEING

I have a hard time getting started lately. I don't know what to write about. The world is way too crazy. It is hard to believe it can continue. I am reminded of the advice, “Don't try to change the world; change how you see the world.” That is a quote, or at least a paraphrase, from A Course in Miracles, but I believe it is a common spiritual teaching. If we focus on being rather than doing; being love, being oneness, we will perceive differently. We spend so much of the time focusing on how we see ourselves in relationship to how the world sees us, we don't see ourselves. The little ego assesses its value through the group ego- it is a lose lose situation. The ego knows not about love; however, it can masquerade as love, and does.

We can focus our attention on being. We can discover who we are. We know we are not bodies. We are not the limited personalities as defined by our egos. I know I have only begun the journey. It seems to me I am here to discover the truth of myself. I believe the truth of myself is love and my true identity is Oneness with all. When I find that peaceful place, I see the world differently. I see a glorious Nature, exuberant with love. I see plenty and love spilling over.

I can switch my attention to the struggles of humankind; I see individuals and society struggling with the concepts of love and fear. There are great struggles going on as individuals and groups try to make the right choices. Are we going to choose love, and all it brings, or are we going to choose fear?

If we look from a perspective of disengagement, which happens when we pursue being, we have no doubt about the outcome. We know we are love, we know we are One, and all other beings are love. Anything else is a pretense. Making choices from our being means we always choose love. That is all there is.

When we look at the world we see all kinds of folks who believe they are something else. They have let fear grip their heart, and they see evil in others, and are afraid it exist in themselves. They are simply mistaken. Their positions are very painful; they can't maintain them. The evidence of love is all around them. No matter how they squint their eyes, light will enter.

The pain of the world is coming to the surface and the anguish of the undecided is evident. We don't have to be concerned, all we need to do is open our hearts and have compassion for those in pain. All will choose love.

Every time a person discovers they love themselves, they send a fountain of love on to the world. I mean discover that they really are love. There are people who give the outward appearance of loving themselves, but they are really just attached to the image they have created of themselves [ego masquerading as love].

We love the world and have deep compassion for the pain and the struggles, but we know it is only illusion and the only 'real' reality is love [our being]. We best help, with the love, that flows from us. There may be actions to take and we will be able to 'see' what is a right action.

So my advice to myself, and to the rest of the world, is don't get all riled up about the craziness. Lets not get our shorts in a bunch. We can't help when we are unsettled, we cannot 'see' the correct action. Pursue being. Seek the peace and love that is ever present in our being because that is who you are.

We will see, the World is love after all.

Happy Monday!

Love and Peace, Gregg

A CHAIR

 

It is a gorgeous day, cool, only 59 F at 11:40; but wonderful Sunshine. Yes, another late start. I had a dentist appointment this Morning, and we had to put together my new office chair, and in there lies a story.

My old chair [it was only 3 or 4 years old] developed a lean to the right, that sometimes could be corrected by swiveling the base around. It got worse and worse and it allowed me to lean back way to far. I didn't mind it too much, I learned to adapt to it, and it was generally comfortable, after swiveling the base in exactly the right spot.

Jamie was worried that I would tip over. I did once trying to reach into the bottom of a waste basket retrieving a receipt. We decided to order new chair. The new chair was delivered Wednesday but we were involved with other things, so it sat on the porch in its box. Yesterday, evening we brought in the chair from the porch; it came in several pieces. We decided we would put it together this afternoon, when I was finished with my blog.

I usually spend the last hour of my evening [11:30 PM – 12:30 AM] at my desk. I peruse the internet a little, read Heavenletters {an inspirational message} and play solitaire. Last night as I was playing solitaire, my chair started leaning back, it kept leaning back, I tried to grab the edge of the desk to slow the motion, no such luck it dumped me on the floor. It made some noise, but not enough to wake Jamie, sound asleep upstairs. After a period of laying on my back, with my legs up in the air, resting on what used to be the seat of the chair, I devised a strategy for getting up. On inspection, I noted the castor had broken off one of the splayed legs.

The first chance I had, I said to Jamie, “Are you one of those people who think inanimate objects have no feelings? That chair dumped me on the floor because it was insulted that we bought a new chair.” Jamie responded, “I rather think, I am psychic, and I knew it was ready to break.” Well perhaps, although sometimes I think, things we use all the time, are affected by our thoughts and opinions of them. I am careful of what I say to my car. Of course, we both could be right.

I have to get used to this new chair. The adjustments don't work the same as the old chair, and as the old chair leaned back to freely, this one doesn't lean back at all. I'll figure it out.

Except to say, that all is well on Laughing Water Farm, I don't have much to write about. It is getting late I haven't had a bite to eat and I need to do the dishes.

Have a great Friday! Celebrate!

Love and Peace, Gregg

GOING WITH THE FLOW

There is an Autumnal feel. It is chilly out. It was 64 F in the house this Morning. The outside temp was in the forties. I am being warmed by a little electric heater as I write this.

I apologize for not communicating that there would be no blog Monday. On Sunday we had a medical emergency in the family. It appears everything will be okay and I won't go into it in this writing. It has been capturing my attention.

Every time life brings us something unexpected we learn. Sometimes it throws us off. Sometimes we can go with the flow and it creates only minor disturbance.

Life seems to have a life of its own. We usually go along, life comes to us one day at a time. It is largely predictable and we can see our participation in its creation. We can accept, the good and not so good, as what we are calling for. Then sometimes, something comes out of the blue, something, we think, is on-called for.

We might struggle with it. Resist it. Fight it. Question it. It might seem impossible to accept, but accept we will.

Wouldn't it be nice, if we could always know what could be resisted and what needs to be accepted? I think we do know. We just don't want to.

A happening is a happening. When life brings us something, we don't think we want; we do know what is resistible and what isn't, but we may not want to believe what we know. And if our first response is to throw up our barriers, we won't really find out until our struggle abates.

Part of giving up judgement is giving up judgement of life. There is wisdom in an accepting attitude as life comes to us. With acceptance we can see clearly, what can and should be resisted or changed, and what needs to be endured. Our willingness to be accepting makes all situations easier to deal with.

The great sages of our world postulate, that nothing is an accident and everything that happens, is for our learning. With every experience our consciousness expands. With every experience we have an opportunity to love where we might not have before.

I am learning what “Going with the flow” means.

Love and Peace, Gregg

BE JOYFUL

It is a pleasant day, mostly Sunny, cool though for Sept 1st, we had one day of Summer, now back to early Fall. The forecast is for more hot weather but............. it feels like we are sinking into Autumn.

Have you noticed, how much wetter dew is, than rain? I went out this Morning and my shoes got drenched. Every August I comment on this to whomever will listen. It seems so surprising. The grass is much wetter after a heavy dew than after an inch of rain. I know it is simple physics, the rain comes down with the force of gravity and it tends to continue down the blades of grass to the ground; whereas, the dew condenses on the grass blades, very little of it finds its way to the ground. Maybe, I am like a child that likes the mystery more than the explanation.

I hear people comment on how sad the world is; there seems to be pain and tragedy all around. We wish we could help. It weighs us down. Yet we know we cannot help by getting into the pits of gloom ourselves. Compassion is loving understanding of one's pain, it is not joining them in their pain. We need to be with those who suffer, whether it is in person or spirit. Help when we can and love always. We can be there for the person in pain without being in pain ourselves. I know you know this, but I need to remind myself.

There is so much pain in the world, but we are no use to those in pain, if we are in pain ourselves. We need to find our joy so we can project love upon the world. The media loves to rub our noses in the pain and tragedy; but have you noticed the love and caring that is constantly present? The stories of love and compassion and people working together are inspiring.

Carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders does not help the world; being joyful will. Everything is helping to bring more awareness and light to the world. It would be nice, if the awakening could proceed, without shocks to our system. It doesn't always look like it, but everything that happens, is helping us awaken.

We have been in a deep sleep; characterized by worship of money, prestige, authority, competition, violence, and all the other symptoms, of profound separation from each other and the universe. Giving up the illusion of separation is not easy. However, we are doing it. There are bumps along the way.

We need to give up, our ideas, of hierarchies among human beings. We need to give up our worship of authority. We, especially, need to give up our worship of power and money. We have many, many beliefs based on separation that are just not true. I often say, “We need to give up all belief.” That is because we have been raised in a very corrupt world that has lied to us, and manipulated us with falsehoods, from the minute we were born. How can we sort out the truth from the fiction?

We can start at the baseline, there is only love. Then postulate that truth most be love. What will happen if we hold only the beliefs that are loving? What if all our decisions, hence our actions, came from love? Is that so hard to imagine?

The media is going to focus on what brings them the greatest audience, therefore profit, unfortunately in what seems, the prevailing public consciousness, that is horror of any kind. However, that only seems to be the prevailing consciousness, as those into power and money still control it. However, try as they may, they are not able to keep the love and caring from shining through.

I think the prevailing consciousness is now tilted towards love and not just a little tilted. How many complaints have we heard from friends and family that the media is too negative?

Yes, the world seems heavy, it can drag us down; but, the greatest gift we can give is to be joyful. Look for joy. Look for love. And, for the sake of a sane Universe, let us stop judging ourselves and others.

We are love! Let us be it!

Happy Friday everyone! Be joyful!

Love and Peace, Gregg